Out on a Limb

by Hannah Bonam-Young

That’s how men get you. A false sense of comfort, and then boom—ten months later you’re telling people you have allergies to avoid explaining your red-rimmed eyes again.

Independence is a virtue, and one that is best learned without too many hard lessons. My logic will always have to reconcile against my foolish, helpless heart. And I think logic will win in the end. I can make sure of that. So I shut my eyes and will myself to sleep well. Determined to not lose sleep over any man. No matter how wonderful he may seem.

But truthfully, I can’t help but wonder…is anyone ever ready for a kid?

“You can’t change anything by hiding it. You’ll just look back on memories and realize you tried to erase yourself. And how sad that would be.”

At least, given that we’ll have to spend—you know—forever in proximity, he’s not entirely intolerable.

“Bo seeing everything”—Sarah gestures wildly with an open palm toward my hips—“is how you got into this situation.”

HAHAHAHA

“No wonder you got pregnant. The guy had a direct line of sight to your ovaries! A clean shot!”

KOCAK BANGET!!!!!!!

“I’m going to friend the shit out of you, Freddie McNulty.” “So aggressive,” I say, giggling.

“Dismiss yourself like that. That sounds really fucking cool and important to me. Don’t trivialize what you accomplished.”

Bo's a gem!

“You’re not a mooch. You’re an asset.” He bumps his shoulder against mine, wrangling a smile out of me. “An asset?” I ask, blinking up at him. “Of course. You’ve definitely upped the house’s value by adding decor and giving this boring room a makeover. Not to mention you’re increasing the number of household members by 50 percent. Plus, you’re good for morale,” he teases with a wink.

Bo is the sweetest

Bo is clearly the type of guy who takes people under his wing. A natural caretaker type. It makes me glad to know that my kid will have a dad who goes above and beyond for the people he cares about.

“Celebratory?” I ask. “What are we celebrating?” “Your new plan. The kid you’re growing. You, in general.”

“Yeah, I think I would. I know the timing isn’t exactly ideal, but if you lined up every other person in the world who I could’ve had a baby with, I’d choose you again. You’re going to be a fantastic mom, Win.”

“You made me feel really wanted,”

It’s so much easier to communicate insecurities when you don’t need to communicate them at all. Isn’t that all we ever want? To be seen and heard? Validated, even when we’re not able to ask for it.

“As capable as you think I am, it’s far less than how capable I think you are,” he says, argumentatively. “Maybe what we lack in limbs, we make up for in enthusiasm and wits. Who else do you know that could go swimming, launch a business plan, and name a baby all before lunch?”

“Win, Bo, and Gus are gonna take over the world,”

“I’d do it all over again to be at that party,” he says. “To meet you. To get Gus.”

“I don’t take it for granted, Win. I feel very honored to get to do this with you.”

“Your friendship means a lot to me, Win.” He breathes out. “You mean a lot to me.”

“You’re perfect, Win,” Bo says, as easily as breathing. “Of course I’d want them to have every part of you.”

Let me in, I want to say amidst the silence. Love me. Trust me. I won’t let you down. I swear it.

“I love you, Win. I love you so much it makes me feel like I’ve hated everything else in my life up until now. Nothing compares to what I feel for you. Not even close.”

“It’s not up to you to fix Jack’s mistakes….” “No,” Bo says, leaning down to kiss me just once, brushing his nose against mine. “But it is my job to love you the way you deserve to be loved from now on.” He presses his forehead against mine, breathing out slowly. “Let me do that, honey.”

Oh my goooooooodd

“And I miss you so much, even when you’re just a few feet away. I think about you every second of the day and struggle to think of much else. I meant what I said that first night. You are maddening.”

“You are my soul’s purpose, Win. To know you, to love you, to build a family with you, to spend every day taking care of you, to watch you shine and get all the good things you deserve out of this life.”