Until We Meet Again (Breaking the Rules #1)

by Lea Rose

Despite my hesitation, I find myself unable to ignore her demands, and while I enjoy being in control, she has the power to bring me to my fucking knees.

becomes a blur of Tessa-related feelings. It's growing into an unhealthy obsession. She's like a drug to me, one I'm getting addicted to faster than I ever imagined possible, but god, it's good, and the high I get from her is euphoric.

"I want you to fuck me." The words leave my lips with a confidence I didn't realize I had. "I wouldn't use the word fuck to describe what I'm about to do to you, sweetheart." His lips brush against mine as he murmurs, "Consume, adore, wreck, fucking destroy. Those are the things I'm going to do to you."

No one else has ever dominated both my body and mind like Tessa does. The need to touch her and feel the warmth of her skin against mine consumes me like a raging fire whenever I'm close to her.

Cuddling after sex has always been my nonnegotiable boundary. It's way too intimate, and I've always shied away from the raw vulnerability that comes with it, choosing to keep my emotions guarded and my heart shielded. But despite always hating it, I've now become a cuddler, a head masseuse, and a man who would rather cut off his cock than allow anybody else to touch it.

"It's because she wants to have sex with you." The moment I burst out laughing, she turns in my arms and sits up straight, fixing me with a death stare that I'm not prepared for. "You sound mad about that, sweetheart." "I'm not mad. But I don't want anyone thinking they can take what's mine." Fuck me, I need to hear her say that again.

"Imagine not being obsessed with the person you're fucking." "So, you're obsessed with me?" I narrow my eyes slightly, studying her smirk, trying to figure out whether she's teasing me or if there's something more she's asking. Either way, my answer is the same. "Completely." "Have you ever been obsessed with someone you're fucking before?" "Never."

I'm not used to this. Having a sleepover and waking up with someone still in my bed—it's not something I do. I like to date, I like to fuck, and I don't juggle multiple women, but I also never let things get too deep. I keep my distance. I keep control. But with Tessa, I can't seem to get close enough.

I want him to ache for me. Not just to want or desire me but to physically ache for me—the kind of craving that lives underneath his skin.

"You taste like my dirty little whore." He caresses my throat, and I let out a soft moan. "Now get inside so I can fuck you like one."

mouth. "You know I'm crazy about you, don't you?" Ignoring the flutters in my chest, I nod at him, and he decorates my throat with his hand while his lips brush over mine. "Remember that…" His fingers find my nipple, pinching just hard enough to make me gasp before he tugs my bottom lip between his teeth. "Because I'm about to fuck you like I hate you." There he is.

I'll never have a friend like her. I'll never have someone who understands me as well as she does. She's my soul sister, my twin flame, and if I never find my soulmate in the form of heart-stopping love, then I know I'll always have her.

"Why the hell are you putting everything you've worked for at risk for someone you don't have feelings for?" Because I'm addicted to the way I feel when I'm with her. Because she's my goddamn oxygen. Because when I'm with her, the darkness inside me goes quiet.

"I know you were upfront about what you could offer me from whatever this is with us, but I'm finding it too difficult not to allow my feelings for you to get any stronger." Just breathe. "And all I am is your dirty little secret, and yeah, it was exciting at first, but it's making me reckless because you make me feel out of control of my emotions." "You are not my dirty little secret, Tessa. Never label yourself like that to me again because that is so far from the truth." "Then what am I?" My words come out shakier than I'd like, and my stomach is about to fall out of my ass. I'm terrified about what he'll say, and while I wait, silence falls between us, but the absence of a reply screams volumes, echoing louder than any words ever could. "You'd be better off with someone like Professor Liu. You're more suited and can be open with someone like her. You wouldn't have to hide her away." "Don't do that," he says firmly. "You know she wants you, Zane."

to be this way, but I fucking hate it." "Do you think I don't?" I can hear him growing frustrated, but so am I. "Damn it, I want to walk down the street with you, holding your hand. I want to take you out, kiss you over the table, and tell you that I… tell you that you're the most beautiful woman I've ever known, both inside and out." I hear him take a nervous breath as he pauses. "I want you, Tessa, and I want what we have." Nothing more. His words reach my ears, and a lump forms in my throat, threatening to choke me. I feel the sting, but I swallow it down. "I think I just need to take a step back." "From me?" "From everything." "Fuck, Tessa… Okay, look, if you need space, I'll give it to you. I won't pressure you, but I need you to know that losing you isn't an option for me."

