The Invitation

by Vi Keeland

“Where have you been, by the way?” “Talking to Noah.” “Who’s Noah?” “A cute waiter. He’s going to be an actor.” I rolled my eyes. “Sure he is. We were supposed to stick together, you know.” “It didn’t look like you were too lonely. Who was that Adonis, anyway? You know I don’t like it when you have men in your life better looking than me.” I sighed. “He was gorgeous, wasn’t he?” Fisher drank his beer. “I’d do him.”

I’d been thinking I should offer twenty-five cents since she’d started out at fifty. My mom always said we should haggle at these sales. But this woman didn’t seem like the negotiating type. Besides, I had the fifty cents, she’d paid ten dollars, and I was a little afraid of her.

He then sent me a picture of a man from the newest dating site he’d joined. The guy wore only a pair of tight, gray boxers. His smile was nice, and he had good hair. But when I panned down to the rest of him, my eyes bulged. Now I knew why he’d sent it to me. Another text arrived underneath. Fisher: You told me to stop picking men by their abs and look for a genuine smile. That thing is definitely smiling.;) Stella: That can’t be real …

“Wow.” I sat back in my chair and smirked. “You’re definitely better than Aiden.” His eyes gleamed. “I’m not going to touch that one with a ten-foot pole.”

“Homeslice? As in the singular for my homies?”

“I said your name twice, but you didn’t answer.” She plucked a wireless earbud from her ear. “I have these in, and the music was loud.” I shook my head. “You were flailing your arms around—I thought you were choking.” Stella frowned. “I was conducting.” “Conducting?” “Yeah, you know, pretending to be the conductor in a symphony.” I stared at her like she had two heads. “No, I don’t know. It isn’t often that I conduct a symphony in the kitchen at the office.” “Well, that’s a shame. You should try it. It’s good for the soul.”

“Maybe, but that’s not why I’m doing it. I’m doing it because it’s been a long time since you made an effort with a woman. You’re used to just walking into a bar, showing that pretty face, and taking the pick of the litter home. This is good. I hate spending so much time with Alana’s sister’s husband. He’s a tool.” “I’m lost. What does your wife’s sister’s husband have to do with this conversation?” “Simple. If you had a goddamned girlfriend, we could go out to dinner with you and her sometimes, instead of Allison and Chuck. Who the hell under the age of sixty calls themselves Chuck, anyway?”

“Hey, do you have a second? I was going over these reports Helena brought by and—” Her eyes widened to saucers when I looked up. “Oh my God! Please tell me I didn’t do that?” I nodded. “Okay. You didn’t give me two black eyes. I got into a fistfight with the kid at the deli down the block. He wrote my name wrong on my cup, and it pissed me off.” “Really?” “No, of course not.” I waved my hand at my face. “This is all your handiwork, Rocky.”

“You know what you need? To try my happiness system.” “Your happiness system?” Stella nodded. “I know—it needs a better name.” I grumbled. “I can think of a few.” “I heard that, but I’m choosing to ignore it.

“Really? Then how do you meet people? The old-fashioned way?” “Yes, I pay for prostitutes.”

“Not a fan of hookups, I take it?” “Does Theo James count?” “The actor? You hooked up with him?” “Well, no—not the actual actor. But I sort of named my vibrator after him.” Hudson groaned again. “Don’t tell me that shit.” “What? Is that too personal? Surely it’s not a shock that a single woman has one.” “No, it’s not that. But now I want to punch Theo James.”

Some of the best things in life are messy—buns, sheets after good sex, lava cake, watermelon. Do I need to go on?”

“You know I’m counting all the times you torture me. Eventually I’ll get even.” “And how will you do that?” He leaned in and kissed my cheek, then moved his lips to my ear. “With my mouth.” I blinked a few times, taking in Hudson’s smirk as he walked away. He spoke over his shoulder. “Hold that thought, Stella. Your whisper is getting almost loud enough that I can hear it.”

“You asked me why I changed my mind about investing in your company.” “You said your sister was very persuasive, or something along those lines.” He nodded. “That wasn’t the whole truth.” “No?” Hudson shook his head, and his eyes dropped to my lips. “I wanted to get to know you. The week after my sister’s wedding, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. It wasn’t because you’re beautiful—don’t get me wrong, you are. But I was attracted to your strength. You’re not a woman who needs a man. You’re a woman a man needs. I’m not sure I even recognized the difference years ago. But you make it impossible to forget now.”

