Hungerstone

by Kat Dunn

This was my induction into a motherless world, alone and met with fear and horror.

He was good to me, once. I hold on to that, like a prayer, like a plea.

Let this life of mine be about more than pain.

No one has loved me for so many a long year, I have done it all from spite. If the world offers me no kindness, then I will take from it armor and sword, create an unassailable fortress for myself, and lock the door.

Easier to die for a delusion.”

This is the bargain I have struck: to lose my softness in exchange for survival.

This face I loved once, love still, I think—as best I can love the place of my deepest disappointment.

“Oh, little Lenore. It is terrible to be alive. But it is worse to be dead to ourselves.”

I sob for every day lost before she found me. I mourn for the shallow grave of my dead life.