From Air (Wildfire, #1)

by Jewel E. Ann

“I’m not drunk,” I murmur when he releases my lips. That’s not entirely true. My blood alcohol level is under the legal limit, but I’m intoxicated. Drunk from that kiss.

“You’re generous. Distractingly mesmerizing. Quirky in a brilliant way. And ineffably beautiful.”

“You kissed me, Fitz. Twice. Why did you kiss me?” “Because not kissing you became too exhausting.”

A man has never broken my heart. Homeschooling helped by reducing the size of my dating pool. Casual dating has helped too. So it doesn’t make sense that I know Calvin Fitzgerald is on his way to obliterating my heart. Yet, I do. I know it with absolute certainty.

“Calvin Fitzgerald.” “Jaymes Andrews.” I stuff my hands into my pockets but can’t hide my impish grin. She bites her lip, partially disguising her smile. “You are the most intense person I have ever known. But at the same time, you don’t have a serious bone in your body. That makes you an enigma. Most days, I can’t decide if you like me or can’t stand me.” Her lips turn into a pouty frown. I rest my hands next to hers on the edge of the counter. “I like you too much.”

“Death is the bane of my existence. Not you.” What? Fitz’s confession grips my heart and squeezes hard. Where the hell did that come from? “You’re an illusion.” He messes with my backpack strap, giving his gaze a new place to focus. “A distraction. I can’t stop looking at you. And I can’t stop navigating closer to you, even though I know you’re unreachable.” “Be—” I start to speak, but my thoughts trip over his words. I don’t understand. “Because we live together?” His lips bend into a sad smile when he returns his gaze to mine, and his knuckles brush my cheek. “Because death is the bane of my existence.”

“This is a little wrong,” I whisper with no conviction. He lifts his hips again, drunken gaze, parted lips. “Jaymes, you’re my favorite kind of wrong. And I want to watch you come again.”

Grief isn’t an anchor to the past; it’s a thief of the future.

“I want you to be mine,” I breathe over her lips while my fingers slide along her bare shoulder to the back of her neck and the bandage hidden beneath her hair. “Until you leave.” She draws in a shaky breath. “But I can’t be yours.” “Why?” She pinches her eyes shut. “Because I never want you to feel that kind of loss. And you can’t lose what you don’t have.”

Nevertheless, like all dreams, it is a mere moment in time. A moment that will come and go like the tide. Crashing at the surface one minute and getting lost at sea the next.

I still feel him inside me like a deep breath I’m holding in my lungs for as long as I can. When it starts to burn, when I begin to feel like holding on to him is suffocating me, then I’ll let him go.

“Can you let it go now? Can this be enough for you?” His words are strained. I feel his desperation on a visceral level. When his hold on me relaxes, I turn and face him while wiping my eyes. I nod slowly. He doesn’t have to say any more. But I do want more. “Enough?” My nod turns to a headshake. “I want your lips on mine.” Lifting onto my toes, I brush my lips against his. “I want your hands all over my body.” My fingertips ghost along his palms. “Under my skin,” I whisper, dragging my lips down his neck. “Between my legs.” I nip at his skin. “I want to feel you deep inside of me.” I tease his skin just under the hem of his shirt. “And even then, it will never be enough for me.”

“I will have a life, and it will be phenomenal. I will find him, and he will be mine. And to do that, I have to let you go.” My gaze climbs up his chest to his face—his oh-so-heartbreaking face. “But I’m okay with you never letting me go. I hope you think back to this moment when your life feels lonely. And if you only remember one thing, let it be this. On a random Wednesday, the world’s most fascinating woman stopped by your work and offered you sex. But you turned her down.”

A woman’s heart isn’t merely complicated; it’s the reason humanity still exists. We are the nurturers, the peacemakers. We know when silence is more profound than any spoken word. And we know that pain is not love’s enemy; it’s the existential foundation that keeps humanity rooted in this world. It’s the sole motivation to do better, get better, and be better.

None of it makes sense.” He blows out a long breath. “Yet here I am. Fumbling my words and wallowing around outside my comfort zone because I made you my person, and you don’t fit in my life, but my life no longer fits me without you.”

There’s something gratifying about being the person who gives someone else strength. However, I’m thoroughly addicted to being Calvin Fitzgerald’s greatest weakness.

“Calvin Fitzgerald?” I yell, wiping my tears before they escape. He stops, but he doesn’t turn. “If you were normal and didn’t have an awful past, do you think you could love me?” My fierce heart always trumps my controlled thoughts. I’m not sure he heard me. But then he continues toward the exit. “Jaymes, if I were normal, I’d love you enough. The problem is, I’m not normal, so I’d love you too much.”

“Don’t love me like a martyr,” she whispers thickly, strangled with emotion. “Love me like a hero. Jump without looking back.” Her eyes pinch shut, releasing more tears while she inhales shakily. “Fight for me. Save us.”

Jaymes isn’t the girl of my dreams. I never allowed myself that luxury. She’s the girl who has taught me how to dream.

“I will love you like a hero. Jump without looking back. I will fight for you. I will save us.”