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I hide the fact that I actually spent last night alone and sad with only my laptop and a bottle of red for company. I pretend it doesn’t bother me that he spends so much time with people who can’t stand me—that he chooses them over me, every time.
“You need to stop looking at me like that, Elijah. We don’t do that anymore, remember? Not since you moved into your own bedroom.”
If I wanted someone else, this would be easy—but she’s the one. She has always been the one.
In the twenty-one years since we started dating, I have never once cheated on Amber. She knows that … Doesn’t she? Amber and I may not have made love for over six months, but I would never cheat.
We were in love once, this man and I. We shared everything, keeping no secrets from one another, our lives woven together like the threads of a tapestry. He was my soulmate, my best friend, my lover. Our passion lit up my heart and made me shine from the inside out.
“I am tired, Elijah, yes. I’m exhausted, and I know you must be too. Why do we keep doing this? Why do we keep dancing this dance? Why don’t we just … let go?” My nostrils flare and my hand drops to my side. “What do you mean?” Her sigh speaks of bone-deep weariness. “I mean I think I’m done, Elijah. I want a divorce.”
I want to drag her into my arms and kiss her so hard she can’t breathe. I want to tell her how much I love her, how much I want this marriage to work. How much I need her.
“Let’s leave,” I say. “Right fucking now if you like. Pack a bag and head off somewhere new. Somewhere nobody will find us. I’ll give up work and my family. I’ll give up anything, Amber. I love you, baby. I don’t want this to end.”
How long would it be before you resented me for taking you away from your world? No, it’s not realistic. I’d never ask that of you. I’d never ask you to change who you are just for a shot at saving a marriage we both know is already over.” She takes a deep breath and then says, in a voice so heartbreakingly tender, “But for what it’s worth, honey, I love you too.”
“The truth is, I learned to stop needing you a long time ago—I realized I couldn’t rely on you. But I never stopped hoping that you would choose me anyway.”
