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To anyone who has ever lost themselves only to build themselves back up to be stronger. Your strength is greater than any struggle
Even if the topic has nothing to do with him, it always does. He’s woven into my life so deeply, it’s painful, yet I wouldn’t want it any other way.
“You’re not mad at me, though. I’m your favorite, right, baby?” he asks, running his nose up the side of her neck. “No, Quinn is.” She deadpans, and I stifle a giggle at my brother’s dejected face. “But I guess you’re okay too.” As she bops his nose, Seb’s frown deepens. Indie glances over at me, a rare smile tugging at her lips. That’s my best friend. Saweetie & Doja Cat’s “Best Friend” blares in my head.
Quinn You know the way to a girl’s heart, Miles Cooper.
“Quinn,” he says softly, breaking the silence. “I’m sorry.” “For what?” “For everything,” he mutters, his eyes still on mine, still a little glassy. “For being an idiot.” I nudge my shoulder to his, feeling lighter. “Well, it’s a good thing you’re my best friend then, because I sort of love you, you big idiot.”
Bumping his shoulder into mine, I offer up a slightly watery smile. Then he lifts his hand for the fist bump we’ve been doing since we were eight years old. “First down.” I gently tap my fist against his, biting the inside of my cheek to stop my eyes from filling. “All the way.”
“Quinn June Ophelia Dawson also likes gummy worms,” I say pointedly, feeling territorial as I stare at Hudson. “Exclusively, the red and blue ones. She loves romantic comedies, her favorite color is pastel yellow, her favorite flowers are wildflowers, and she hates wearing flip-flops because when she was nine years old, she almost broke her toe tripping over in her new Havaiana flip-flops that she spent a month’s worth of chore money on and then donated them after that. And up until the age of six, she couldn’t say Caterpillars, she used to call them Callepitters.”
“I’m not interested in what Miles the football player is doing right now. I need to know that my best friend is okay.”
I extend my other hand in a fist like I always do. “First down.” He hesitates, and my heart stutters, but then, his hand gently knocks against mine. “All the way,” he whispers, with a ghost of a smirk.
“It should be easy. I tend to ramble, though, and he might think he’s made a mistake before we’ve even met.” “You? Ramble? I never realized,” Indie teases. “Oh, she’s funny today,” I quip.
There's a diner across the street with a flickering neon sign. It looks like the kind of place that serves terrible coffee. Perfect.
“You don’t have to thank me, I’m glad you’re here,” I admit, because she’s still my best friend, no matter what. I want to be around her; she’s comfort, she’s safe, and I need that.
“I shouldn’t have done it because it complicates things. Because you’re my best friend’s sister. Because you’re my best friend. But I don’t regret it. Not for a second.”
“Y-you don’t?” He shakes his head lightly, his gaze falling to my mouth. “I can’t regret something I don’t want to forget.”
“But if you don’t want that, I’ll back off and let you date your musician. I’ll be your friend and leave it at that.”
“I don’t want to date the musician,” I say breathlessly. His eyes flicker with surprise, and yet confident smirk blooming on his lips tells me he’d hoped I’d say that. “You don’t, huh?” I shake my head, lifting onto my toes to brush the tip of my nose to his. “Kiss me and mean it, Cooper.”
“I’m not afraid.” Except I already know that’s a lie. I’m scared of this, of her, of what we could be and how I’ll inevitably mess it up. Suddenly, my throat feels thick as I try to swallow past it. “But for once in my life, I’m going to exercise control.” She searches my eyes for a beat. “Control?” “I don’t want to jump into the deep end here. You’re my best friend.”
“You know I’m not fragile, right?” I smirk at her response. I know she isn’t. She’s the strongest person I know. “You might not be, but maybe I am.”
“You are coming to me for advice!” he yelps, practically jumping from the couch. “Oh my god, fuck. This never happens. Well, I’m your guy, the best man for the job.” He brushes his hair from his face and looks at me with a dopey grin. “Hudson Parker – Advice Guru. And to think you’re the one who started it all.”
“You about done?” “I’m so excited.” Clearing his throat, he schools his expression. “Hit me with it.”
“You haven’t actually done anything yet, except raise my blood pressure.”
“I’d do anything for you. You’re my best friend.” Miles passes me another candy, the red and blue one, and I smile because that’s my favorite. “You’re my best friend too. You and Seb.” “Yeah, but you don’t wanna marry my stinky brother, right?” He shakes his head. “I think I’m supposed to buy you a ring, instead of you buying me one,” he mumbles, shoving too many gummies in his mouth, but it’s okay, because I only like the red and blue ones and he’s eating the other colors. “So, you’ll marry me?” “Sure.” He shrugs,
“I’m really good at icing ankles, see, so I figured it’s a safe bet.” “Ha ha, you think you’re funny.” “Hilarious, actually.”
“What are you doing?” Puffing my hair from my face, I look up at him, panting and awkwardly trying to keep my foot off the floor still. “Oh, y’know, trying to practice interpretive dance.” He tilts his head, but a small smirk plays on his face. “And how’s that going for you?” “Great, can’t you tell?”
“I’m an independent woman who can take care of herself.” Granted, that statement would be much more convincing if I were on my two feet, hands on my hips, determined glare in my eyes, and not crawling around like a baby. But I’ll work with what I’ve got.