"I might be a mess right now, but I'm not stupid." "You're in love, Tessa, and love makes you do dumb shit." "Alright, let's stop saying the L word," I state, knowing that's exactly where my feelings lie. "I don't want to hear that word from you again unless you say it to Harry."

Admittedly, I'm jealous, and even though he's done nothing to make me feel insecure, I know it's because I can't truly have him. The situation we're in means I can't be his, and he can't be mine, and it fucking sucks.

I think a lot about how graduation is just a month away and that we'll be free to do whatever we want after that, but he won't ever give me what I want. I want his heart—all of it. I want his love, and I want him to feel about me the way I feel about him, but he never will. That's the horrible reality, whether he's my teacher or simply Zane.

Jealousy. Rage. Desperation. She was right there in front of me. Close enough to touch but far enough to destroy me.

"I feel like I'm losing you," he whispers, with a slight quiver in his voice. "Even after that?" "I'm talking about in here, sweetheart." Before planting a tender and lingering kiss on my forehead, he runs his hand through my hair, his thumb gently brushing against my temple. "Why have things changed between us?" Be brave, Tessa. "How I feel has changed. It's too much for me, Zane." "Do you think I feel any different?" he asks, his voice laced with frustration. "Tessa, you're all I can think about. I'm drowning in my feelings for you."

Is this what being in love with someone feels like? Like you could die unless you're touching them? It can't be love. Love only leads to pain.

"This? You mean us?" "It's hell, Zane." "It isn't hell if you like the way it burns, sweetheart." She exhales a shaky breath. "Do you like the way it burns?" "I like you." I'm an asshole. Because that's not enough, and I already know that. Because how could it possibly ever be enough for her? "Then I guess that's where we have a problem because I'm past that. I'm…" She stops, her voice trailing off like she's afraid to say it out loud. Like maybe if she doesn't say it, it won't be real. "You're what?" I shouldn't ask. I shouldn't need to hear it. "I don't know, Zane." "Finish what you were going to say." Tears shimmer in her eyes as she gazes at me. Then, with a quiver in her voice, she softly says six words that instantly change everything between us. "I'm falling in love with you." I knew those words were coming—Jesus, I practically pulled them from her heart with my bare hands.

This beautiful woman in front of me is everything my sister swore existed—a soulmate, a perfect match, a cosmic fuck-you to every wall I've ever built, and that scares the living shit out of me. How can there be one person on the planet who's meant to complete you? And what are the chances of finding that person? It sounds like a fairytale, and I don't live in that kind of world. Yet here I am, staring down at someone who has poured themselves so deeply inside me, silently begging for us to be vulnerable together. But my heart is a mess. It's scarred and fractured to the point where I don't have the strength to give love or accept it back—not when I know how easily it can be ripped away. "I need to get out of here."

"Woah, hey, wait. Don't do that. Don't run from me." My hands tremble as they grip the sides of her face. "I'm completely addicted to you, Tessa," I whisper as a sob catches in her throat. "I've never wanted another person like this. Half the time, I can't get my head straight because the only thing I can think about is you."

"I tell you I'm in love with you, and your response is that you can never really love me back, and you want to know if I'm good with that?" I'm an asshole. "I'm sorry."

Dear dumbass heart that did a shitty job of protecting us, why him? Why the man who would rather lose us than love us? I never thought I'd fall for Zane—not this hard, not like this—but he stole my gravity and inscribed his name on my heart before I realized it. I shouldn't have felt the way I did the first time I said those words to someone. I should've been terrified, but in the most incredible way, and yet I knew the moment they left my lips, it would be the end of us because I couldn't ever take those words back.

