June: Jess' Story (Spearhead Lake Book 3)

by E.L. Stevens

I love you too, Daddy. I let time fall away because what else is there to do?

Crying at 3% in

How the fuck did a five-foot-four thing like me even get this on my 12-foot ceiling?

Lolll we are never more determined in life than in our teen years

I always describe it to people like this: Picture Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang, but they’re professors instead of doctors, and they’re also lesbians.

Nod to GA - love this

You don’t share much with me. I share the most with you.

sobbing

Because somewhere along the way, it just sort of happened that this woman wormed her way into my cold, dead heart. Fuck.

I walk out of our bedroom and as I pass him, he places a hand at the small of my back and gives me a kiss on the cheek. Judas.

Judas. Lmao

But that’s the thing about a picture. You’re getting a one dimensional view of someone’s life. Just a glimpse of someone’s layered and nuanced existence. A picture tells the story of a fragment of a second. That’s all. Just an infinitesimal fraction of your life, representing such a small moment in time, it essentially amounts to nil in the scheme of things.

A quick snapshot glosses over the emotions, the hurt, the pain, and all the hidden secrets. (You won’t find those happily displayed on your Instagram feed.)

Because this kiss is the shit that men go to war over, and she has not a fucking clue I would for her. I already am.

“Your skin is so fucking beautiful and all I want to do is ruin it.”

“I’m not interested in being somebody’s bump in the road, Alex. No matter how much I wish I could be that for you.”

I don’t know how to tell her she is the bump in the road because she’s the whole fucking road. She’s my path. Always has been. Everyone else was just a fucking pit stop. She’s the beginning and the end, and I’d ride her as long as my journey on earth lasts. It didn’t matter the destination. It was her. Every road led back to her.

Have you ever had that thing with a person where you can feel they’re there before you know it. You can’t see them, hear them, but you sense them? That’s us. I probably guessed it the moment I heard a booted foot hit the first step.

I can feel Jess holding back a laugh, and the warmth I get from pleasing her snakes up my spine, hitting me in the chest.

“Why?” She shakes her head. “Why would you do this…for me? What’s in it for you?” If I’m honest, I’m in it for Jess. To be with her. To get her to finally understand I don’t see her as the runner up, I see her as the championship prize. I see her above all else. If I never loved her, I never could have hated her. How doesn’t she see that?

“I’m not gonna fuck you over. I promise. Whenever this ends, however it ends, you’ll be better off. I promise.” She will. She can take her trust and do whatever the fuck she wants with it. And in the off chance this works out, I’ll make her the happiest, most well-loved woman on earth.

He’s always had his Jeep. It’s a matte green, old Jeep. I mean, really old. Like he’s had it for decades and it was old when he got it. There’s a story to it, he told me once, but that’s neither here nor there.

Ok but whats the story??

Her limbs — her life — tangled with mine. It’s fucking perfect. We’re fucking perfect.

If I thought the view of her moving over me was the end all be all, I was wrong. This, the view of her laid out beneath me with rosy cheeks and a look of desire, is everything. My fucking Roman Empire. The hill I’ll die on. My very own Helen of Troy.

Being here is new, but I’m pretty sure she’s always been my home.

She’s the light left on. She’s the warm blanket. She’s the calm to my storm.

“We’re fucking good together, baby,”

My blood has lowered from a boil to a simmer, and I’m ready to go have a conversation with the woman who officially owns me completely.

Jess is a cancer. I love you, Alex. She’s not a parasite like I thought she used to be. No, she’s a disease. That infects you. She ruins you. She consumes you from the inside out. You have to cut out the disease so that you have a chance at living. You sacrifice the limb to save the body. Well, I’m the one diseased.