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dozens of other accidental almost-murders that my childhood memory has repressed.
I’m not known for well-informed decision-making.
Who voluntarily does this? Goes camping?
When I find a spider in my apartment, I usually trap it beneath a jar and slowly suffocate it to death.
my entire life is a kid-free zone—and has the picture-perfect life.
I haven’t had nearly enough coffee yet to suffer that much.
follows the pleasure principle, avoiding anything that might cause her discomfort.
The great outdoors is overrated.
verbal equivalent of a resting bitch face.
I mean, what other choice do I really have?
But hey, who am I to judge?
the simple act of being
a woman in this world can put you in jeopardy.
Not much stands between my parents and a good party.
