First-Time Caller (Heartstrings, #1)

by B.K. Borison

It feels like every time I get my hopes up for something good, reality comes out swinging. I don’t know how to be a hopeful person anymore. It’s easier not to be.

Aiden Valentine: Flowers die. Everything dies. Caller: I thought this was a romance hotline.

Why can’t this be the one thing I don’t have to try at? Why can’t it be a thing that just…happens? I don’t want—I don’t want to think about what I should say or how I should act or…or have talking points in the notes app of my phone for a dinner date at a restaurant that I don’t really like. I want to feel something when I connect with someone. I want sparks. The good kind, you know? I want to laugh and mean it. I want goose bumps. I want to wonder what my date is thinking about and hope it might be me. I want…I want the magic.”

“When the whole world tells you you’re silly for wanting the things you want, you start to believe them. You start to think you’re not worth it. That if the things you’re waiting for do exist, they’re not for someone like you.” She sighs, a small, hopeless sound that twists through my headphones. “But what’s wrong with being a romantic? I can be a confident, independent woman and still want someone to hold my hand. To ask about my day. It’s a good thing to want passion and excitement and care. Attention and affection. I don’t want to settle for anything less than that.

I don’t want to be with someone if they’re not giving me something I don’t already have. I don’t want to waste my time on things that don’t feel like everything I’ve always wanted for myself.”

“I want goose bumps. I want to be wanted. All this time and I—I haven’t given up. I guess I’m just waiting for it to find me.”

It was easy to be brave when I thought it was Aiden and a handful of random listeners. People I don’t know. But apparently it was people I know, and now those people know something deeply personal about me.

“Hi,” a woman says on the other end of the phone, sounding breathless. “Is this Lucie? Lucie Stone?” Unfortunately. I’d love to be just about anyone else right now. “It is. Who is this?” “My name is Maggie and I’m calling from 101.6 LITE FM. I’ve got a proposition for you.”

“You seemed happier earlier this week in the booth.” I scratch roughly at the back of my head. “When?” I know exactly when. When a woman got on the line and said she believed in magic and I thought maybe I could believe in it too.

Icebreakers are my personal form of hell.

“I called her yesterday and asked if she’d be interested in joining the show. Our listeners have skyrocketed since that interview went viral.” She holds up her phone. “Most of the comments want her to find her happy ending. I plan for Heartstrings to help.” I frown. “How can Heartstrings help?”

“Are you not the host of a romance radio show? Do you not think you’re capable of helping one woman find the love she deserves?” “Like a…” My hands are sweating again. “Like a Bachelorette-type thing?” “Exactly like that.”

“Did she agree to this?” “Who?” “Lucie,” I explain, doing my damned best to stitch together every ounce of my patience. “The woman you plan to extort for engagement.”

“Fuck,” I whisper. “You’re terrifying.” She chuckles. “I know.” I subtly try to shift my chair away from her desk. “Why are you looking at me like that?” “Because you’ve got a big, squishy heart in there, you grumpy asshole.” “I do not.” “Yes, you do.” “No, I don’t,” I say again. Christ. “I just don’t want to drag an unwilling woman into some weird love competition. I’d say that’s baseline decency.” Maggie rolls her eyes. “Noted. There will be no dragging involved.” Her calculating eyes watch me twitch around in my seat. I feel like a bug pinned beneath a microscope. “I think it’s sweet you’re looking out for Lucie.”

“I am trying to capitalize on our momentum, you walnut. I am trying to channel all of this interest into programming. If you haven’t noticed, our numbers haven’t been great lately. Orion has been up my ass about acquiring this station and I don’t know how much longer I can hold out.”

“This is an opportunity to save this show and this station. Not to mention the jobs of everyone in this room.”

“I’m not extorting anyone. I simply asked Lucie if she’d like to join you on the air to explore some of the engagement around your conversation. My hope is that people tune in and stay tuned in.”

“You should know this by now, Aiden.” Maggie’s smile is assured. “I always get what I want.”

Insulating my feelings from my mom so I don’t burden her is like breathing at this point. An old habit that I tug on like my favorite sweater.

“I like that. Thinking that I’m worth paying attention to. Something ordinary made extraordinary by the person you’re sharing it with.”

“Nah, Lucie.” In my dream, he brushes a kiss against my forehead. “I think you’re the magic.”

“You have all the love you need,”

“Ah, Lucie.” Aiden smiles, his fingers fanning out wide against my back. “I’d know you anywhere.”

I’m the clown. Lucie is as off-limits as it gets. She’s looking for romance. Happily ever after. Not a beleaguered radio show host with an attitude problem.

I’ve spent every day since I woke up with her face buried in my chest trying to convince myself I’m no good for Lucie. But I like Lucie. I like her a lot. My crush hasn’t faded; it’s only gotten worse.

I’m afraid my crush has slipped into an infatuation. I don’t want to fight it anymore. I don’t think I can.

“I want to feel it first and think about it second. I want to be in the moment and not worry about what’s coming next. I don’t want to twist myself into circles over the idea of a partner.”

I won’t beg him to want me.

“I kissed you because I wanted to, Lucie. I’ve been wanting to and I think—I think I got tired of pretending I don’t. My crush isn’t going anywhere. I think it would be easier for us both if it was, but…it’s not. That’s what I should have told you when I walked you to your car, but I think I left my brain in the studio.”

“I know what falling in love feels like because I’ve been falling in love with you.”

“I’m sorry about this week. I wanted to take the time to find the right words to say. I wanted to get it right.” “I don’t need the right words. I just need your words.”

The almosts and the maybes and the what-ifs. The universe lining up for one perfect moment and handing me her. I got so fucking lucky. I drag her mouth to mine and press a hard kiss against her lips. “I’m thinking about you.”