You Killed Me First

by John Marrs

I need a distraction, so I pick up my iPad and visit the favourites section. Then I spend half an hour being pissed off as I re-download apps that have vanished overnight. This bloody gadget keeps erasing them for no reason and it’s driving me mad. I know I’m not very tech-savvy, but it’s even confused the bloke at the so-called Genius Bar at the Apple store who I went on to harangue about how useless he was. Genius Bar? No. Acne-ridden virgin bar is a more accurate description.

‘Sorry to keep you waiting, girls,’ Liv begins when she appears. I hate how she refers to us as ‘girls’. We’re not in Sex and the City. And if we were, she’d be one of the new characters in the reboot that no one gives a toss about.