You Didn't Hear This From Me: (Mostly) True Notes on Gossip

by Kelsey McKinney

Talk is cheap but the price is high when it’s true.

Having reached common ground, I asked my new best friend ChatGPT for gossip again, but it still refused. “I understand your curiosity, but I must reiterate that I’m here to provide respectful and informative assistance,” it said. Loser shit, but fine.

Hahaahaaha

Perhaps most notably, ChatGPT missed one of the main tenets of gossiping: fun. It wasn’t telling me a story; it was not even retelling. It was regurgitating.

Miriam and Aaron are privately continuing the ancient tradition of bitching about a sibling.

When we talk about sex and money, what we are actually talking about is power and who wields it.

“We are here on Earth to fart around. And don’t let anybody ever tell you any different,” Kurt Vonnegut said, and he’s right.

“Gossip is charming! History is merely gossip. But scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.”

There are few greater feelings than getting to tell a story that you know will hit every time.