Goodbye Note

by J.R. Gray

You know as well as I do the industry is fucking filled with old bigots who won’t die.

The guys who spout off at this point in his career are the ones who burn out. He’s got to learn to play the game.”

how do you feel about fans speculating about your love life in relation to who you’ve been seen with or are rumored to be dating?”

“I think I do it to myself. How could I put all those things out there and then get mad people are looking deeper for their meaning? We connect to other humans, and what am I doing if not pretending to be human?”

“You aren’t one to comment on relationships. In fact, I don’t think you’ve ever confirmed a romance to your fans. Did fans picking apart your private life make your mental health worse?”

It helps that they’ve been wrong basically the whole time.”

“Nearly. There have been a few times and places the fans had it totally right, but the rest… Not even close.” I smirked, knowing every fucking face I made would be dissected on YouTube later.

I’d spent too many years avoiding this question—and, frankly, making up things to say because the further I got from Varian, the worse it sounded. I couldn’t say ‘I dated a rock star seventeen years ago and I’m still obsessed with him to this day.’ I couldn’t imagine trying to play off like I wasn’t out of my mind for still not being over him. We’d lived a whole life without each other. It was stupid to still be in love with him.

Well that hurt. fuck

“I have a muse. I’ve always had a muse of some sort, as I’m sure my fans can tell. There are a lot of deeply personal lyrics on all our albums that span from heartbreak to living with my mental illness and everything in between.” I

“This record was a little different because I wasn’t trying to be angry or write a breakup album like so many of our others have been dubbed. This record, I wanted to be about healing. I treated it like therapy, and through that, I cared less about being cryptic. I think most people can relate to having a relationship that profoundly changed the way we interact with the world. I had one of those, and I’m still dealing with the aftereffects.”

“Exactly, and I used to worry about my lyrics and what would be linked to these wild theories and rumors. But for this album, I think I’ve been so disconnected from social media for so long, my art has gotten to a place where I could strip it down to the bare bones and then not worry about what was said about it. The music stands for itself, and if fans speculate, they do.”

“It’s a nostalgia album.

“I’m tired of hiding. As much and as little as that gives away.”

“There’s been rumors over the years…” Lennon held up a hand as his producer gave a low whistle. “Calm down, I’m not getting into it. I know that would be a deep rabbit hole we do not have the time or patience to go down. Give me a chance.”

My mental health has been a lot better since I stopped reading stuff about myself.”

It takes two to be in a relationship, and there are three sides.

Others hinted at love and loss, but they were vague enough to be about any of the dozens of people he dated. Even if parts specifically related to our experience, only the die-hard Varik shippers noticed, and since they were on the fringes of the internet after seventeen years with barely any content, it wasn’t paid attention to.

The guy who put all the stars in my sky.

i wrote you into stars while you carved Your name into my Heart. gave me butterflies in the shape of galaxies.

bled out of fucks.

I kissed the spot on my bicep, my ritual before and after every show, and then leaned into the mic.

I hated myself for leaving. I didn’t know how to forgive myself for ruining my own life.

The opposite of love wasn’t hate. It was civil. Strangers who used to be lovers.

I’d spent the last seventeen years feeding them crap through PR relationships.

I used the album to mourn all the versions of myself I’ve killed to get here.”

Love shouldn’t be compared as it’s all different, but how do you settle for a pittance after having the universe?

He squeezed my hand. “Better get back out there and then come home with me.” “We’re not going home.” I laughed. “Where you are is home.” I melted a little but forced myself back onstage.

“Fucking try me.” He looked at both of them in turn. “You don’t get to fucking tell me what I can post. You don’t get to fucking tell me what’s best for me. And if you try to lock me out of my account, I will make another. If any of you don’t like it, you can fucking quit. Tell the label I said the same thing because, in case anyone forgot, I’m out of contract.”