He Who Fights with Monsters 11 (He Who Fights with Monsters, #11)

by Shirtaloon

“Thank you for waiting,” Gary said. “If not the ancient and immortal,” Hero asked, “then from whom can you expect patience? In any case, Asano’s invitation to this place was contingent on letting you make your goodbyes first.” “Excuse me, your godness,” Farrah said, “but I didn’t think deities could enter Jason’s spirit domains at all.” “His control over his power grows,” the god said, “and will only continue to do so. I had hoped he would use it to vouchsafe your life, Gareth Xandier.” “He gave me a choice,” Gary said. “I chose.” Hero nodded. “I know that you intend to hold my power a little longer. Please continue with my blessing, for as long as you can tolerate it.” “It’s your blessing that got us here in the first place,” Farrah muttered. “Farrah!” Gary admonished. Hero held out a restraining hand. “She is not wrong,” the god said, sadness tinging his voice. “I am sorry that this is all I had to offer you.” “Yeah, well, maybe come up with a less lethal miracle,” Farrah said. “Farrah!” “I would like that,” Hero said. “But change is hard for my kind, and often comes with consequences we neither foresee nor welcome. We only have to look to Purity for that.”

“It’s alright,” Hero said. “I would not act this way with every god, Farrah Hurin, but I am the god of heroes. I, of all, understand that actions, not power, are what makes one worthy of respect. And all I do is kill heroes.” The sadness emanating from the god’s aura was on a divine level and Farrah felt caught up in it, as if struck by a tidal wave. Tears spilled from her eyes. She felt the god’s despair at his role, undeniable and sincere. “I’m sorry,” she said. The god placed a large hand on her shoulder as she bent her head. His voice became warm and paternal. “Feel no shame in standing for a friend, child. Instead, take pride in doing so, especially in the face of a god.” “With respect,” Gary said, “I’m not sure you should be encouraging that behaviour.” The god let out a laugh, startling the mortal and the demigod.

“You are fine heroes, both of you. And being a hero is more than just weapons and battlefields. I know of your project, Farrah Hurin. Working to connect the world. More good will come from that than any ‘glorious war.’” Hero said the last two words as if they left a bad taste in his mouth. “To be honest, I’m mostly doing it for the money,” Farrah said, and the god laughed again. “To be honest? You should not lie to gods, Farrah Hurin.”

The god stepped back and Gwydion moved to stand before Gary. There was none of Gwydion’s normal amusement in his expression as he bowed before Gary, as deeply as he had for his god. “Gareth Xandier,” he intoned. “You are a hero, to be sung through the ages. Your battle is done and your well-earned time of rest draws near. I ask that you bestow your relic upon my church, in testament to your deeds.” Gary looked at Gwydion for a long time, the priest still bent over in mid-bow. Then he held out his hand, into which an enormous hammer appeared with a burst of golden fire. He looked at the words ‘Gary’s Last Hammer’ engraved into it and shook his head. The word ‘Last’ started glowing like molten metal, then reshaped itself so the hammer read ‘Gary’s Medium Hammer.’ He held it out and Gwydion stood up. Despite his serious expression, Gwydion couldn’t keep the mirth from his eyes as he read the inscription. “Thank you, hero. I wish you nothing but joy in the time that is left to you.” “I didn’t do it to be remembered,” Gary said. “But there’s not much point holding on to the thing. We both know that when you say my battle is done, I don’t have anything useful left to do for anyone.” “Gary—” “Don’t, Gwydion. I gave you my hammer. At least have the decency to not pay for it with a nice lie. I never wanted to be a hero.” Gwydion looked at Gary in silence, his expression conflicted. He turned and left, carrying the hammer reverently, if somewhat unsteadily, away. Although the priest...

