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To everyone afraid to leave an old version of themselves behind: Do it. Reinvent yourself. You might discover you are more vast and complex than you ever imagined.
“You can hate me. You can wish me dead. But you will never threaten to hurt yourself again. If you do anything to put yourself in harm’s way, I swear to God, Blake, I will build a cage and lock you in it.”
What is this? The mob version of The Devil Wears Prada? Alessio Ferraro is a fucking diva. The coffee shop he sends me to is on the other side of town.
Alessio pops the apple core into his mouth. What is he, a fucking horse? “Go ahead. You can take breaks, you know? Wouldn’t want your wife to yell at me again about the working conditions.”
I shouldn’t like this. It shouldn’t feel like coming home. And yet it does.
“I was prepared to love the world, but no one understood me, so I learned to hate.”
“When are you going to understand that other women don’t exist for me anymore? There’s only you. There will only ever be you.”
“You’re it for me. You are my first love. And you are my last.”
But seeing you fighting for your life made me realize I love you more than my own selfish desire to keep you with me. If what you want is a life far away from the darkness that comes with me, I won’t stand in your way.”
Don’t go. Please don’t go. Choose me. I know I’m not perfect, but I will spend the rest of my days loving you better than anyone else ever can. I’ll make all of the darkness that comes with me worth it. I promise.
But what I realized is that it’s not about shutting out the darkness completely. It’s about finding a way to shine your light, even when the darkness is all around you.”
“His love is intense, possessive, all-consuming. He doesn’t hold anything back. And that can be overwhelming sometimes, but most of the time…” “It just takes your breath away in the best kind of way?” “Exactly.”
“Alessio Ferraro is here for you, sir.” “Tell him to fuck right off,” I growl. “Sir, please! I’m afraid I can’t say that.” “Why not?” “He’s not taking no for an answer.” “What’s the point of having security here? Where are they?” “They're here. Cowering.”
Why did you let her go?” I extract my elbow from his grip. “Because it was the right thing to do. There’s nothing more lethal than a woman who makes you want to do the right thing, is there?”
“You pushed her away prematurely in case she chose to leave. You probably thought it’d make your pain easier to handle—which is bullshit, by the way. Ask me how I fucking know.” He scoffs. “When she needed you the most, you shut down and made her feel like she was alone in this world. Blake didn’t need you to give her an out from this life. She needed you to be with her in it. To face it together.”
We’re men who do bad things, but we also know how to be good to each other. Light and dark. Yin and yang.
