Bouncy

by B. Sobjakken

We’re here to make you cringe. We want you to put your book down and take a deep breath. We want you to think, “Did I really just read that?” We want you to claw your way through the cringiest, but best love stories you’ll ever read.

Every jump swung the giant schlong between his legs, leaving nothing to the imagination about his weapon of mass vaginal destruction.

“He’s looking to add his banana to that fruit salad.” I blink. “What?” “You know, batter-dipping the corn dog. Creaming your twinkie,”

“Have a nice dick—I mean day. Day! Oh my god.”

“Now have a nice dick day and read it.”

“You could probably still see if you stand behind the desk. I tend to work harder when I know I have an audience.”

“I think you need to. Like it says you gotta take charge, grab Callum by his large hammer and ask him to nail you.”

Callum clears his throat. “You feeling better?” “Yeah, we determined she’s lacking some vitamin D. We’re trying to get it all sorted out,” Malissa says sweetly.

If I let myself consider that she watches because she’s just as attracted to me, I know I can make the moves to devour Acacia’s untouched honeypot.

“Want to take over the locker room activities and I’ll come find you when he and his anaconda have slithered back into his office?” “Please,” I say, rolling my eyes at her never-ending euphemisms.

“Go ahead, baby. Lick me like your favorite ice cream. Swallow me down like your favorite milkshake,” he purrs at me.

let go of Callum’s shrinking squirt gun.

want it more than I want the air to breathe.” Her nose scrunches. “I like you breathing.” “And I’d like to munch your krabby patty.”

“Oh my god. What are you saying? He ate your whisker biscuit?”

“I have to shave the hair around your other hole too. You’ll feel the weeds in front of your mud dungeon if it’s not pruned as well.”

“Then lemme shave your stink wrinkle first, and then I’ll have my buffet of muff pie.”

“That’s a new one. Malissa always calls it her tuna taco.”

I don’t ask her why because I find it cute. I grab the shaving cream, slathering up her stench trench.

She’s a good girl and doesn’t move as I take my straight blade and shave her little chocolate starfish bare.

I nod, arching my hips so the crown of His Majesty slides down my unprotected pink palace.

My eyes widen at the noise so similar to flatulence even though I know for a fact my buttcheeks aren’t flapping. Tears water in my eyes as I blink up at him. “That wasn’t…I didn’t—“ “Shhh, baby,” he says, his hand pressing down on my lower stomach. He surges forward another inch. “Your tight, tiny canal is emptying for me. It’s my victory horn.”

His pace is relentless, I barely hear the second fart-like noise over the slapping of our skin. I don’t have time to feel humiliated as Callum groans. “Fuck, keep that pussy tootin’. Make room for my baby gravy, love.”

“Give me your cummies, Acacia. You feel too good. I’m not going to last,”

Reaching between us, my fingers touch our combined juices in my twat waffle and hold up

“I’m already hard again just at the thought of the smashed cherry bits smeared all over me. I’ll be patient before plowing your field, I don’t want to damage my favorite crop.”

“After sex glow, it’s a thing. And plus you’re struggling to sit right, which can only mean you forced that Pringle can up your hooha.”

“My balls contain the magic we need to grow our family. We’re going to thank them. For every wish you want me to grant, you have to rub them in gratitude with your soft, beautiful face until they spew their population paste all over it.”

“Birthday suit on right now and then slide down my pole.” I strip out of my clothes and straddle his lap. His fingers reach down and make sure my center is moist enough to take his anaconda. Callum pulls his hand back, hawk tuahs a huge glob of spit, and then stuffs the lube into my core. Lifting me, he lines us up, and I sink down.

“You can’t bust a nut till I’m inside you,” he says, then the bulb of his jumbo pecker glides up my wet heat.

“One day soon, these are going to leak with boobie broth and I’m gonna guzzle it down all day,” he

“Do you like what you’ve done to me, Daddy? Filled me with your special sauce and implanted a piece of you inside me?”

My eyes roll back and I let out a cry as my dick throbs, filling the cup of caffeine with my personal brand of creamer. Stepping back when my seed bags are drained, I mix it with the spoon and hand it to her. She leans against the counter, taking a sip