Jason’s team, like the rest of the expedition, faced weeks of debriefing meetings with the Adventure Society. Their insistence that they would not answer to any Magic Society representatives caused contention but was ultimately accepted. Danielle Geller did not have the reputation on this side of the world she did in her homeland… at first. That changed in direct proportion to the bureaucratic pressure applied to her son. Danielle also teleported Farrah’s parents in from Rimaros. Despite her desire to return to her personal project, Farrah and her parents joined Gary and his in what remained of Jason’s soul realm. While the rest of their friends were dealing with one debrief after another, Farrah quickly fled to the tree city and didn’t come back out. Others had migrated into the tree city as well. Mostly this consisted of Carlos Quilido and a new research team he’d assembled. His previous assistants had returned to Rimaros while Carlos was underground, although many returned. The funding was not a problem due to the father of Gibson Amouz, the young nobleman in the care of Carlos. Gibson had been trapped in a customised stasis chamber for around a year, rescued halfway through a conversion process meant to turn him into a zealot slave. Undoing the horrors visited upon him was the focus of Carlos’ work. The Healer priest hoped that success would lead to saving others thought lost forever to vampirism and related conditions. Jason had set up a research centre in the tree ci...

After weeks of unceasing questions, the team was extremely ready to move on. Especially when more and more answers began with “I don’t know.” “I don’t know, it was a weird Jason thing.” “I don’t know why it was shaped like his head.” “I don’t know. It looked like a bunch of magic carriages all stuck together to make a giant golem.”

“You know nothing about how royalty works, do you?” “No, and I don’t care. And as for thieving, I haven’t entirely left that behind. Adventuring calls for it more often than I expected.” “Do you think I’m playing at adventurer? Waiting to go back to my palace?” “Nope. I’ve seen you bleed, Princess. Seen your team members drag you out of the fight for refusing to leave people behind. Even if you had to prove anything to me, which you don’t, you’d have proven yourself just fine.” “Then what are you saying?” “I don’t know. I’m just talking. It’s not for me to tell you how to live your life. I guess, if I’m saying anything, it’s that good work for good people isn’t so bad. While you’re waiting for purpose to come along, you can spend your life staring out at the dark, or you can spend it doing some good.” “The messengers are all dead.” Sophie let out a chuckle. “There’s plenty more where they came from. And if you’re tired of dealing with messengers, there’s always good work to be done somewhere. I even know some good people, if you’re looking.”

No one needed to sleep during the battle in Jason’s soul, but the rules included three mandatory breaks per day. No violence was possible during these breaks, but there was always a food cart waiting by the side of the road, along with enchanted training weights tailored to a silver-ranker. These went ignored by most of the great astral beings. The exception was the Celestial Book, who merrily plundered each new food cart.

“Boris Ketland, you sneaky bugger,” he called in a thick Australian accent. “I don’t know if anyone won the pool on you. A bloody angel? Who’d guess that, you skirt-chasing sleazebag?” Boris chuckled, holding out his hand for the man to shake. “It’s good to see you, Bruce. I’m hoping your presence here can smooth things out.” “I wouldn’t go pinning your hopes on smooth, mate. You’ve right kicked the hornet’s nest. Showing up with these two blokes and a divine host at your back? Some bloody powerful people just got woken up.” Boris nodded. “I guessed as much. Anyway, Bruce Montgomery, allow me to introduce Taika Williams and Rufus Remore. Taika, I’m sure you know of already. Rufus has yet to learn any Earth languages.” “Yeah, facial recognition pegged Taika the moment he brushed the dirt off his face. Had bit of a rough landing, mate?” “The trip was a bit rough,” Taika said as he shook Bruce’s hand. “What was that about a pool?” Bruce laughed. “In the Cabal,” he said, “none of the human members ever turn out to be human. There’s always a pool on anyone who hasn’t shown their true colours.” “It’s generally not polite to ask,” Boris said, “but Bruce here is an ogre. Or so he says.” “Oh, don’t you bloody start,” Bruce said. “I think he rigged the pool,” Boris said. “I think he’s not an ogre but three humans in a big coat.” “Where would I even get a twelve-foot coat?” Bruce asked. “And you’ve seen me in my real form. You bought me those stretchy purple pants, you cheeky sod.”

