Psycho Academy (Cruel Shifterverse, #4)

by Jasmine Mas

“Hell is empty and all the devils are here.” —Shakespeare, The Tempest

First rule of game theory: you don’t give away information. Only rule of game theory: you don’t give away information.

I’d miscalculated because game theory assumed all actors were rational. Lothaire slammed his fangs into my neck. The fucker bit me.

Lothaire stumbled away from me, wiping blood off his mouth, and his voice was raspy with surprise. “Who are you? What are you? Why are you so powerful?” Shit. I’m a few wrong moves from him figuring out I’m not even Aran, that I’m Arabella.

At Elite Academy we find the strong, Those full of power and cruel desire, And on the bark we spill their blood, To reveal the few with souls on fire. —The Sacred Tree

Sadie was my rock. I fucking missed her. All alone. Three. Two. One. I was fine. I was normal. I was competent. The lies scraped across my mind like claws digging into my psyche, and each one pushed me a step closer to madness. You’re being dramatic.

Corvus was the terrifying leader, all harsh lines and edges, with a buzz cut, silver eyes, dagger tattoo, and flames. Corvus was hardened. Scorpius was cold and mocking, handsome with refined features; short, perfectly slicked-back black hair; pale skin; unseeing white eyes; and a lifelike eye tattoo on his neck. Scorpius was cruel. Orion was quiet. Stunning with soft, feminine features, white-blond hair, golden skin, chocolate-brown eyes, and roses tattooed across his neck. Orion was refined.

I gnawed on my lower lip and fought a smile as I ignored his blathering about me being privileged. Sun god help me; he thinks I’m pretty.

Shame burned hot through my chest, but the oppressive heat kindled into rage and reminded me just who the fuck I was. My monster screamed. I’d faced down pompous elite fae men who made small talk at palace balls about the price of my virginity, joked about the tightness of my cunt, and asked Mother what methods she used to control me. Their vitriol meant nothing to me. They had no idea the war crimes I’d committed against my own mother; they had no idea my capacity for violence. I straightened my shoulders and refused to cow. Someday they’d see. For sun god’s sake, I had a literal monster inside me, and I didn’t even know what species I was.

Just another pampered motherfucker with a dick.

The three fae weren’t the only ones radiating hostility. Waves of vitriol were directed my way. Fine with me. The last thing I wanted to do was train to be an assassin. Truthfully, I didn’t want to be anything anymore. Aspired to nothing. I just wanted to sleep until I felt okay. That was the funny thing about trauma: it didn’t need time to strip you of your personality and plunge you into darkness. It worked quickly. Mercilessly.

Scorpius sneered something about “pampered,” and Corvus swore, “—disgustingly fucking pretty, it’s embarrassing.” Why are they so obsessed with me?

Sadie would have loved the drama, and throat punched someone already. Fuck. I’d take a throat punch for five more seconds with her. My therapist warned me that I was too dependent on Sadie’s friendship. She’d said it wasn’t healthy to sleep in my best friend’s bed each night and strangle her with my love, because she wouldn’t always be there to chase away the nightmares. Well, look at me now. I was all alone.

I took my time standing because I’d never been one to kowtow to authority figures, aka I had mommy issues. But it was more fun to just pretend I had a rebellious spirit.

“You’re gonna be dead in an hour,” he said casually, like he was trying to make small talk. I took a drag of my pipe. “One could hope.”

“My name’s Vegar. I’m a demon.”

Maybe I need to start stabbing myself to control my monster?

He was another demon, and he was glaring at me like he wanted me dead. Get in line.

In stormy seas and a lightning hall, I break their limbs and make them crawl, For only the shattered can face the gray, Stare straight at evil and bow to pray. —Lothaire

“It’s fine, Zenith.” Vegar slapped the other demon on the back (that must have been his thing), then dragged him forward and kissed his lips. “Aran already knows he’s going to die.”

Did the veins expand because he was horny or because he was angry?

“You’re a human?” John nodded. “And what are you? A Smurf?” He gestured to my bright-blue hair.

I preferred my friends with dry sarcasm and inappropriate humor, not whatever the fuck positive energy was radiating off John. No one interacted with humans for a reason. They were soulless.

YESS

They were the worst type of people in all the realms—men who knew they were hot.

“No, I’m not. All I can tell you is that I’ve heard its somehow personal to Lothaire, and rumor is there are gods involved.” My jaw dropped. “Gods?” What have I gotten myself into?

