You Killed Me First

by John Marrs

If you’re gonna be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty. Marilyn Monroe

‘That’s very Bree Van de Kamp of you.’

‘Who cares if you make friends or buy them?’

Biiiitch

‘Like Orla Kiely walked into the room and exploded. Not the aesthetic we wanted.’ ‘Margot,’ chirps Anna, ‘didn’t you help decorate this place for the last owners?’

Normal? Isn’t that another way of saying boring? So first I’m fat and now I’m dull.

She’s made me understand that it’s not myself I need to kill.

‘They’re Crocs, Frankie.’ I’m always willing to put myself in someone else’s shoes. But not if they’re wearing rubber crimes against couture.

You don’t have to understand something to accept it. You don’t know how a rocket flies into space, but you accept that it does.’

Genius Bar? No. Acne-ridden virgin bar is a more accurate description.

‘Our Margot isn’t quite the Florence Nightingale type, is she?’ ‘More like Nurse Ratched,’

What’s irritated me the most about this whole debacle is that Liv failed to mention it was a midnight walk. Bloody midnight! In March! Who goes for a walk at midnight in March aside from badgers and sex offenders?

My Kindle,

I would be tearing the house up looking for mine

turned against me quicker than you can say Amber Heard.

Until today, Margot and I had not truly met one another. We had never seen these sides to each other. I’ve spent my whole adult life hating that woman. And now I have invited the enemy to my side, I don’t know how to feel. Because Margot has always been the final name on my kill list.

‘Because she is a fucking sociopath and I am your brother.’

I knew it

‘Bonfire Night,’ I correct. ‘Hundreds of years ago a naughty man called Guy Fawkes tried to kill the King by blowing up the Houses of Parliament. It didn’t work, so once a year, we celebrate by lighting bonfires and having fireworks.’

Remember Remember the 5th of November

‘I’d alter your Wikipedia page, spread online rumours about you, and I’d move things around your house. I have a key.’

button attached to the wall. I located it near to the floor, and there, half a silver ring poked out from under an empty refuse bag. I picked it up, thinking it resembled the band Anna wore. There were flecked brown marks on it like mud, that wouldn’t brush off. I slipped it into my pocket to give to her when I eventually saw her again. An intermittent beeping caught my attention. I turned my head to the corner of the garage and spotted a huge chest freezer, its bubble wrap packaging still in a pile next to it. I gave it the once-over, and fearing her food might be defrosting, I pushed the lid down more firmly. But the beeping continued. It was the same with my second attempt. Finally I lifted the lid to slam it down. Inside, it contained only one object. The shape of a human body wrapped in plastic bags.