Out on a Limb

by Hannah Bonam-Young

“So…do we—do we get married?” “What?” I jump back. “No! What? Why would we get married? We don’t even know each other!” He sits straighter, blowing out a breath. “Sorry, I’m not sure what came over me just then.” “The ghost of your great-grandfather, evidently,” I say.

“Celebratory?” I ask. “What are we celebrating?” “Your new plan. The kid you’re growing. You, in general.”

“Yeah, I think I would. I know the timing isn’t exactly ideal, but if you lined up every other person in the world who I could’ve had a baby with, I’d choose you again. You’re going to be a fantastic mom, Win.”

It’s so much easier to communicate insecurities when you don’t need to communicate them at all. Isn’t that all we ever want? To be seen and heard? Validated, even when we’re not able to ask for it.

“It’s bizarre to live more life than the person who gave me mine…”

“I’d do it all over again to be at that party,” he says. “To meet you. To get Gus.”

“You’re perfect, Win,” Bo says, as easily as breathing. “Of course I’d want them to have every part of you.”

Let me in, I want to say amidst the silence. Love me. Trust me. I won’t let you down. I swear it.

“I love you, Win. I love you so much it makes me feel like I’ve hated everything else in my life up until now. Nothing compares to what I feel for you. Not even close.”

“You are my soul’s purpose, Win. To know you, to love you, to build a family with you, to spend every day taking care of you, to watch you shine and get all the good things you deserve out of this life.”

My thoughtful, beautiful, kindhearted Win invited my mother to be with us today, as best she could. Yet another gift from the incredible woman I have the privilege to call mine.

For the past year I’ve found myself watching Win perform mundane, everyday tasks, feeling more entertained than I’ve ever been doing anything else. I could easily spend a lifetime watching Win from the sidelines and still be perfectly, contentedly happy at the end of my days.

I just love her so fucking much. More than I can physically hold in. I love this place. I love our friends. I love this day and this entire last year too. I love my little girl and the other children I hope to someday share with Win. I love my life now, thanks to her. I have a life now, thanks to her.