Beg, Borrow, or Steal (When in Rome, #3)

by Sarah Adams

As all good and unbearable perfectionists know, if you want something done right, you mostly have to do it yourself.

Everything was changing, no one needed me, and I needed…to just be okay.

Because this is what I’ve gotten great at these days. Pretending I’m okay with everything.

I’ll admit, when I first met Emily after running into her on our way to class, I thought she was gorgeous.

Usually, I’m unbearably annoyed by her. But today, it’s oddly comforting to be sharing a table with her again.

What a very specific and random attack. I like it.

I don’t trust whatever is going on in that head of hers but I’m excited for it all the same.

Sometimes it’s so hard not to fully smile around her. Not to bust out laughing if I’m being perfectly honest.

I have more respect for Emily than I’ve ever had for any other person.

“Nope. What’s the truth?” I bite my smile. “You’re a relentless pain in the ass.”

And when she found me watching, she told me to find someone someday who will hug me when I’m sad and then help me look on the bright side of things when all I can see is the dark.

I should have instinctively known it was him. Effortlessly sexy has always been his thing.

His smile is so warm right now I could roast a marshmallow in front of it.

But the smile she gave me in the truck surfaces in my mind again, and suddenly, chasing this old feud doesn’t seem nearly as appealing as chasing that smile.

“Emily, you are the difference. I’m realizing that.”

When I’m not moving, when I’m not busy, when I’m not needed, it’s so, so lonely.

!!!!!

I would rather be waterboarded than have someone ask me if I’m okay.

“I’ll be so careful with you, Emily,”

His gaze skips down me like rocks across a pond. Each stop is punctuated with special attention. A devouring, hungry look on his face that has want flooding my body and chills pricking my skin. His eyes are invisible hands—I feel them everywhere they linger.

I’d rather bury my own feelings than be the cause of so much pain again.”

“You can intrude on me anytime you want.”

Keep smiling, Emily. He doesn’t need me. Keep smiling. No one needs me anymore. Don’t cry.

“I’m the oldest daughter, I’m not scared of anything.”

!!!!!

“Someone has to hold it together. Someone had to lift the blanket on her bed and let her sisters climb in when the thunder would shake the house. Someone had to assure them that her bed was the safest place in the world.”

“And what did you need?” he asks. How have I never asked myself that question? No one else has either.

“Now…I need to be okay with being alone. Because everyone moves on eventually. But not me…I’ll always be right here where they left me.”

“You are not alone, Emily. I would walk through my worst memories to get to you every single time.”

“I hate to cry.” Just saying the word seems to have the same effect as mentioning a yawn. I’m sobbing again. “I don’t know how to stop once I get going.”

“You make me feel wild, Emily. I’ve never cared about anyone like I care for you.

“If you’ll let me, I’ll figure out the right balance of taking care of you and pissing you off when you want me to.” His smile is promise. “I’m a quick learner.

I care for you always. I want you, always. The good, the bad, and the in-between. I. Want. You. Sharp edges, hot tempered, fiercely protective, gooey heart…all of it. All of you.

I should have asked more questions back then instead of assuming you were okay because you said you were.”

I want to hug each other when we’re sad and help each other find the bright side of things when all we can see is the dark.”

“You think you’re unlovable, but I think I’ve never known how to love until knowing you.”

“And to think you consider yourself hard to love.” I kiss her temple. “Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”

Just deciding I’ll do whatever is necessary to make sure I get to spend the rest of my life with this woman.

I hope that if you found yourself relating to Emily and the sadness she tried to keep hidden, you’re encouraged to let someone come sit with you in the darkness.