You Didn't Hear This From Me: (Mostly) True Notes on Gossip

by Kelsey McKinney

CONSPIR. A conspiracy theory is contradictory (C) because conspiracy theorists can simultaneously believe two things in direct opposition to each other. To a conspiracy theorist, Princess Diana could have either faked her death or been murdered. The belief system must also contain overriding (O) suspicion: the official account must always be wrong, and anything that does not fit into the predetermined belief must be ignored. Importantly, the disregarding of those accounts is because of their nefarious (N) intent. The people behind the conspiracy are never acting with goodwill. And even if part of the theory is proven incorrect, theorists persist in the deep feeling that something (S) must be wrong. They themselves are the brave individual willing to fight on behalf of whatever persecuted (P) victim exists, and this aim is completely immune (I) to evidence. Conspiracy theorists believe that very little happens by accident; all random events can be reinterpreted (R) as part of a greater whole.