“We’re not actually angels,” Boris explained. “We’re called messengers.” “Doesn’t ‘angel’ mean messenger in Greek or Latin or some such?” “Close enough, but we’re definitely not the messengers of God, Bruce.” “Who are you the messengers of, then?” “The will of the cosmos,” Boris said. “It’s a load of crap. Religion mixed up with racial supremacy.” “So… pretty much angels, then.” Boris let out a groan. “It’s definitely what they’re going to call us, isn’t it?” “Yep,” Bruce said. “Magic has made things wonky enough when it comes to religion. You lot turning up might start a holy war or three.” Boris let out a weary sigh, then set his shoulders with determination. “That’s tomorrow’s problem,” he said.

recognise you from my grandson’s recordings, Mr Remore. Before we begin, let me thank you for being a teacher and a friend to him when he was in desperate need of both. I’m told that you can understand me, even without speaking my language.” “I am use translation magic,” Rufus said. “It is wobble when not soul.” “Translation magic that’s externally applied instead of an inherent power isn’t excellent, I’m afraid,” Boris said. “He’ll grasp the basics, but it would be best to keep our speech simple so he can follow effectively.” “I am thank nice for your mouth noise,” Rufus said. “He’ll pick up the languages here very quickly,” Boris assured Yumi. “I have no doubt,” Yumi said. “Our silver-rankers have excellent memories, so I’ve had them all learning multiple languages. It’s been very useful.

“That doesn’t mean I’m going to let you take over my daughter’s education. Why should I even consider doing that?” “My family runs a school.” “A school for warriors. I don’t want my daughter to be a warrior.” “Not warriors. Teach to fight, yes, but also teach to not fight. Your child will have power. Those with power can choose peace, but peace not always choose them. Will not train warrior, but will teach. Will make ready.” “Ready for what?” “For everything.”

“You eat up now,” Raina said as she spooned another heap of tartiflette onto Rufus’ plate. “Mrs Williams, I couldn’t,” Rufus said. “That’s what your mouth says,” she told him. “The way you’re eyeing that plate says something different.” “Maybe just a little more,” he said. “Boy, don’t come here telling me ‘a little.’ I do not know what they’re feeding you in that other universe, but my Taika got skinny as a rake over there and you’re even worse.” “Skinny?” Hiro Asano said. “I know magic turned a lot of fat into muscle, but he’s still as wide and brown as a station wagon from the eighties.” Hiro reached for the dish of garlic bread and got a rap on the knuckles for his trouble. “Garlic bread is for polite young men,” Mrs Williams scolded. “I’m fifty-eight,” Hiro complained. “I can’t be a young man.” “Then you’re old enough to know better,” Mrs Williams said, earning a helpless look from Hiro that made Emi giggle. “You shouldn’t talk back, Boss,” Taika warned Hiro. “Not if you want to keep eating.” It had been several years since Taika had worked for Hiro in their criminal days, but some things just stuck. “I really should go,” Rufus said, but made no move to do so as he continued demolishing the food on his plate. “You’ve done really good work with the refugees, Rufus,” Hiro said. “We were having a lot of trouble with all these traumatised people who suddenly found themselves not human anymore. As someone who grew up in and around people who weren’t human, you’ve been a set...

Gary emerged from the portal in his cloud seat, Farrah and his parents right behind. His parents each took one of his hands as the golden light around him drifted up and away. Rainbow smoke drifted up with it, leaving three people standing around an empty chair.

