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A guttural sob, a cry, a battle roar escapes me and I fall to the asphalt. I knew. I fucking knew the moment it happened. I felt Tally go.
My life is shuddering to a halt while the world around me…just keeps marching.
Such a sickening feeling
A quick snapshot glosses over the emotions, the hurt, the pain, and all the hidden secrets. (You won’t find those happily displayed on your Instagram feed.)
“He told me the two of you had sex last night. You didn’t need to come down here in a ripped nightgown to prove a point. Or make me jealous.”
JFC
When they said their goodbyes, I purposely diverted my attention, however it would have been impossible to not hear the sound of them embracing, then kissing farewell.
How is she not killing him?
You can cry and still be a strong, independent woman who is also vulnerable, and beautiful, and intelligent. (I
“You and I are amazing women. We come from a long line of amazing women who do amazing things with their lives. We will do the same. When we’re ready, you and me. We'll do amazing things and we will be wonderful, and fulfilled, and happy, and strong, and vulnerable. All at the same time.”
“I love you and our daughter. I want us to stay a family. I want us to be together, all of us. I know this isn’t what you signed up for, but I feel like you should at least try. Don’t we owe that to each other? To our daughter?”
Oh well in that case...
this author writes the most delulu men i stg
We’re runners, Brit and I. We both have the same problem. When shit hits the fan, we bolt. I retreat, she just goes.
Same
“Let him go,” she says softly. I cry silently, placing my hand over my mouth in hopes May doesn’t hear me. “Don’t hang on for his sake, but especially not for yours.”
Tommy gets to look like the good guy, doesn’t he? Because he wanted us to stay together, right? That’s fine. Let me be the villain. I’ve been here before, this time I’ll be the villain in their rendition of life. Fuck, maybe I’ll always be the bad guy. Maybe that’s just my cross to bear.
this kiss is the shit that men go to war over, and she has not a fucking clue I would for her. I already am.
She’s my path. Always has been. Everyone else was just a fucking pit stop. She’s the beginning and the end, and I’d ride her as long as my journey on earth lasts.
I look down at where our hands are threaded together and make a vow to not let her go until we’re walking out of this place together. She wants to talk to her mom? Great, me too. Brit wants a hug? Same. Tommy wants to have a chat? He can go fuck himself.
Swoon
“Hey, just a few more months.” Jamie was consoling Tommy. “Just a few more and then we’ll file a modification to the custody arrangement, and this time next year, Eden will be living with us full time. Second birthday party will be at our house, okay? Eden isn’t even going to remember this time in her life. She’ll remember her life with us, okay?”
I fucking hate you both
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Have you ever hugged someone and rested all your weight on them in that hug? Your body, your problems, your responsibilities and you just trust that person has you? That’s what this hug with Alex is
Alex is looking at me as he continues to rock Eden against his shoulder. (And my ovaries start to hurt.)
Mine too
It feels more Cape Cod than log cabin, but has hints of modern, mountain-esque bits of inspiration. Like exposed wood beams and gray stone columns.
It’s light wide-plank oak floors. It’s cream walls and organic lighting. It’s airy, but cozy. Cream and white furs thrown over the backs of vintage leather arm chairs. There’s a linen slipcovered sofa, and a boucle coffee table against the backdrop of large windows that look out over Spearhead Lake. It takes my breath away. It’s dreamy. It’s a dream. (Fuck, this might be my dream.)
A strong gust kicks up along the lake, blowing loose pine needles out and swirling into the water. Georgia
I’m pretty sure she’s always been my home. She’s the light left on. She’s the warm blanket. She’s the calm to my storm.
The only way to get it to stop would be to disengage with the outside world, or to be engaged at work. On occasion she could pull me out of it, but then something would trigger me, and I’d retreat again.
So familiar
I yell out at the last words that are a blend of Ray’s voice and my own. And I hate that. I fucking hate that I could ever think something he would. That I could ever be like him.
