Bouncy

by B. Sobjakken

Thank whatever genius invented gray sweatpants and athletic shorts. Because they clearly had no inclination that their miraculous creation would show every inch of a well-endowed man.

But it was the jump rope that enthralled me, it was the jump rope that dickmatized me,

Every jump swung the giant schlong between his legs, leaving nothing to the imagination about his weapon of mass vaginal destruction.

“He’s looking to add his banana to that fruit salad.”

“You know, batter-dipping the corn dog. Creaming your twinkie,”

“Bringing the al dente noodle to the spaghetti house.” Slapping a hand over her mouth, I scrunch my nose. “Wouldn’t al dente make it limp?”

“Erin’s Imperfect Guide to Seducing a Man’s Willy and the Useless Organ in His Chest. Is this a real book?”

Callum clears his throat. “You feeling better?” “Yeah, we determined she’s lacking some vitamin D. We’re trying to get it all sorted out,” Malissa says sweetly.

You’ll feel the weeds in front of your mud dungeon if it’s not pruned as well.”

“Then lemme shave your stink wrinkle first, and then I’ll have my buffet of muff pie.”

I nod, arching my hips so the crown of His Majesty slides down my unprotected pink palace.

“Fuck, keep that pussy tootin’. Make room for my baby gravy, love.”

“I’m already hard again just at the thought of the smashed cherry bits smeared all over me. I’ll be patient before plowing your field, I don’t want to damage my favorite crop.”

“Or it could be my gentlemen’s relish I stuffed you full of.”

“My balls contain the magic we need to grow our family. We’re going to thank them. For every wish you want me to grant, you have to rub them in gratitude with your soft, beautiful face until they spew their population paste all over it.”

“Birthday suit on right now and then slide down my pole.”

When I’m on the cusp of blasting off to the planet of pleasure, he pulls back.

“One day soon, these are going to leak with boobie broth and I’m gonna guzzle it down all day,” he whispers into my ear.