“Hey, Moppet,” he said wearily. “I’m sorry I’m not there to give you this in person, but the grim reaper has recruited me to fight a giant space bird. Like the spaceship in Battle of the Planets, kind of, but I’m going to turn it into a person. It’s going to get real cranky when it figures out why.” The projection of Jason let out an evil chuckle that turned into a tired wheeze. “I know I’m not looking my best right now, but I promise you I’m fine. It’s just been a rough few months, and this body is…” Jason shook his head. “All you need to know is that I’m becoming immortal. Proper immortal, so literally nothing can take me out. The bad news is that this means I won’t be coming back to see you as soon as I’d like. The good news is that I’m definitely coming back. No power in the universe can stop me, and I’ve basically checked at this point. Before that, though, I have to go through a whole transformation sequence. Not a magical girl one, although I can’t rule out inappropriate nudity. I’m going to be kind of a god for that angel-type folk you’ve probably seen by now.” He groaned and rubbed his temples. “I don’t have a lot of time right now. But since we won’t be seeing each other for a while, I’d like to spend some of it telling you all the crazy stuff that’s happened since I last saw you. So, settle in and let me tell you what I did on my holidays.”

“Vast, Myriad and Harmonic,” Emi said. “It produces the Unity confluence.” Rufus nodded.

“Yes, but he’d prefer it be fairer once he thought about it. Sometimes he can be slow on the uptake.” “Sometimes?” Rufus muttered under his breath, earning a grin from Emi.

Dennis the security guard was visibly uneasy as he escorted Rufus; he knew who he was. Rufus had taken on the role of not just teaching Emi but instituting a top-to-bottom revision of the Asano clan’s essence-user training. Farrah and Jason had done a decent enough job during their time on Earth, but they were ultimately amateurs. Rufus’ family ran a school. “I’m sorry about this, Mr Remore,” Dennis said. “I’m well aware that if you wanted to get in here, there’s nothing I could do to stop you.” “Don’t apologise for being diligent in your work,” Rufus assured him. “For all you know, I could be a shape-changer.” “Are you?” he asked nervously and Rufus just laughed.

“No. His soul changed by itself; that’s what reincarnation is. It was not altered by an external force. Not even the Reaper can do that. Change is a natural part of the reincarnation process. Your friend changed himself. I said this boy was your friend’s legacy and I meant it literally. Your friend prepared his soul to gift a new life to the cosmos.”

“I want far more from you than that. Or, perhaps, less. You will teach these children as they grow. Even if you leave this world before they’re of an age for you to do so directly, what you leave behind will guide a generation. You can be a mentor to this boy, if that’s how it plays out, but if you cross the line, there will be repercussions.” “What line?” “There is a reason I have been so emphatic that this boy is not your friend. That they share a name will be an unfortunate and constant reminder, making it harder to stay objective. The line is that you must always treat the boy as who he is, not who he was. And if I ever catch you trying to turn him into your lost friend, then no one can save you from me. I am the first guide of the dead in the cosmos. If you make it necessary, I will start guiding you earlier than expected.” “Then why tell me at all? Why not just leave me ignorant?” “Because you would start to suspect, over time. An expression you recognise. A look in his eyes. His aura will not be the same, but the root is the same soul. It’s close enough to recognise.” “And the damage I could do in my ignorance would be worse than if I know what’s happening.”

“It sounds like you speak from experience.” “I was not always as I am now. Once, I was just a man. A man convinced that he found the soul of a lost love in the body of another.” “Were you right?” “I was. And the damage I did ruined us both. That was how I first came into the Reaper’s service. To make amends.”

“Because for all that he is a new person, the man he was is still inside him. And he was an exceptional man indeed.” “Yes, he was.” “That legacy I talked about? This is where it plays out. That’s what the Reaper is gifting this planet. They say, on this world, that all people are born equal. Even if you disregard reincarnation, that’s laughable. This boy has a hero’s soul and what I imagine will be a highly motivated mentor. He’s born for greatness, in a place where greatness will be sorely needed.” “And if he doesn’t live up to that greatness?” “Then guide him to happiness. I suggest that be the priority, in fact, and fit in greatness if you can. A life doesn’t have to be exceptional to be worthwhile.”