“She’s Amy’s cousin,” he says coldly, if not dismissively. And wow, does it fucking hurt. The way he says it detaches any sentiment towards me. I’m just here because of Amy.
Oh no no no no
It was my first time cooking for him and it was shit. (Not my food, the night. The night was shit.) It’s stupid stuff like that that sends me into a tailspin because it means a lot to me. And nothing to him.
“If you’re gonna use me, at least be a man about it and look me in the eyes.” Goosebumps break out all over my body and then he’s pulling out of me.
My fucking heart
I let him use me. I want him more than the pain bothers me. (I know I’m a masochist.)
I have everything and nothing to say to her, so I tell her she’s a mistake. All of it was.
The pain in my chest pulls tight. My vision tunnels, I’m running down the stairs and out into the street searching for an alley, a darkened stairwell, anything where I can push myself against a wall and calm down before I die. But really what’s left? What the fuck am I scared of dying for? I’ve got nothing left to lose. The pain eases slightly. Fuck it all. Honestly.
😭😭😭😭😭
It’s October 2nd
Happy birthday to me
But I was only ever thinking of her. I was thinking about how much I loved her in the deli, how much I loved her singing lullabies to Eden. I was thinking about how I love her so much, she shouldn’t be anyone else’s, let alone two other fuckers. Both of whom I know personally.
And I’m fucking pissed. As I should be because she robbed us of six fucking years. And when she was saying my name last night, I was creating a new fucking memory over the one of her muffled moan through a closed door at the hand of someone else. At the hand of my best friend. When it should have been me.
“I’m afraid it’s just who we are, Jess. We’re runners.”
“Yes! Exactly. And we wouldn’t throw someone away because of one bad photo, now would we?”
Maybe the only time ive liked you
Thank fuck. I was so mad
“Well, you’re fucking wrong,” he says. I try to turn away from him again, but this time he has both hands on my hips and he’s shoved me against the counter, his body pressing in against mine. “About what part?” I ask too quietly, and too afraid to look him in the eyes. “Come home and I’ll tell you,” he whispers. “I don’t have a home,” I whisper back. “Shut the fuck up, Jess,” he says, and then his mouth is on mine.
“Did you know you’re the only woman I’ve ever kissed, Jess?”
“I know that your favorite colors are black and brown. I know your favorite movie is actually The Godfather, but you tell people it’s Casino because you don’t want to seem basic and at least with Casino you can say it’s because of Sharon Stone. I know that you sing your daughter classic Beatles songs at bedtime because that’s what your Dad used to sing to you. I know Christmas is your favorite holiday because gift giving, not receiving, is how you show love. I know that your favorite perfume is Flowerbomb because I couldn’t get the fucking scent out of my head and I actually went to the store
...more
I only stop screaming when my voice breaks. So I sit on the dock, knees into my chest, and rock back and forth until eventually Liam drapes a blanket across my shoulders. He doesn’t say anything.
“When do you hit your threshold and you know you can’t take anything more and that the only next logical thing is death? Because I don’t think I can take anything more. I’m maxed out on life, Brit.”
So I gave myself a reason to. It came in the form of a gold band now circling my ring finger.
I am sick.
Mr. Never get married again, and its a damn stranger in Vegas . i thought i loved you.
She’ll hate me now. Good.
Me too, buddy.
“Home.” The home I built for the only person I’ve ever loved.
Oh fuck you
I vaguely recall driving with three very attractive men to the bar under the guise of wanting to dance. What I actually wanted was to get fucked into oblivion. What I wanted was to forget. What I got was embarrassing memories and a hangover.
Ugh been there
He’s just staring at me, so I say, “Stay, if you want.” (And I do want.)
NO!!!!!! i hate alex right now but this is his worst fear. Although, he is married. Jesus what a mess
“I’ve always and only ever loved you, Jess.”
“The someone else was you, Jess.” He pauses. “I am only yours.” His
Please dont put me through this
But there he is with his cute wife on his arm.
Puke