"Neither have I, and do you know what's sad? If I could turn it off and stop feeling this way about you, I would. I don't want to love you." "Why?" he whispers. "Because it hurts. Loving you fucking hurts."

chest. "I need you. I need to feel something. I need to know that you feel something." He exhales a curse, his forehead pressing against mine, his hands gripping my waist like I'm the only thing tethering him to this earth. "Feel something? You fucking consume me. I feel everything."

"You wanted me to feel something, Tessa. Well, this is it. This is what it looks like when I try to hold onto what's mine for as long as I can." Thrust. "Your screams, your orgasm, and this perfect little cunt all belong to me, and I'm not ready to lose them yet." Thrust. "So don't come, not yet. Stay with me right here, just for a little longer." Thrust.

"I almost had you, didn't I?" My voice trembles as the words I wish I'd kept locked inside leave me. He nods as he kisses my forehead. "That 'almost' will haunt me for the rest of my life, Tessa."

"How can you expect me to be happy without you, huh? You're my best friend." "Needy." It comes out on a cough, and I don't know whether to laugh or break down crying, but I see the slight crease on her lips, and I end up doing both as laughter and tears escape me at the same time. "I told you I'd send your soulmate, remember?" I nod at her, doing everything possible to bring her some peace. "You won't be alone." She's getting tired. I can hear her voice growing weaker, and I notice the way her eyelids are starting to droop. I'm not ready for her to go to sleep. I'm not prepared for this to be our last conversation. I'm not ready. "She'll be an angel." She barely gets the last word out, but I don't miss it.

I can't bring myself to tell her I love her or allow my heart to fall for her completely when the last person I said those three words to never woke up. I never got to hear her voice again or see her smile, and I carry that pain with me every single day. Tessa deserves better than me. She deserves more than a broken man. She deserves someone who can openly love her without needing to run from it every five seconds.

"Are you delusional? You have nothing. You and I are nothing." "How can you say that?" I don't want to hurt him, but I can't stop my lips from moving as this inferno that's tearing me apart from the inside out is unleashed on him. "Because if we were anything, you'd know better than to assume I'm the kind of girl who would fuck around while my heart is in pieces." He lets out a long breath and wearily rubs his eyes with his hands. "Jesus, you're right. I shouldn't have said that to you." Emotion starts to overwhelm me as he softens, and I blink to stop any angry tears from falling. "I get why you're being hostile. I understand you're protecting yourself from me, but I

"Tessa, you don't know what I've gone through." "Of course I don't. You never trusted me enough to tell me." As soon as the words leave my lips, I can see their impact on him. "The saddest part is that I believe you feel something, yet you let me go like I was nothing. You would rather lose me than love me, and that fucking hurts."

"God, Tessa, I never asked you to fall in love with me. I told you from the start that I couldn't be that guy." My throat tightens. I try to swallow away his words, but they refuse to go down. Let him go. He threw you away. "You're right. I should've stopped this before I got too deeply involved. That's on me." I nod, unable to look at him. My eyes remain down, fixating on my now-trembling hands, twisting the rings on my fingers as I try to hide what this is truly doing to me. "I should've stopped it before you ever made love to me because I can't be that girl, the one who fucks without feeling. Perhaps sharing my body with you did more for me than I ever thought it would, more than I ever wanted it to, and more than what it obviously did for you."

"Don't you fucking dare do that." My words hurt him—good, because I feel like I'm dying inside. "That day meant everything to me, Tessa. Fucking everything." "If I could take it back, I would."

"You don't mean that." I lift my chin, refusing to let my voice break. "I do, actually. I wish it hadn't been you." My heart starts to race as he gets closer to me. As soon as I said it, I realized I'd pushed him too far. "You wanna hurt me? Go ahead. I probably deserve it." With his hands on either side of my face, I'm pinned to the door, unable to move. "But don't ever say that to me again." We stare at each other for an eternity before he continues. "What you gave me—your body, your innocence—will never leave me." He backs away slowly, his demeanor softening with each long second that passes. "I don't have enough energy for this, Zane. I can't move on if I have to keep seeing you. Can you understand that?" "I get it. I'm sorry."

