Did he resent the profile I was giving him? Was he embarrassed by me and my (several, loud, polarizing) internet public antics? Did it hurt his feelings when I called him a loser in public? I was kidding, like I’m always fucking kidding, but it probably sucked to be the target of my jokes. He probably told me it sucked and I probably didn’t listen. The internet is a record of my failures in so many ways, but none more blatant than how the person I loved most in the world and I failed each other. I am tired of the negotiation I make, every day, whether to be my true self online or not. I am
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