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Grief grows fresh claws in my heart, and the pain of losing them is new all over again.
But I also want her to come home. I need her to come home—but she doesn’t need me. No one needs me. And when they don’t need me, they don’t come around anymore either because I am a utility sponge. I am useful. And if I’m no use to someone anymore, they throw me under the sink.
I don’t want to be consumed with loneliness. I don’t want that to be my secret defining characteristic. I want to look forward to something. I want to chase my dreams. I wrote a book! I wrote a book that I love and enjoyed every second of creating. I found a balm for my soul, and I want to keep pursuing it.
If my siblings are going after their dreams, I can too.