“They all died within the first week, so they didn’t really count as new guys. You know.” No. I didn’t know. I stopped walking, lips frozen in an O. How was that supposed to make me not worry?

“Grow up. Is this how a queen acts? I’d kill you just to shut you up, and I wouldn’t even take your throne,” Jinx’s twelve-year-old voice whispered in my mind.

Something told me if I answered yes, despite how hard it was to kill me, I wouldn’t live to see tomorrow. “No.” “Then why the fuck aren’t you showing me respect?” Lothaire bellowed with such force the barracks shook. I bowed my head and tucked it low while mimicking the position of the other men. “Sorry, sir!” I shouted back like they had.

“You will be, soldier. Mark my words: you will be,” Lothaire said, then he turned and stalked out of the barracks.

I’ll show him just how pretty and privileged I can be when I eat his eyeballs from his head with a silver spoon. I growled with disgust.

At my sound of defiance, big-foot Corvus became absolutely feral. His sharp cheekbones cast harsh shadows across his face, jaw pulled tight with rage, as he stalked toward me. Seven and a half feet of pure muscle cornered me against the wall, and he looked down his nose at me like an arrogant king at a pauper.

“The whole principle of the assassin division is to put powerful people in awful situations until they break down to their lowest form. I thought it was stupid at first, but it actually works. If you survive, you’ll learn to harness your abilities like you’ve never thought possible. You’ll be unstoppable. It’s worth it, trust me.”

It was obvious: I, Arabella Alis Egan, rightful ruler of the seat of death and wanted monarch of the fae realm, was absolutely fucked.

In ten hours, I’d learned everything I’d thought I knew about the human species was clearly a lie. How had I ever thought humans were weak?

Now, ten hours later, I couldn’t feel my limbs, and my thoughts were scattered. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. Did we just get into the ocean? Or have I been here for hours? Everything was a jumble of pain, pebbles, blood, water, choking, and ramming against unmercifully jagged rocks. I trembled uncontrollably. We were both standing in the same ocean, but John’s skin burned hot compared to my icy skin. If I had any ability to do anything other than suffer, I might have deduced it was because I was so much smaller than the rest of the men. Half my width was a mirage created by my enchanted disguise. They had hundreds of pounds of muscle on me. More than they even knew. And the ocean was merciless.

“You will never be strong enough. You will never have enough control. You will never master yourself unless you know true suffering.”

“You will never be anything more than a slave to your impulses, if you don’t know how to withstand the pain.”

Please, sun god. Please end my misery.

“You will never amount to anything if you don’t learn how to survive on nothing but sheer willpower!”

“This is the only ocean in all the realms that is known to weaken everyone. In other words, the toxic compound nullifies powers.”

“In the Black Ocean, you are as weak as you will ever be!”

Only those who have known what it is to be nothing can ever rise to be something!” Shut the fuck up and let us out! I screamed at him in my mind. The world spun around me.

It’s all just made-up measurements anyway. Does anything really exist? How can I be alive in this moment and now the next? The past is gone like it didn’t exist. Was I ever even in the water? I’d reached a new level of suffering; I was having an existential crisis. If nothing exists, then nothing matters, but if everything exists, then must everything matter? Bloody hands and knees moved forward. One after the other. So many realms in the universe. So many planets and galaxies. But where is the universe located? How can so much just exist in the vacuum of space? Space cannot be nothing if there is so much life within it. But where does it come from? Where are we? What are we? How could life be a good thing if there is so much suffering?

You will never know the secrets of the universe. You will always be a puppet in a shadowland of pain.

I am the new fae queen, said the killer octopus to the elite fae.

As we took painful step after painful step, in my head, I chanted, Arabella Egan. Princess. Queen. Rightful ruler of the seat of death. Woman. I refused to forget who I really was. We made it up the steps to the fortress. Together. Neither of us would have made it without the other.

It was a fact of life that some people were blessed and not stressed. I hoped all those people got gonorrhea.

I flinched as I said it. I was starting to channel toxic masculinity a little too accurately. Oh my sun god? A horrible thought struck me. Was I becoming part of the patriarchy? Was I the problem?

I’d never really thought about what I wanted in a male partner, but now I realized I wanted them to be completely unhinged. Like, super messed up in the head. I wanted to look at them and think, I’m normal. They would bring me flowers and tell me I was being cute when I killed someone.

Orion mouthed, “I don’t believe you.” My stomach fluttered like he was flirting with me. I needed to be put down.