Deep End

by Ali Hazelwood

Also, he appears to know my first name. Even though I’ve been Vandy for the entire sports community since I was six. Fascinating.

“—and popped each other’s cherries and now you’re wondering, what would an uncircumcised dick be like?” A sniffle. “Actually, in Sweden most people don’t—”

“I’ve never talked with Lukas before this morning. I have no idea what he likes.” “Should I tell you? He—” “I—no, that’s not…” I clear my throat. Starting to have some regrets here. “That’s beyond the, um, scope of this conversation.”

Because Lukas Blomqvist is kinky. Lukas “Olympic gold medalist, swim-world darling, record-holding Scandinavian treasure” Blomqvist. What is life?

“Not really. Lukas and I have history. We love each other. Honestly, even if we break up, I suspect that we’ll find each other in the future. We’re kind of meant to be.”

lol okay

“Hey, Vandy?” I glance up. “Did you forget something?” “I just wanted to say…” Her grin broadens. It helps me realize how strained her earlier smiles have been. “Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. For being cool and not judgy. I’m glad you’re all healed and back on the team.”

but when I glance to make sure he escaped safely, his attention is once again on me, and— Maybe Pen did tell him about me, and that’s why he’s so interested.

“Vandy, you’ve never formally met my ex-boyfriend, have you?”

“Yeah, Luk, you can take me ho—” Pen stops suddenly, with a gasp that turns into a smile so manic, unease slithers down my nape. “Oh my god, you guys. I just had the best idea in the fucking universe!”

oh oh

“You two should have sex!”

“But here’s the thing…Vandy’s into the same exact stuff as you!” And that’s when I realize that, no. Pen had not told Lukas about me. Because he turns to me and stares infinitely, lips parted, like I’ve suddenly shape-shifted into something new. Something instantly comprehensible to him. I stare back, unable to breathe.

“No! Luk, she is it. She’s the sandwich.” He sighs. I don’t follow—then I do. Sandwich. Sub.

“I just thought it would be nice if we could all—” “Be happily paired with our government-mandated fuck buddy?”

“Come on, Luk. I know you think she’s hot. You said so.” Silence. “And I see the way you look at her.” A buzz of unease bursts in the back of my skull. “How do I look at her?” “You know how.”

“Anything else I should know about future directions of my sex life? Where are Scarlett and I going to meet? What will we do first?”

classically handsome athlete with citizenship in a universal-healthcare country

LMAO

A pinch of discomfort is well worth the obscene amount of lo mein I’ll stuff inside my face once I’m home.

me da a mi que tendras your face stuffed con otra cosa

“Want to get it out of the way?” he asks. Rich. That’s what I’d call his voice. Rumbly, maybe. “Get what out of the way?” “The elephant in the room.”

“Maybe the elephant’s just…blindfolded?” He nods slowly. “And tied up.” “And doing as it’s told.” He looks like he might find that more appealing. “What a good elephant.”

“I don’t know what you’re into,” he says. It almost feels like something’s being withheld. A yet. A but I’d like to. An unfortunately.

“Come closer,” he orders. Lukas stopped a step behind me. I turn and frown up at him. “Why?” “Because I just asked you to, Scarlett.”

OKAY

His hands descend on me—one on my wrist, the other on my shoulder. They’re unyielding and other things I’m not going to think about. He shuffles me with ease, turning me away from him, pinning my wrist against my lower back,

“Why are you so nervous, Scarlett?” “Me? I’m not.” Lie. “Is it because you feel uncomfortable around me—” “No, I—” “Or because you think I don’t know where Pen is?”

“I don’t think Pen’s date was the real reason you were anxious.” “Yeah. I think it was.” “We cleared that out, and you’re not any less nervous.” He cocks his head. “Is it me? Or men, in general?”

The subject line just reads What you need. The body: If you decide to go for it, I think it should be me.

“It’s six fifteen a.m.,” she grunts. “Let’s keep unconscionable displays of happiness at a minimum.”

but my walk to the athlete dining hall is slow, because I’m busy writing an email to one Dr. Olive Smith.

oh you know well que se lo ha enviado a lukas

“The undergrad working on this project is. He’s been harvesting and classifying the initial cell samples. Done some preliminary work on the algorithms, too.” She cocks her head. “Do you happen to be a swimmer?”

ES LUKAS

“Must be something in the water turning people into biologists, huh?” “Chlorine-induced brain damage,” I mumbled.

“Well,” I say. “Well,” he repeats. “So…” “So.” There is amusement at the edge of his voice.

“What?” I ask, defensive. “You really do like your authority figures, don’t you?” I gasp in outrage. And then…then I laugh.

“So,” I ask evenly, “we’re just…doing this?” “Doing what?” “Openly acknowledging that we know way too much about each other’s sexual preferences every time we meet?” “Unless it bothers you. Would you like me to pretend I don’t know about your perversions?” “You’re just as much of a perv as I am.”

My eyebrow lifts. “Way more,” he adds. “I guarantee it.”

“Maybe Pen was right,” I muse. “And we’re made for each other?” I nod. It’s a joke, but his eyes darken. “Won’t know till we try,” he says quietly, low, and that warmth inside my belly rekindles, slinks up my spine, pinkens my cheek.

“Are you sure?” He just smiles, like he’s charmed by my total lack of recollection. “I never…I didn’t notice you.” “I know.” A small, self-deprecating laugh.

“Would you feel weird, working together? I’m friends with Pen. And I know of your…” “Sexual deviancy?” The words sound so good, rumbling out of him. “Hmm. That.”

“Actually.” I feel the ghost of his hand between my shoulder blades. The soft brush of his thumb at the top of my spine. It’s barely there, but it guides me in the direction of the stairs. Whispers at me exactly where to go. “I have absolutely nothing better to do.”

“I thought you were Pen.” It’s not inconceivable. She and I have similar builds—platform divers, like us, tend to be on the taller, leaner side. We both have long hair. That’s about it, though. I sip on my water to temporize. Over the rim, I say, “Surprise.”

“This really hurts my feelings, bro.” “I’ll kiss it better later, bro.” “Cannot wait, b—”

“I thought it was just me,” he says. “But it’s men in general, isn’t it?” “What?” “We make you nervous.”

“Actually, I still don’t know what you’re into,” he points out. My belly swoops. “Aside from your doctor fetish, that is.”

You get it. Thank you for getting it. And: “Thank you for asking your friends to leave so that I wouldn’t be uncomfortable.”

“Seriously, what is this word soup? Did you kidnap a middle school dropout and force him to write this at gunpoint? Is it AI generated? What was the prompt? ‘What if crotch smell was an essay?’ ”

“Plus, he’s single. And I’m the one who got wasted and cosplayed a Tinder algorithm to set you two up, remember?” “Hmmm.” I squint. “Nope. I’d forgotten. It’s definitely not seared into my mind.”

Pen’s arms are looped around Lukas’s neck, but he’s not reciprocating. Instead, over her shoulder, I find him looking at me.

But maybe it’s just this kinship I feel for him. Maybe Pen hacked my head, and I’m imagining what he could use all that strength for. Maybe I finally reached puberty at the geriatric age of twenty-one. It should be me.

His eyes lift to mine. “Bye, Scarlett.” I’m flushing. Not sure why. “Yeah. Bye. And…congrats.”

Scarlett: Please tell me that someone else drew a convolutional neural network on your hand in the past two days. Immediate reply. Unknown: Are you calling me a computational slut?

Unknown: Looks like I’ll need you around this year.

Scarlett: Do you really want to be reminded of my computational superiority that often? Unknown: I do. I have a thing for women who are smarter than me.