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Not my circus and/or monkeys,
The thing I dread the most about junior year begins on a Wednesday morning, a couple of weeks before the start of the autumn quarter. It’s penciled into my Google Calendar for the ten to eleven slot, a single word that weighs more than the sum of its letters. Therapy.
“This is so Fifty Shades, Vandy.”
The word oscillates bizarrely between us.
He could be Captain America. Captain Sweden. Whatever.
tell myself that decades from now, when I’m frail and prune-hearted in the retirement home, and the AI nurse feeding me steamed brussels sprouts asks, What is the most bonkers thing that ever happened to you? my mind will instantly zero in on this conversation.
I stare into the abyss of those three words—and boy, does the abyss stare back.
“If you don’t think that I’m very aware of your presence, always, you have no idea what’s going on.”
November starts as a fanged, bloodcurdling nightmare.
“Sometimes I’m afraid that this is the best thing I’ll ever have. For the rest of my life.”
His eyes are, frankly, ridiculous. So green, they might be responsible for the deforestation of eastern Madagascar.
Lukas. With whom, I fear, I might be a little bit in love.
She just thinks I’ll miss the attention and pull a Tom Brady.”
I love telling people what they’re doing wrong.”
U GUYS ALREADY HAVE IKEA AND LIVABLE WAGES, LEAVE US SOMETHING
“He’s back,” Maryam says into my room on the following Saturday night. I look up from my neurobiology homework. “Who?” “The Love Island contestant.” “What?” “The heartthrob with the accent.” I blink. “Lukas?” The deep “Yup” coming from behind her squeezes my stomach like it’s a washcloth. “I’m not sure whether I’m being flattered,” he says, closing the door, “or torn to shreds.” “With Maryam? The latter. Always.”
“It’s a sign. It’s destiny. God and our ancestors and Emily Dickinson want this from us.”
I can’t be mad at you, when every time I think about you I am reminded that you exist.”
He used to want to prove to himself that he could thrive, even without her. He has given up on that. Now he just wants her.
