Deep End

by Ali Hazelwood

“Tenth circle of hell: you find the love of your life, but the sex is intensely meh.”

real.

“And this injury of yours, Scarlett…does it have anything to do with the fact that you only listed five?”

oh she ate her UP

“Oh my god, you guys. I just had the best idea in the fucking universe!”

guys im scared....

Because what Pen actually says is, “You two should have sex!”

WHAT

Pen had not told Lukas about me. Because he turns to me and stares infinitely, lips parted, like I’ve suddenly shape-shifted into something new. Something instantly comprehensible to him.

OOOOOOOOOO LIKE HE CAN FINALLY HAVE HER

“Come on, Luk. I know you think she’s hot. You said so.” Silence. “And I see the way you look at her.” A buzz of unease bursts in the back of my skull. “How do I look at her?” “You know how.”

holy SHITTTTT

“Maybe the elephant’s just…blindfolded?” He nods slowly. “And tied up.” “And doing as it’s told.” He looks like he might find that more appealing. “What a good elephant.”

you fREAKS

The subject line just reads What you need. The body: If you decide to go for it, I think it should be me.

BOOYAH

I’m starving, but my walk to the athlete dining hall is slow, because I’m busy writing an email to one Dr. Olive Smith.

YES MY GIRLIEEEEE

“Lukas, we were just talking about you. May I introduce you to Scarlett Vandermeer?”

oh sick 😋

Scarlett: Do you really want to be reminded of my computational superiority that often? Unknown: I do. I have a thing for women who are smarter than me. My heart hiccups.

“Collecting archetypes is my passion.”

I don’t get to finish that sentence. Because Lukas Blomqvist takes a long step, pushes me into the wall, and kisses me.

HEHEEHEH

”Anyway,” she says, “while we’re on the matter of horny and pervy…as you know, I, too, have taken a lover.” I wince. “Terrible phrasing.” “Right?

“I did not know that.” “You’re a doctor.”

“Because sometimes I can’t breathe when you’re around.”

so hard that on the tail end of it I hear music in my head. Voices. Bells.

okay...what the FUCKKKKK THIS IS AO3 LEVELS OF BEAUTY

Blood that beats steadily against mine. I could fall asleep. I could stay here forever.

holy shit.

Objectively, I am uncomfortable, overheated, and held within an inch of my life. I love it.

this is so real hehe

When I collect myself enough to go back, I find Lukas right outside, leaning against the wall. He put on a pair of gray joggers, and holds a glass of water in one hand, a gel capsule in the other. I recognize it from decades of muscle soreness: Advil.

oh he is PERFECTTTTTTT

“I love giving that to you, and I’m going to for as long as you’ll let me.”

sOR- uhEM sir

If he stops, I’ll die. It’s not enough.

WOAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I eat two-thirds, then hand him the rest. He scans my face, measuring, curious, and then accepts it and finishes in a single bite.

SO GOSH DARN CUTE

“He figured it out all by himself.” “When?” He shrugs. “About two and a half seconds into seeing the way I look at you, according to him.” “Oh.”

EHEEHEHEHHEEH

“Oh, sweetheart.” My belly swoops at the endearment. His tone lives somewhere between sympathy and amusement. “If you don’t think that I’m very aware of your presence, always, you have no idea what’s going on.”

HOLY SHIT

“You mean…” “I mean.” He smiles, lopsided. “You did it.”

“I’ve never done this. Any advice?” I think about it. “Make sure you jump into the water.” “Great tip.”

“What—why do you even remember that?” “Because I listen when you talk.

Later that afternoon, during practice, I manage two terrible inward pikes.

I smile sweetly. “And I hope you get explosive dysentery in the middle of a somersault dive.”

BITCH YOU BETTER

“Confidence is not about being able to do shit, Vandy. Confidence is showing up, and trying, and not giving up because deep in your heart you know who you are and what you’re capable of.”

She put me first in any meaningful way. Reminded me that adults could be trusted, that they didn’t have to be scary and unpredictable—they could protect and nurture and allow freedom.

“There’s hope, then.” “Hope?” “For the two of us to get along.”

“Seriously, I’ll make you as smooth as a nineteenth-century brothel’s satin sheets.” “Graphic.”

His renamed contact reads Lukas Scarlett.

The initial lab results were a false positive.

thank goodness

“Remember back in the fall? When I was being a total asshole, trying to prove to myself that I could exist without you? I can’t, Scarlett. I can’t be without you. And for the first time in my life, I don’t care. I think of you all the time, and I want to make plans with you, I want to talk about the future, and I’m fucking happy about it—”

“How early I fell for you. How soon I realized it. The enormity of it.”

THE ENORMITY OH MY FUCKING GODS GENIUS

Lukas Blomqvist, MD, PhD

FUCK YEAH

He has given up on that. Now he just wants her.

He sighs and opens the treats cupboards.

stuff.” “Oh my god, Lukas. What