“But isn’t the whole point of sending him here is for him to be great?” “Well, sure, but no one asked you about it, so who said you have to follow the plan? The great astral beings are the ones who set in motion the events that sent this world off-kilter. They’re helping things along on Earth out of a sense of responsibility. That’s what great astral beings are, in the end. Responsibility on a cosmic scale. They tried to change that and messed it up to the point of relying on Jason Asano to fix it. That’s bad. This world, and to a lesser extent, yours, have gone wrong because of what they did. That cosmic consequence is what they care about, not the people. To them, the people are just a means to an end.” “But you care.” “Yes. That’s literally my job, in fact. I’m still mortal enough to care about something as tiny as a person. Did you know that’s why the World-Phoenix sent Dawn here? Her perspective was getting too cosmic to be of use to the World-Phoenix and she needed someone to ground her in mortality. I think it underestimated just how grounded Jason Asano is, and Dawn’s replacement had to be called up early anyway. That man is a disruptive presence.”

“He is that,” Rufus agreed with a chuckle. “Look, Mr Remore. I’ve worked for a great astral being for longer than most who end up in my position. Something I’ve learned in that time is that as long as I fulfil the Reaper’s directives to its satisfaction, I get to manage the details however I like. And the Reaper does not care about the living. Happy or sad; great or insignificant. It doesn’t care what they are and it doesn’t care what they do. Not until someone like your friend Jason starts resurrecting over and over, anyway.” “So, the great astral beings won’t intervene if I end up guiding these people to just live fulfilling lives? No path to greatness?” “I can’t speak for the others sent here like me, but I can tell you what I was told to do. I was sent here to accelerate the development of non-human medical knowledge and make sure a few reincarnations went smoothly. That’s as far as my orders go.” He gestured to the window and the newborns on the other side. “If you want to turn these kids in...

Nik’s essence combination was actually one from Earth, using an essence brought back by Jason. Jason had left the bulk of his essence stores with his family, but had brought a few with him. This included the technology essence, knowing it would fascinate Clive. Nik had used that essence, along with the myriad and vast essences to create the network confluence. He had no idea that he had chosen such a similar combination to an adoptive cousin he had never met.

“Is that why Cassie isn’t here with us?” Nik asked. “Was she meant to eat some of these sandwiches?” “Stop talking about sandwiches.” “Well, maybe you should start eating them.” “I’m self-conscious about it now.” “Then tell me what’s going on with Cassandra.” Neil shoved half a sandwich in his mouth. “Very mature, Uncle Neil. Is something going on with Cassandra?”

“Should I even be talking to you about this? Aren’t you less than three years old?” “Uncle Neil, I was born with the memory of Wild Orchid II: Two Shades of Blue. I can handle you and your girlfriend and your feelings. But yes, keep any bedroom stuff to yourself, please and thank you.” “Gods, you really are his kid, aren’t you?” An adorably happy smile lit up Nik’s leporine face. “Really?” “Yes. You’re happy about that?” “No,” Nik said, forcing a scowl onto his face.

“I owe this guy one,” Sophie said. She kicked Pochard hard in the stomach. “And that’s for sleeping with Clive’s wife,” she added. “Wha…?” Pochard asked as Clive rolled his eyes. “Really?” Clive asked. Sophie flashed him a grin and then was past him in a blur of movement. Clive shook his head and followed.

sometimes you just need to blow stuff up.

“Huh. So, I’m starting to get it right?” “‘Starting’ being the operative word.” “You don’t have to be a dick about it.” “I have to do something with my time here.” Jason peered at the Reaper with narrowed his eyes. “Was that… a joke? That was a joke, wasn’t it?” Jason turned and waved his arms, dripping cheese and mustard from his pretzels as he shouted to the scattered great astral beings. “Hey everyone! The Reaper just made a joke!” “Really?” the Celestial Book mumbled through a mouthful of pretzel. “Was it any good?” Jason stopped to think about it. “You know, for a first attempt, it wasn’t bad. Very deadpan, but what do you expect?”

