Look Who's Back

by Timur Vermes

“Have you seen the figures?” he rejoiced. “You’ve just hit 700,000, and the numbers are going north all the time. It’s madness. You’re out of the ballpark.” “Indeed,” I said, not quite understanding everything he had said. “But I find your delight quite overblown. It can’t possibly make any sense!” “What? What do you mean? You’re our golden goose, old chap! Believe you me, this is just the launchpad. It’s a game changer, a paradigm shift.” “But you still have to pay all the people!” “Which people?” “I was myself in charge of propaganda for a while. And I know that to bring 700,000 people over to your side you need 10,000 men. And they have to be fanatical.” “Ten thousand men? What ten thousand men?” “Ten thousand stormtroopers, theoretically. And that’s a conservative estimate. But I don’t imagine you have an S.A. yet, do you? So you will need at least 15,000.” “You really are a few sandwiches short of a picnic,” Sensenbrink said. I had no idea what he was going on about, although he sounded cheerful enough. I couldn’t be sure, but I thought I heard glasses clinking in the background. “But watch out, one day someone’s going to take you seriously!” And he hung up.