The Silent Patient

by Alex Michaelides

‘There’s nothing to say. I just get so stuck in my head sometimes. I feel like I’m wading through mud.’

‘There’s nothing to say. I just get so stuck in my head sometimes. I feel like I’m wading through mud.’

And as I talked, I found that no matter how distressing the details I related, I could feel nothing. I was disconnected from my emotions, like a hand severed from a wrist. I talked about painful memories and suicidal impulses – but couldn’t feel them.

We’re all crazy, I believe, just in different ways.

‘Therapy isn’t just about talking,’ Indira said. ‘It’s about providing a safe space – a containing environment. Most communication is non-verbal, as I’m sure you know.’

The truth is, I have many complicated feelings around going home, and being at the house, with Lydia and Paul. So I avoid going back – and I end up feeling guilty, so I can’t win either way.