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Here are the things I have learned in my fifteen years of marriage: it’s okay if you don’t feel filled with adoration every day. We are all going to get grumpy over the discarded socks, the missed annual car inspection, the fact that you haven’t had sex for six weeks. As the great Esther Perel says, love is a process. It is a verb. All marriages have peaks and troughs, and over those years you gain a greater perspective and realize that it is just part of the ebb and flow of your own, special, unique romantic life. Marriage can contain multitudes of emotions in one single day. You can wake up
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irritation, lust, gratitude all in the same half-hour. The trick is to understand this process, this ebb and flow, and not be panicked by your own emotions. Because as long as you’re both in this together, a team, you know deep in your bones that this is just part of the glorious business of being human. Dan is my team, and we’re in this together, and there isn’t a day that I’m not grateful for that certainty. Sometimes Lila remembers this
If you didn’t want me to write shit about you, you should have been nicer to me. She
‘Keep going. No feeling is final.’ Something along those lines. And I always think of that, when things are a bit rough. No feeling is final. The shitty times don’t last forever. Even if they feel like it.”
that if you were sunk in despondency you should move your body. Do something, darling. Go for a walk or empty a wardrobe or dig something in the garden. Whatever gets you out of your head and into your body. Lila has now stared at her screen for
There are periods of your life in which all that is really required is to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
This is life at this age, she muses, a million goodbyes, and you never know which are the final ones. You just absorb them, like little shocks, trusting with each one that you’ll be able to keep moving forward.
