He Who Fights with Monsters 11 (He Who Fights with Monsters, #11)

by Shirtaloon

“WHY ARE YOU A GIANT CHICKEN?” Neil’s voice rose over the sounds of battle. “I’m a cockatrice!” Stash yelled proudly. “Look, I turned that guy to stone.” “That guy was already stone!” Neil yelled back. “He’s a stone elemental messenger. YOU’RE A GOD-DAMNED CHICKEN!” “Humphrey, Neil’s being mean to me!” “Both of you shut up,” Humphrey told them. Stash flapped forward, past Humphrey’s dragon bone condors. “What are you doing?” Neil yelled, gripping huge feathers to keep his balance. “You better not drop me in the middle of the enemy!” Stash let out a rooster crow that sent shock waves blasting through the elemental messengers. Metal bodies warped and stone bodies cracked while other types bled from their eyes and ears, many dropping to the ground. Stash then curved his flight back behind the lines. “See?” Stash said. “Not a chicken.” “You just yelled out ‘COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!’” “And now you did too,” Stash said. “At least I’m a chicken. You’re the guy who yelled ‘cock-a-doodle-doo’ in the middle of a battle.” “I told you two to shut up,” Humphrey scolded. “And, Neil, stop using chicken noises as a battle cry. You’re making us look bad.” The giant chicken somehow managed to look extremely smug as Neil glared down at it. “Oh, you little bast⁠—”