Deep End

by Ali Hazelwood

The ease of pre-negotiating a social interaction. Having, for once, specific instructions. The stable quiet in the never-ending chaos of my brain. The satisfaction of doing something right, of being told as much. Disconnecting from the rest of the world and going with the flow.

painful realization that deserving and obtaining are two vastly different things.

may be at my worst, but I can masquerade as someone who’s doing perfectly fucking fine.

A few years ago, I was someone worth knowing.

“Sometimes, I feel like my life is split in two. There was the first part, where I was in control, and was able to make myself do what needed to be done, and then…now.”

“But they’re sides of the same coin. I get to take you apart and split you open—but if anything else, anyone else makes you feel sad, upset, cracked, I also get to be the one who puts you back together. Until you say stop. You get it?”

Not perfect can still be good. What a mind-altering thought, huh?

“Confidence is not about being able to do shit, Vandy. Confidence is showing up, and trying, and not giving up because deep in your heart you know who you are and what you’re capable