This was one of the most difficult things about leaving Islam— making decisions, relying on my inner thoughts and voice that had been regularly stifled in the past. Now I had to conjure them up again and figure out how to hear and trust myself. I was not taught to think. Thinking was discouraged and, in fact, punished. I was taught to do as I was told. Every single aspect of life was prescribed for me. No decision was mine to make: how to use the bathroom, how to drink water, how to cut my nails, how to put on my shoes—and everything in between— was specifically outlined. I was nothing more
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