I'm trying—and failing—not to think about Zane. Every day, I try not to think of him. But

I hoped he would change his mind and come back to me. I hoped he would realize he loved me back and take a leap of faith, but he didn't. He's not that guy, and I should've paid closer attention when he warned me about it from the start.

I gaze out into the crowd and see my parents smiling proudly, but the one face I wish was here isn't, and even though it's probably better this way, I can't help but miss him on one of the biggest days of my life.

"Tessa Angelina Walsh" Angel… of course it is. The sound of enthusiastic cheers and applause fills my ears when the dean calls out Tessa's name. My heart swells with pride as I watch her climb the stage, her long blonde hair cascading down her back beneath a blue cap, and the sight of her almost has me on my damn knees. This constant pain in my chest hasn't left since I carelessly allowed her to walk out of my life. But seeing her here and knowing she's so far out of my reach makes my heart ache in ways I never knew existed. I told her I wouldn't be here today, but deep down, I always knew I'd never miss it. All I wanted was for her to enjoy her day and to focus solely on herself and everything

that she's achieved, not on the pain that I've caused her.

I want to become a better man, one who can accept the love of the woman he's fallen for, but I won't be able to do that until I've healed my screwed-up and broken mind, which is why I need to speak to my sister. I can't offer Tessa love right now, but I want to because I feel it. It's there, buried deep inside my still-damaged heart. I won't ever be worthy of her unless I can offer her the world, and when that day comes, I'll fight for her. I'll fight every day for the rest of my life if that's what it takes because I refuse to let her be the one who got away.

As it turned out, it was the best decision I ever made. Because it led me to Tessa. She was everything I never knew I needed—bright, funny, unbelievably beautiful, and made just for me. She made me feel alive again, breathing life back into me when I was dying inside. I used to think we met by chance, but I'm more convinced than ever that nothing about us is a coincidence. It's fate, destiny, or whatever the hell you want to call it.

Even before we lost Kim, I never wanted to settle down. I was a guy who enjoyed his freedom, so marriage and kids were never in my plans. Kimberley resented me at times for it. She wanted me to find a girl to build a life with and have the perfect little family. I never gave her that, and she never saw it happen for me. But then I met Tessa. She tore down almost every wall I'd built and worked her way inside my heart and under my skin, and I didn't even try to stop her. But when she stood before me and declared her love for me, she bared her soul and opened her heart, and all I did was rip it out of her chest. I couldn't say what I felt for her, and the look on her face that night still haunts me.

"I found out yesterday that she has a middle name—Angelina. You really did send me an angel, huh? I see what you've done, but I didn't need the signs, Kim, because I know I'm in love with her. I think I've known for a while."

That's the first time I've said those words out loud. I thought they would terrify me, but I find myself smiling and needing to say them again. "God, I love her so much." Then what the hell are you doing here? Go and fight for your happiness. Live, Zane. You have to live. "Not yet. I'm not ready to leave you yet. There's so much to tell you, Kim. I want to tell you about Callum and Zoe, and I want to tell you about my job. I need to tell you everything about Tessa because I know you would've loved her." Hey, I sent her to you, so I already love her.

"After you left, nothing made sense anymore. I felt nothing. Until you sent me the girl who made me feel everything." As I gaze up at the sky, I feel a sudden shift in the air—a gentle breeze that carries a sense of calm. As if on cue, my mind clears, and all my thoughts fall into place, helping me to picture my future with complete clarity. "I'm done wasting time, Kim," I whisper. "I'm going to live for both of us now, and I swear I'll make you proud of me." Loving Tessa is the only thing that makes sense to me now. It's the only thing that makes me feel truly alive. For too long, I've been lost in a sea of confusion, denial, and pain, but she brought me back to the surface. "I'm sorry I've been such a dick." My voice cracks with emotion as well as laughter. "I'm going to hold onto her with everything I have."

The moment I figure out the words to say to Tessa and have a plan to win her heart back, I'll be on the first flight back to Chicago. I'll show her that I'm the right man for her and prove that my love for her is stronger than anything else.

I'm hers and will forever be hers.