It Pains Me (Betrayal, #5)

by Penelope Sky

“That makes it worse, Bolton. That you would break my heart for something that means nothing.”

“How long would it take for you to move on from Scarlett?” He went dead in the eyes at the suggestion, his soul snuffed out by a powerful gust of wind. “It would take your entire life, Axel.”

Theo used to be the one who carried the burden of my problems, but now he was the burden on my heart.

“Maybe it is settling. But I’m ready to settle. I’m ready to accept that life is not a fairy tale…but a nightmare instead.”

When I’d tried to leave, I’d cut my skin on thorns on the way out, had my heart smashed by bricks, and then the monsters crawled into my house.

“I don’t want to forget you,” he said. “And I don’t think I could even if I wanted to.”

“You shouldn’t be with him, Astrid. You deserve better.” “There is no better,” I said. “Because all men are the same.”

“But I’m saying it now. I can’t promise you this will end the way you want. As husband and wife with a couple kids climbing all over the furniture. But I can promise you that I’ll try. Try to take it slow. One day at a time. Start at a crawl and work our way to a walk. And then maybe, one day, we’ll run.”

“If I hurt you more than he ever has, then that means I mean more to you. It means that I’m the man you want, but you’re scared. So, you’re settling.

“I kill people for a living, Astrid. I’m incapable of feeling guilt.”

“If she were my woman, I would have taken that call. I would take all her calls.”

“Because she doesn’t want you to feel bad. Because she doesn’t want to admit that you were the first person she thought of…and you failed her.”

The biggest mistake of my life was not taking that call. My heart dropped. I will always take your call, sweetheart.

“For what it’s worth, I hope I’m dead wrong. Your woman is the person you’re supposed to protect with your life. To purposely inflict harm on her, for whatever reason, is despicable.”

“He doesn’t deserve you.” “And I don’t deserve to be with someone who’s in love with a ghost.”

“I do forgive you, Theo. But I can’t change everything that’s brought us to our current circumstances. An apology has the power to earn forgiveness, but it doesn’t have the power to change the past.”

“I’ve wanted my brother’s bones so I can bury him. Get some fucking closure. Revenge too. But my brother is dead, and nothing is going to bring him back. There’s no antidote to grief. Closure doesn’t exist. I should have chosen you. And I’m sorry I didn’t.”

“You can’t be in a relationship with someone who’s in a relationship with someone else.” “You can’t be heartbroken unless you gave your heart to someone to break.”

“You said I had everything. But I wouldn’t have anything if I didn’t have you.”

“It doesn’t matter if she’s a whore or the love of your life—I’m the one who never meant anything to you.”

“I’ve been in this fucking marriage this entire time, and you’re just showing up to the party. Fuck no—and fuck off.”

“I just want to make this marriage work.” “It’s dead, gone, and buried, Bolton. Sorry I missed you at the wake.”

I’d been on my own far too young.

“Please just leave me in peace. I came here to see my parents.” He released a sigh and didn’t move. “I want you to talk to me⁠—” “And I want you to die.”

“Every time you leave, I hope you don’t come back. I hope your target sees you coming and puts a fucking bullet in the back of your head. Why was I given this shitty hand when everyone else seems to have it all? I could have been with a man who actually gave a damn about me, but I chose you. I chose you like a fucking idiot, and now I’m a tiger in a cage that wishes she were dead. I look at this headstone and want to add my name to the list. I’m jealous of dead people, Bolton. Because being with you is that fucking unbearable. Because you sealed my misery the moment our eyes met across that room.”

“Don’t make me hurt you.”

But I felt like his favorite doll, a toy he loved one moment then chucked across the room the next.

Theo could have saved me several times, but I shouldn’t need him to save me. “Fuck this. I’m gonna save myself.”

“So you can either try, or you can wait to die.”

Wherever she was, I hoped she was happy. Because I certainly wasn’t.

Even if Theo couldn’t commit and he left me at some point, I would have preferred that kind of heartache to this. I would have preferred to mourn him than wish I were dead every day.

“I want to tear this guy apart for what he did to Astrid. Sure, I don’t know her. But I’m a husband to a spitfire of a woman and a father to a beautiful little girl. Shit like this bothers me. And the fact that he did it to someone you care about pisses me off even more. You can’t underestimate someone like Bolton. So maybe you don’t need more men, but you need the right man to watch your back.”

“Don’t kill him.” He stared at me for several hard seconds, the irritation visible in his face like I’d just insulted him. “And what about me?” My eyes shifted back and forth between his. “I don’t care what happens to you.”

It made me realize I’d met Theo…but never the Skull King.

“He gave me no mercy, so he deserves none himself.”

Bolton could strike me without remorse, but Theo hung himself at the guillotine for minor crimes.

I wanted to cry—both in joy and sadness. I was finally free. Free of a liar and a psychopath. My bruises would heal. But never my heart.

“I’ve missed you every day since the moment we met.”

“Because I care for you deeply, sweetheart.”

“I watched her take her last breath. Felt her hand go limp when she was gone. Listened to the beep when she flatlined. The loss was indescribable, and I only knew her for two months. Imagine how it would feel to lose the woman you loved for thirty-five years? Who gave you a son who became a man. A girl who turned into a woman with a zero-tolerance policy for bullshit. Imagine that.”

“Imagine loving someone you never knew. Imagine the love of your life punching you square in the face. Imagine the altar you prayed to every night crumbling right before your eyes. The unthinkable happened to me, but I’m going to try again. You make me want to try, Theo. You were the bravest man who ever lived for Shayla. Please be brave for me.”