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So in that moment, Caspien was transformed. Or rather, how I perceived him changed so permanently that I saw him only for what I wanted him to be. Vulnerable and lost and in need of something only I could give him. Love. Unconditional. Only I could love Caspien how he deserved to be loved. And so I would. I’d love him in spite of everything he was and everything I knew he could be. No matter what he did, no matter how much he hurt me, in this I would be constant. As long as Caspien Deveraux breathed, I would love him.
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“And what if you ever need me? For something important?” he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Like the way I needed him now wasn’t. I wanted to scream: This is important. How I feel now, today is important. How much I want you still is the most important thing in the fucking world. How certain I am that I’ll break down and cry the moment you walk out that door is fucking important.
Jude’s heart was an awe-inspiring thing; its capacity for love and empathy and forgiveness despite what cruelty had been done to it was beyond my understanding.
