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Also, Rupi’s and Brenna’s cycles somehow synced up so now they get their periods at the same time. They’re really mean when that happens.
“What’s up, Pablo?” I greet the egg. He doesn’t answer, because he’s not real,
“Who’s playing egg mom today?” I ask.
Goddamn liars.
“I’m sincerely sorry for your recent troubles, Hunter’s dick.” Hunter’s dick’s owner nods soberly.
“By hacking into the system and driving my Rover off a cliff.” He sounds smug. “I want to drive you off a cliff now,”
“The hockey team. Their mascot is a hard-boiled egg
“Are you sure we can’t invite them for Christmas so I can poison their food?”
There’s always someone with a shittier life than yours. That doesn’t turn the shit in your life into roses.”
Fascinated by child psychopaths, unhealthy relationship with food, will break your PlayStation if you f*%k with me.
“Oh, for sure. I’d sell my firstborn to be able to psychoanalyze a killer.” “It worries me that I can’t tell if you’re joking.”
“That was the craziest fucking date I’ve ever spied on,”
“I told you what would happen if you synced your Bluetooth to my car.” “This is not my Bluetooth’s fault.” “Oh really?” “Really. I dropped my phone.” “Still your fault.” “Oh shut up.” “You shut up.”
“Was that your move?” Delight dances in her eyes. “Licking the lips, brushing hair off my face, that little thumb rub. That’s totally the move. Right?” I flash a cocky smile. “Depends. Did it work?” “Yes,” she says frankly, and now it’s my breath that hitches.
“I can’t remember if my show has an episode called Coaches Who Kill.” “You’re probably okay.” “Probably?”
“That’s Dean,” I tell Demi, who for once is speechless. “Oh,” she finally remarks. “Wow.” I narrow my eyes. “What does that mean?” “It means he’s insanely attractive.” “Yeah, and he knows it,” Garrett says with a sigh.
I silence her protest with a growl. “You want your rebound? I’ll give you your fucking rebound. Let’s go.”
promise you, I’m not seeing anybody else. I’m not sleeping with anybody else. I’m with you, and I’m all in.” His voice cracks. “I love you.”
“No, what’s mean was that war crime you just committed against my penis.”
