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Wanting a gold medal, a record, it’s a great dream. But it’s not mine anymore.” I tilt my head. “What’s yours, then?” His smile is crooked. “For a while, I thought I needed to have some over-the-top goal, something comparable to the Olympics, but…” He stops. Runs his thumb over my lower lip. “I want to spend four years in med school, fully knowing that it’ll be hell. Do a fellowship and a residency. Corpse stuff, sure. I want to travel to places that don’t have a fucking pool. See my family more than once a year. Sleep in. Go on hiking trips. Stay home for long weekends and have morally
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“You have me in your phone as Lukas Penelope?” “Oh, yeah. I wasn’t sure how to spell your last name. There are some backasswards q’s and v’s in there.” He gives me an unimpressed look and holds out his hand, demanding, so I give him my phone.
Pen’s eyes travel over the place where our bodies make contact, but her smile betrays nothing. “Do you need a ride home?” she asks me. I freeze. Do I? I assumed I wouldn’t, but… “She doesn’t, Pen.” “Okey dokey. Luk, can I talk to you for a minute?” “Sure, what’s going on?” “Alone,” she adds.
Fuck Pen
In the back seat, I shoot Lukas a quick text, and that’s when the floor flips out from underneath me. His renamed contact reads Lukas Scarlett.
OW
“If?” she prompts. “If maybe the transition to romantic love was a little rocky for the two of you.” “I mean…” She purses her lips and shrugs. “I know Lukas well enough to know that it’s not the case. I know what we had. But in any case, I think that bonding over trauma is still a nice way to fall in love and build a future. More valid than sharing the same sexual fetishes.”
ON SIGHT PEN YOU BETTER WATCH IT
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“Does being in love with Lukas make you unhappy?” “No. Just…guilty.”
“Is a lie this big really kinder than the truth?”
“The real NCAA qualification spot was the mental health we gained along the way.”
“Do you guys have a Swedes’ club? With your secret language?” “You mean, Swedish?”
“Lukas is right about you,” Johan tells me. I turn, alarmed. “Whatever he told you, he lied.” “He just said that you’re funny.” “Oh. Then maybe he didn’t lie.”
I can’t be mad at you, when every time I think about you I am reminded that you exist.”
my heart hurts
“This is so much more than sex,” he tells me. “It was the first time, and sure as hell is now.”
“I need you to admit it, Scarlett.” His voice is a low, resolute rumble. “I need you to not leave me alone to face this.”
We’re both out of control. It’s me and him, suddenly equals.
“I want to do this with you every day and night for the rest of my life.”
“You like dogs, right?” I ask. “Is it a deal-breaker?” “I’d never thought about that, but…yes. It is.” “I love dogs. I’m just not sure Pipsqueak qualifies.”
“What are you guys talking about?” I whirl around. Pen is behind us, already wet in her suit. “Nothing. Just, this professor we were doing this research—” “You need to go shower, Vandy. It’s about to start.” “Right. Thanks.”
FUCK PEN
“Pen, when you broke up with me, I was clear that I considered my commitment to you over. I told you I’d be there for you as a friend, but you knew from the start that I wasn’t going to treat my relationship with Scarlett like a way to pass the time.”
“I know this is hard to hear, but…neither the title nor Lukas were yours to be taken,” I say softly.
YES SCARLETT
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I know this stuff doesn’t come easy to you, but it’s out there now. You don’t have to be terrified of it anymore. I love you. I’m in love with you. And you’re in love with me. We can say it.”
Maybe you cannot be the center of everyone’s world. Maybe I want for Lukas to be the center of mine.
just…I can’t ask you to make life decisions based on me.” “That’s okay, because no asking is involved. Scarlett, this is it for me. I’m in.”
A minute later she’s asleep. The entire universe is here, in his arms.
😭😭😭
