Deep End

by Ali Hazelwood

I sit back in a semi-zonked state and force myself to think about Lukas Blomqvist—a rare occurrence for me.

is this the love interests name

Plus, if the captain of my team is part of an athletics power couple, it behooves me to be aware of its other half. And Pen and Blomqvist have been dating since forever.

Oh no

“No! Luk, she is it. She’s the sandwich.” He sighs. I don’t follow—then I do. Sandwich. Sub.

LOL

“Come on, Luk. I know you think she’s hot. You said so.” Silence. “And I see the way you look at her.” A buzz of unease bursts in the back of my skull. “How do I look at her?” “You know how.”

OHHHBMAN

I’m starving, but my walk to the athlete dining hall is slow, because I’m busy writing an email to one Dr. Olive Smith.

Crossover

The shift of attention is a physical, tangible thing. “Who do we have here?” Kyle asks. “I thought you were Pen.”

Scarlett: Do you really want to be reminded of my computational superiority that often? Unknown: I do. I have a thing for women who are smarter than me.

“A diver, then?” Zach jokes, somewhat clumsy, and I need to rethread the conversation, find its lost stitches.

Is he tryna figurr out if shes single

“He was trying to figure out if you’re single,” he tells me. His casual stroking continues in small, light patterns.

The room fills—cheers, groans, whistles, claps. Bree shoots to her feet, almost flipping the cake over. “Oh my god, is it BTS?”

Bts mention

Free? It’s Lukas. My pulse trips, but quickly steadies. I tilt my head and type: Scarlett: In Sweden, when you text, do they charge you by the word? Lukas: There’s an emoji surcharge, but I’ll make an exception for you: Lukas:

LOL

What if I’m not good enough.

There iy is

I don’t get to finish that sentence. Because Lukas Blomqvist takes a long step, pushes me into the wall, and kisses me.

“I told you so. I told you so. I told you so—I told you so. Who told you so? Me. Moi. Penelope Fucking Diana Fucking Ross, ladies and gentlemen and nonbinary friends, that’s who!” She breaks into the most uncoordinated dance I’ve ever had the displeasure of witnessing.

LOL

“You’re…soft.” “I’m not soft.” “You are with me.” His eyes meet mine. A dark, unflinching look that sands layer upon layer off me. “Maybe I make you soft.”

“Well, I’m sure you already know how good he is at denying himself. The more he wants something, the less he’ll let himself have it.”

“Even if it’s just sex, it’s not a good idea for me to be with someone who resents wanting me.”

I don’t know what to say. So I ask, “Do you want to have sex?” His smile is quiet. “With you. Yes. But that’s my default setting, so don’t read too much into it.”

By that point I was good enough that the Olympics seemed like a guarantee, but after my mom died…I didn’t want to win, I had to. It went from dream to necessity. Because if I’d done something as egregious as being absent on my mom’s last day, for something as trivial as a swimming competition, then swimming had to be the most important thing in my life, right? It was the only way I could make it make sense. The only way I could forgive myself.”

Unfazed, Pen had called him, but the truth is altogether different: Lukas works hard to hide what’s underneath the surface, and not acknowledging his efforts seems like a terrible disservice.

In a T-shirt, he shakes his head in his most Swedish I just caught you setting fire to a children’s hospital disappointment, and says, “Americans are so weak,” before pulling me even closer.

“I learned what an inward dive is after the first time you mentioned them to me. And I know one when I see it.”

“I thought you were dead.” I shake the water out of my face. “Could already hear the Swedish king bitching over the phone.” “Did we not go over Sweden’s government structure?”

“I fuck you because you’re the most perfect thing I’ve ever felt, Scarlett.”

Luk was…I mean—it’s a personality thing. His range of emotions is kinda narrow, so…” Are we speaking of the same person?

“Safe travels, Scarlett,” he says hoarsely. His pupils are blown wide. “Keep in touch. If you want to.”

“My brilliant, beautiful girl.”

Two minutes later, my email pings with a message. Someone gifted me a yearly premium subscription to Duolingo. Lukas must not know my middle name, because he went with Scarlett Troll Vandermeer.

this is funny lol

Scarlett: He probably thinks we’re dating. We should set the record straight. Lukas: Or maybe we should just start dating.

omfg

“So…?” Callum asks. His eyes travel from me to Lukas, asking a question I cannot interpret. Lukas immediately shakes his head. “No.” “You sure?” “Very.” “What can I do to convince you?” He smiles. “Absolutely nothing.”

9mg

“Except.” He pulls back, more composed. “You’re a junior. In this scenario, I’m ahead and you’re shamelessly using me for tutoring.”

It’s shitty, leaving a party without telling anyone, but I call an Uber. In the back seat, I shoot Lukas a quick text, and that’s when the floor flips out from underneath me. His renamed contact reads Lukas Scarlett.

shut up

“I mean…” She purses her lips and shrugs. “I know Lukas well enough to know that it’s not the case. I know what we had. But in any case, I think that bonding over trauma is still a nice way to fall in love and build a future. More valid than sharing the same sexual fetishes.” Her tone is gentle—and a punch to the stomach. I blink at her, trying to parse what she just said and decipher the way she intended for it to land. Whether I should be offended. “I…excuse me?”

WHAT

“What is going on? The boyfriend and the gold medal that were mine a year ago are now hers. That’s what.”

OH HELL NO

“She was my friend, and—” She points at Lukas with trembling fingers. “I forbid you to fall in love with her.”

lol what

Barb smiles. “I think every relationship is the same.” “Which means?” “You won’t know until you try.”

The noise she makes is so triumphant, I have to move the phone away from my ear. “Scarlett, baby, finally. Mi bank account es su bank account. Within reason.”

I take a deep breath. Turn until my mouth is against the shell of his ear. Kiss him underneath it before I say, “I love you. So, so much. All the things you talked about in Amsterdam, on the balcony…I want them, too. With you. For the next million years.”