Deep End

by Ali Hazelwood

“Come on, Luk. I know you think she’s hot. You said so.” Silence. “And I see the way you look at her.” A buzz of unease bursts in the back of my skull. “How do I look at her?” “You know how.”

“Maybe the elephant’s just…blindfolded?” He nods slowly. “And tied up.” “And doing as it’s told.” He looks like he might find that more appealing. “What a good elephant.”

The subject line just reads What you need. The body: If you decide to go for it, I think it should be me.

Scarlett: Do you really want to be reminded of my computational superiority that often? Unknown: I do. I have a thing for women who are smarter than me.

But what feels natural is reaching up, cupping his face, lingering until he turns his head to press a hot kiss against my palm.

“Oh, sweetheart.” My belly swoops at the endearment. His tone lives somewhere between sympathy and amusement. “If you don’t think that I’m very aware of your presence, always, you have no idea what’s going on.”

I don’t know what to say. So I ask, “Do you want to have sex?” His smile is quiet. “With you. Yes. But that’s my default setting, so don’t read too much into it.”

“If I were the current record holder for the one hundred freestyle, you’d know where I was born, too.” “You were born in Lincoln, Nebraska, on August thirty-first.

Swedish better be next.

Lukas: I could tell from the live stream. He watched the live stream.

Scarlett: He probably thinks we’re dating. We should set the record straight. Lukas: Or maybe we should just start dating.

“We’re here without practice, classes, and all the shit that constantly pulls you away from me. I’m going to take advantage. If that costs me a race, so be it.”

“Okay. We’re at a major competition. I won’t ask you to have this conversation right now.” What conversation? “But if you’re ready, I can tell you why I want you here.”

His fingers close around my wrist. “I asked for you.” “What?” For a few moments, his jaw works. “Every single person Pen and I had sex with was her choice, and I was okay with it. But when you joined the team, I asked her if she could approach you.”

“Can I tell you a secret?” “Sure. You already know all of mine.” “It’s…I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’m not going to turn into a stalker or anything like that, so don’t worry.” His laughter is quiet. “Scarlett…you have no idea.”

I want to travel to places that don’t have a fucking pool. See my family more than once a year. Sleep in. Go on hiking trips. Stay home for long weekends and have morally bankrupt amounts of sex with someone I’m in love with. Kinky, vanilla, I want it all. I want to adopt rescue animals with her. I want to take care of her, and watch her be cold in Sweden, and marvel every day at how much smarter than me she is,

“This is so much more than sex,” he tells me. “It was the first time, and sure as hell is now.”

“I need you to admit it, Scarlett.” His voice is a low, resolute rumble. “I need you to not leave me alone to face this.”

“I want to do this with you every day and night for the rest of my life.”

“Let me say it,” he demands. “I want to say it. Just once.”

“Scarlett,” he pleads. “Let me tell you, please.”

“Please,” I beg. “Don’t.” “The thing is.” His forehand drops against mine. “I don’t know if I can keep it in.”

Lukas— He says it. Just, not in English. Slow, musical sentences. Words, repeated over and over.

I—I’ve been trying to tell you how I felt for months. And I know it’s hard to hear, I know this stuff doesn’t come easy to you, but it’s out there now. You don’t have to be terrified of it anymore. I love you. I’m in love with you. And you’re in love with me. We can say it.” “Lukas.” “I have been in love with you for so long. And I won’t stop. I know it.” “Lukas—” “This is it, for me.”

“You know it, don’t you?” he asks. “What?” “From the very start, you had all the power. From the very start, I was in the palm of your hand.”

“In the palm of your hand, Scarlett. From the very start.”