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I think I’ve—I think it’s possible I’ve fallen out of love with love,
For the first time in a long time, I want to see what happens next.
“Maybe none of us see each other clearly. Not anymore.
I want to feel something when I connect with someone. I want sparks. The good kind, you know? I want to laugh and mean it. I want goose bumps. I want to wonder what my date is thinking about and hope it might be me. I want…I want the magic.”
“When the whole world tells you you’re silly for wanting the things you want, you start to believe them. You start to think you’re not worth it. That if the things you’re waiting for do exist, they’re not for someone like you.”
It’s a good thing to want passion and excitement and care. Attention and affection. I don’t want to settle for anything less than that.
“I want goose bumps. I want to be wanted. All this time and I—I haven’t given up. I guess I’m just waiting for it to find me.”
heard what you said. I know you’re a disaster. You said you’re waiting for the right thing, but maybe that thing doesn’t exist. Maybe you’re the problem.
the anxiety that there might not be someone out there for me to fit into the life I’ve made for myself, that maybe I want too much, that I’m being too whimsical and naive, that it’s too late for me—I
Caller: I’ve been with my husband for sixty-five years. Every day isn’t a fairy tale. We’ve worked hard for our relationship. To build it. To maintain it. I’ve become so many versions of myself and so has he, but we’ve found a way to fall in love with one another over and over again. Every time. [pause] Caller: But there’s magic too. In between the hard work, there are perfect moments where everything lines up exactly right. What else is that, if not the universe telling me I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be? I’m right next to him, holding his hand. [laughter]
To bump into someone on the street or pick up the wrong coffee order. For the right person at the right time in exactly the right place. To not have to try so damn hard at any of it.
I’m allowed to want soft, special things.
“What if this is what you’ve been waiting for? What if it’s all a string of choices and moments and events and decisions that have led you to exactly right here? And what if what happens next—what if what happens next is the good part? The part you’ve been waiting for.”
“I know you’re looking for love and I don’t know if I’m the right person to help you with that. But I think you started something the other night, whether you meant to or not.”
Family. Belonging. Love. The only kind I’ve ever known. The kind I made for myself.
He hosts a radio show about love, but he doesn’t believe in it himself and he wants me to help him remember how. I think. I keep sharing things with him I don’t mean to. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.
“It shouldn’t matter what we’re doing, should it? I’m not picky about where we go or what we do, I just want to enjoy the time I’m spending with someone.”
“I like that. Thinking that I’m worth paying attention to. Something ordinary made extraordinary by the person you’re sharing it with.”
lingers.
u know im a such a fool for u. got me wrapped around ur finger. did u have to. did u have to let it linger.
I want a connection with someone that feels real,
“He loved her so much, and it was killing him the same way the cancer was killing her.
You’re…captivating. I think the whole city is in love with you.”
And from the moment I met her and made an inappropriate comment about dental instruments, Lucie has always felt like something good. Like the very best thing.
I nod. It feels like my brain has been rewired to only think about it. About her.
I don’t want Lucie to slip through my fingers. It doesn’t matter that she’s never been mine to hold. I can’t stop myself from wanting her.
“Because you said it was your favorite,” I admit. “And I want your favorite to be my favorite.”
“I don’t want something perfect; I want something honest. Something that can be mine.”
“You’re the only person I want to have fun with. You’re the only person I want anything with.
I’ve been here before. I know this feeling. The sinking realization that my feelings don’t match up. That I’ve felt too much too fast and made assumptions. Misread the situation and projected my own hopes on another person.
“I can be brave enough for the both of us. I can make my own magic. You just have to give me a reason to.”
I was always going to love your mom. And I would never have chosen different, even with everything we’ve endured together.
love isn’t always sunshine and daisies. Sometimes it’s hospital beds and shaved heads. But I wouldn’t trade any of it. Because all of it is with her.”
wish I brought in the chocolate mints I found in his car. The rumpled-up and well-worn list of things I like, just so I could hold on to some sort of tangible proof that he’s thought about me.
“If someone gives you something, you have it. You don’t have to earn it.”
I’d be wanted the way Aiden wants me. Never thought I’d be seen and appreciated and adored.
I feel desperate, itchy, eager to have him.
She said she wanted magic and I thought we found something better. Something real. But apparently there was a little magic, after all.