I don’t even hesitate to give it to her. “0312.” Her entire demeanor shifts from casual to frozen. It takes her a few minutes to look up at me, and when she does, the surprise in her eyes glistens. “March twelfth,” she repeats. I nod, knowing exactly what that date is. “Your birthday.” Her eyes flit from the phone to meet mine, as confusion and vulnerability etch on her face. “Why?” she asks, voice trembling. “Why did you use my birthday as your code?” Suddenly feeling everything she’s not saying, I swallow roughly. “Because…” I begin, needing to clear my throat. “You’re important to me.
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Falling in love with Miles was never a choice. It always felt inevitable.
How can I not be in love with him when he knows my ice cream order by heart?
“Look at me again,” he says quietly as our friends busy themselves around us. I glance up, and he studies me, well my eyes, for a long time. “Hm, yeah, more of a light green.” Air evaporates from the room rapidly because he’s looking at me. My eyes. His favorite color belongs to me.
“How right this feels.” He meets my gaze, his expression serious now. “I feel things for you, Quinn, and I don’t know where they’ve come from, because we’ve only ever been friends, but they’re there. Feelings. Big ones and…” He pauses for a second, and I realize I’m not breathing either. “I want to feel them. I think I’ve loved you across lifetimes, Quinn, and I don’t want to stop now.”
“It doesn’t make what he’s doing okay, though. And when you make the pros, it’ll be because you have more talent in your pinky finger than he ever did.” She flushes with determination as her eyes lock onto mine. “But what if he’s right?” I ask, my voice trembling. “What if I’m not good enough?” “You are good enough,” she says, unwavering.
“It really is nothing,” she mutters. “Let’s just get there.” “Humor me,” I coax gently. She groans, and I feel the weight leave her. “I just have…cramps, okay? I’m tired, and this morning, I cried at a car commercial I saw on social media. All I want is the worst, greasiest food I can find—preferably a burger and fries with a milkshake to dip the fries into, and I don’t want anyone telling me it’s weird because I’ll just cry again. I want to sit and watch the new Taylor Swift tour movie for the seventh time because it makes me happy, and maybe I’ll cry at that too because it reminds me I
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“We’re going to Lakeside to get your burger, fries, and milkshake. Then, we’re heading back to my dorm, where you can watch Taylor on my big-ass TV. We can cry together, and you can dip those fries into the milkshake as many times as you damn well please.”
“I hope you weren’t joking about letting me cry while watching Taylor and dipping French fries into my milkshake, because all of that is on the horizon, buddy.”
“You’re…” she starts, her voice barely above a whisper as her throat works on a swallow. “You’re…everything.” The words hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m speechless. Everything? The way she’s looking at me, like I’m the only thing that matters in the world, makes me feel like I could actually be that for her.
“Everything, huh?” I say softly as a small smile tugs at the corners of my mouth. I brush a thumb over her cheek, feeling the warmth of her skin under my touch. She nods, her smile mirroring mine, and I want to make sure that I can be her everything, always because she’s my First Down: All the way girl.
“This might sound odd, but is there a girl outside?” “A girl?” “Probably in a cheerleading uniform. Probably looking real fucking scared right now.” The doc smiles knowingly. “If I can find her, you want me to send her in?” I nod, which hurts like hell. “More than anything.”
“There’s something else.” I swallow deeply as I get ready for the finale. “I love her, okay? I’m in love with her. This isn’t me messing around. I’ve managed to fuck things up epically, but I’m not going to lose her. She’s… She’s everything to me.”
“Listen,” he says, widening his stance slightly. “Did you fuck up? Yeah, you did. Do I wish you’d told me about things? Yeah, I do. But if you think for one second that I’m going to leave you, let you deal with all this alone? You’ve got it all wrong.” He sighs loudly. “I’m pissed, sure, but you don’t get to decide when this friendship ends—because it doesn’t end. Not now, not ever. Captain or not, teammate or not, dating my sister”—he shudders—“which, by the way, I do not want details of. We’re in this together, and that’s how it’s always going to be. You hear me? It doesn’t end.”
I think he expected me to stutter, panic, backtrack. But I don’t. Because deep down, I know, if anyone’s my forever, it’s her.
Still, I go to Miles, because I can’t not. He’s my person.
Wait. Is this just so you have more people to save you from hookups gone wrong? Jay Nail on the head. Hudson No! I’m upset that you think so little of me. Miles It totally is. Hudson Oh there he is, my favorite person.
“They’ll miss you out there, without a doubt, but you’re going to be fine. Especially with my girl looking out for you.” She nudges my shoulder. “I don’t know how I got so lucky with her.” “I feel the same a lot of the time. Those Dawsons are a different breed, I swear. But if you tell her I said that, I will personally make sure you regret it.”
“What is that?” I ask, my voice barely a whisper. He doesn’t answer right away, just looks down at me, a small, almost shy smile playing on his lips. Slowly, he lifts his shirt, revealing a tattoo covered over with plastic wrap that I’ve never seen before. My eyes land on the design—a queen’s crown inked over his left pec, bold and intricate.
I think about how lucky I am to have her in my life—someone who challenges me, makes me feel at home, and gives me space when I need it.
She pulls me into a kiss full of promises, and I know I want to spend all of my tomorrows with her, because she’s the one who taught me that sometimes being fragile is what makes us strong.