“It’s done now,” she said again. “Which means I can finally do this.” She grabbed Belinda and pulled her in for a lingering, passionate kiss. When they finally separated, Belinda started laughing. “Oh, you found that funny, did you?” Estella asked. “No, it’s just… I was told to tell you you’re a lucky man.”

“Resonant. She got the resonant confluence.”

“How did this man convince you to marry him?” Rufus asked. “I honestly don’t remember.” “It was a sexy nurse outfit,” Ian said. “He got you to wear a sexy nurse outfit?” Rufus asked Erika. “Oh, I wasn’t the one wearing it,” Erika said. “I think we just hit the part of the conversation I do not want to be involved in,” Rufus said and set out again for the towering pagoda.

The World Phoenix glared at Jason and conjured a whip of dancing fire into her hand. “I’m not going to enjoy this, am I?” Jason asked. “No.” “Just so you know, I’ve changed my safe word. The new one is ‘coquettish.’”

“That is your approach?” the Japanese ambassador asked. “Gunboat diplomacy? You have the power, so participate or suffer?” “You say that as if it isn’t the way this world has always worked.” Rufus said. “Decency is the luxury of those with the power to afford it.

The World-Phoenix and the Reaper had been walking down an empty road for two years. No fights, no obstacles. No objective to fight over. The pair walked in silence along the unchanging and seemingly endless road. Two years almost without pause, except for one moment where the World-Phoenix stopped. “What is it?” the Reaper asked, also stopping. “I miss food.” “That is because of your vessel.” “Knowing the reason does not obviate the circumstance.” “Agreed.” They continued on.

“After talking this through with Shade,” the avatar said, “I have made my final decision.” The group collectively turned a worried look on Shade, then back to the avatar. “Well, let’s hear it, then,” Melody said. “My name,” the avatar said, “is Arbour.” “I like it,” Gabriel said. “I would have liked Tim as well, but that’s good.” “Arbour,” Arabelle said. “That’s a word from Jason’s world, isn’t it?” “Yes,” Arbour said. “In his language, it refers to natural growth over an artificial framework to create a sheltering space. It is also derived from an older language where it means tree.” Melody got up and wrapped the wooden avatar in a hug. “We’ve both been messed with pretty badly by people, haven’t we?” she whispered. The avatar hesitantly moved his arms to return the embrace.

The other was a fortress in the shape of Jason’s head, floating on a cloud.

“Arbour,” Jason said. “I like the name choice. You weren’t worried it was a little on the nose?” “I was, but Shade said it was fine.” Jason looked over at his shadow familiar. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Shade asked. “It’s kind of like Jason deciding to name himself ‘Smug,’” Colin said. “Ah, I see your point,” Shade said. “You see his point?” “Even so, I believe the name works,” Shade said. “It does,” Jason agreed. “It’s a good name, Arbour. Will you be joining us?” “I am a part of this now,” Arbour said. “Forever.” “Yes,” Jason said with a huge smile. “Yes, you are.” Colin slapped Jason on the back and started walking along the glowing path. “Come on, Smug. Let’s get a move on.” “My name isn’t Smug!” Jason called after him as the others followed, leaving Jason behind. “Smarmy?” Colin called back. “That’s worse!” Jason and set off after them. “I liked you better when you just made gloop noises and ate people.”

“I like it,” Jason said. “There’s an appropriate otherworldliness, rather than those regular ruined castles you always see.” “Mr Asano, when exactly do you see so many ruined castles?” “All the time. You’re not always watching.” “Yes, Mr Asano. I am.” “Not going lie, Shade; that creeped me out a little.”

Don’t Panic. Everything is going to be fine. Welcome to the System.