Beg, Borrow, or Steal (When in Rome, #3)

by Sarah Adams

As all good and unbearable perfectionists know, if you want something done right, you mostly have to do it yourself.

“And getting to do it on a sunny day at the farm, surrounded by flowers instead of asking twenty second-graders if they heard what I said for the tenth time in an hour? That pretty much makes it a vacation.”

And when she found me watching, she told me to find someone someday who will hug me when I’m sad and then help me look on the bright side of things when all I can see is the dark.

Grief grows fresh claws in my heart, and the pain of losing them is new all over again.

“I’m listening, Emily. What do you need?” “I need you to fix it.” “Name it. I’ll do it for you.”

“Whatever it is, you’re going to be okay. I promise. I’ll make sure of it.”

“I care.”

“Emily, you are the difference. I’m realizing that.”

“And you’re drunk. If Sober Emily wants to wear this in front of me, great. But she’s not in the room right now, so I’m looking out for her.”

I’m crying again, unable to find the surface of my emotions and taking on water. Jack sees me and stands, cups my face to wipe my tears from my cheeks, and then pulls me in tightly to his chest. “Say it out loud, Emily. Let me inside that brain of yours.”

“People may like me, but they don’t know me. I don’t think anyone has ever known me quite like you have. And that’s part of why I wanted to move back to Rome. Because of you. Because through our strange, twisted relationship, you’ve made me feel less alone. I wanted to be part of this town because I know that for you to love it, it has to be pretty spectacular. And I swear to you, I would never try to steal their love away from you. Couldn’t even if I wanted to. They love you more than you know. Believe me, I’ve seen firsthand how much this town worships you and your spikes.”

Jack holding me. His body is warm like sheets fresh out of the dryer.

“Stop putting words in my mouth, I would never think that about you,”

the fact is, it takes so much emotional energy to be a teacher.

I wear pretty lingerie for me. Not men.” I huff a laugh. “It’s wasted on men, in fact. They take two seconds at best to say…Sexy, and then that’s it. It’s on the floor.

“Jack…” He stops and turns his head back to me. “Why did you have a spare helmet?” All I can see is my own refection in his visor. He waits so long to respond that I know he’s looking for a lie but can’t find one. “I hoped you would ride with me some day and I wanted to be prepared.”

“I’ll be so careful with you, Emily,”

PS. You could never be a side character.

Don’t smile at my Emily like that.

I’m so relieved I can’t even bring myself to deny the “you’ll be happy to know” part. Because I don’t know what Emily is to me, but I know that the idea of her with him makes me want to die.

“I’m telling you this because I haven’t stepped foot in a bar since that day. I’ve tried to go with friends before and failed because I could never fully face that memory. Didn’t want to. But knowing you were inside tonight and needed me, it got me through the doors.” He pauses. “You are not alone, Emily. I would walk through my worst memories to get to you every single time.”

“I never take guys back to my house or my bed.” I cradle her face and run my thumb below her lip. “I don’t want to be one of the guys. I want to be yours.”

“Good. Life can be a little shit sometimes. But shit also makes great fertilizer.” She pats the back of my hand that’s holding hers. “Grow from your experiences, don’t let them smother the light out of you.”

It feels as if my mom and dad are reaching through time and hugging me when I need them most. Reassuring me that even in unfavorable circumstances, even when it feels like all odds are against me, with hope and care, good things find a way to thrive.

“You think you’re unlovable, but I think I’ve never known how to love until knowing you.”

“And to think you consider yourself hard to love.” I kiss her temple. “Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”