“Thank you,” I said. “For what?” “For seeing me the way you do. I know I can be a handful at times.” Hudson looked into my eyes. “You are a handful. But don’t worry.” He winked. “I’ve got two big hands.”

“Thank you. You look nice yourself. I really do like you with a five-o’clock shadow.” “I’ll be tossing all my razors right after dinner.”

It was an effort not to scowl, finding Phoenix on the other side. Yet I welcomed him with a curt nod. “Morning.” The fucker walked right to Stella without even acknowledging me. Shutting the door behind him, I grumbled, “Good to see you, too.”

“What are you doing?” “Eating your face.”

“Do you have condoms?” Okay, then. Something else it is.

“So you and Hudson seem pretty tight.” Fisher and I strolled the aisles at the flea market side by side. I sighed. “He’s incredible.” He wiggled his brows. “I know. I got an eyeful of that chest at breakfast this morning.”

“Okay, well, hopefully you won’t do that. But you have no idea what he wants to have delivered?” “Nope. Hopefully it’s foam.” “Foam?” Fisher nodded. “To put behind your headboard. I heard you guys going at it last night.” “Oh God, please tell me you’re kidding.” “Your bed shares a wall with my television in the living room. I have that shelf that holds the cable box and some books underneath. You knocked Stephen King on the floor.”

I raised a brow. “You smuggled an animal into SeaWorld?” Stella nodded. “I like to think of it as helping him get asylum, but yes.”

I somehow expected my sister to push him off—like this was the first time it had happened. She’d smack him across the face and push him away. But she didn’t. My sister wrapped her arms around my fiancé’s neck and kissed him back—two willing participants embroiled in a passionate kiss … in my parents’ driveway. I couldn’t say a word. My mouth hung open in complete and utter shock. I’d forgotten Fisher was sitting next to me until he spoke. “I stand corrected. There are worse things than your wife banging your buddy like in the diary you’re reading.” He shook his head in disbelief as he gawked with me. “That’s the ultimate fucking betrayal.”

“That’s beautiful. When did you become so enlightened?” “About ten minutes ago when I was seated at this table and the waiter walked over. The hostess had asked me if I wanted a high table or a booth. I said a high table, but she walked me over to this booth anyway. I could have told her it wasn’t what I’d requested, but instead, I followed one of the little stones down a new path and look what it brought me.” My forehead wrinkled. “I’m lost. What did it bring you?” Our waiter approached, carrying a tray with our appetizer. He set the dish in the middle of the table and flashed a dazzling smile at Fisher. “Can I get you anything else?” “Not at the moment. But maybe later?” The waiter’s eyes sparkled. “You got it.” After he walked away, Fisher picked up a mozzarella stick and winked at me. “Him. That path brought me him, and I think that’s exactly where I’m supposed to be in a few hours.”

“You know, I think we should probably give in. We don’t stand a chance if the whole world is conspiring.” “Sweetheart, I didn’t stand a chance from the moment I looked at you.”

Today I took Charlie out to breakfast and told her Stella was moving in. After, we were walking home and passed a park. Inside were two little girls, maybe a year younger than her. They were jumping up and down with wide eyes and huge smiles plastered on their faces. I pointed to the girls and said, “What do you think they’re so excited about?” Charlie’s response was, “Maybe their daddy’s girlfriend is moving in, too.”

“I’m not just asking you to marry me. I’m asking you to be my family with Charlie. So I had yours made, and then a mini replica in cubic zirconia for her—my two ladies. Whaddya say, sweetheart? Be ours?” I looked over at Charlie. She had a giant smile on her face as she took something from behind her back and held it up. A banana with writing on it. Say yes, so we’ll never split.

“But it’s our triple anniversary. Three years ago today, we met at your sister’s wedding. Two years ago, we got engaged, and ten months and eight days ago, we got married.” “What’s the anniversary gift for ten months and eight days?” I mused. “A file so we can cut through the bars of prison when we get arrested for crashing a wedding?” “Oh come on. Where’s your sense of adventure?” “How about a blowjob in the car instead?”

At the top of the stairs that led from the resort property down to the beach, two large men dressed all in black stood with their arms crossed. I assumed they were security. “What’s your plan for them? I take one and you punch the other’s kneecaps?”