The Anaconda Downstairs (The Cocky Kingmans, #4)

by Amy Award

There are three things that I love in life. Family. Football. And making a woman come...so hard they forget their own name.

and her assistant, who I would not admit to having any sort of crush on whatsoever—because she was totally off limits—could have my car.

I was Everett Kingman, the guy who could charm any woman with a wink and a smile. The last thing I needed was to get hung up on the one woman who was absolutely, unequivocally off-limits.

Everett, in particular, with his easy charm and killer smile, has starred in more than a few of those daydreams.

It would help if I had an Olympic-level dating coach to help me do this. And I knew exactly who to ask. The love guru himself. Everett Kingman.

Because there would be no denying those big brown eyes if they ever asked me for a goddamned thing. Like my heart.

I looked at her, this woman who had been occupying my thoughts for...okay, fine, I’d admit it, since the day I met her, who I had just convinced myself was completely off-limits, like a sister. This was the best thing that could happen, and I hated it.

And before I knew it, five Kingmans were escorting me the short distance to Declan’s house. A girl could get ideas with that many muscle-bound golden retrievers surrounding her. Phew.

If I had to be embarrassed in front of Everett Kingman the Love Guru for a hundred awkward dating lessons in a row to have even a chance at finding love and happiness, I would do it.

Nothing got by Jules Kingman.

The bell above the door chimed, and Penelope walked in. She was wearing a simple t-shirt and jeans, her hair loose around her shoulders, and for a moment, I forgot she wasn’t mine.

If that didn’t say “I’ve been fantasizing about what your hair would look like wrapped around my fist as I fuck you from behind”, nothing did.

Aw, shit. I didn’t know if I was more upset about the snake, or that Pen had just called me her friend. Her good friend. Nothing I was feeling about Penelope Quinn was good. It was all unbelievably bad. In all the best ways.

Somebody was hot for teacher.

“Look, it’s obvious to anyone with eyes that you two are totally into each other. Why don’t you just ask Everett to be your date for the Grampys?”

Everybody knows you Kingman boys play better when you’re in love. You got a new lady or fella in your life or something?”

I thought about how sweet of an impression Pen had made on Billy. She was always going above and beyond the people in her life. It was just another reason why I was falling for her. Fuck. No. I was not falling for Penelope. I. Was. Not. Falling. For. Pen.

If anyone was going to crush the patriarchy, it was Jules Kingman. And her father and brothers would be right there cheering her on.

Deep down, I knew that’s really why I was awkward around men. I was so good at pushing them away with my weirdo-ness. Because it was easier to blame that for why I didn’t date than because I was afraid that no one would love someone who looked like me. Being afraid was not who I wanted to be.

I sat there, stunned. Kelsey was right. I had been using these lessons as a shield, afraid to admit how I really felt about Everett. He was the only man I’d ever truly felt comfortable around. Even when he was a breath away from kissing me, I hadn’t freaked out like I did when I even talked to another guy. But what if it really was just lessons for him? I’d been rebuffed, jilted, and disdained by every guy I’d ever had even an inkling of feelings for. What made me think this time would be any different?

I took a deep breath, Kelsey’s words echoing in my mind. Body positivity isn’t about feeling confident every day. It’s about loving yourself enough to be your most authentic self, even when the world doesn’t like it.

I grabbed Pen’s hand, and the lightning struck and the thunder rolled right through me. I was in love with Penelope Quinn.

“You are beautiful, Pen. Inside and out. And I’ll spend every day reminding you of that if you’ll let me.”

It was surreal, chatting and laughing with the Kingmans, with Everett's family like I belonged here. Like this could be my future. This family could be mine. And that was just too weird to even think about. Best not to get my hopes up.

As everyone sprang into action, a strange calm settled over me. This was chaos, yes, but it was the kind of chaos I knew how to handle.

The word we hung in the air between us, loaded with meaning. Not the I, but the we. As in, the family. As in, you're one of us now.

The words felt inadequate, but they were all I had. I always thought I was good at helping people with their problems, but I think I was simply good at the fun parts. No one came to me for anything really serious. I was the go to guy for... dating lessons. And, suddenly, all I wanted was to see Penelope, to hold her close and remind myself of what really mattered. Family. Love. The precious, precarious present.

But this wasn't just about sex. I wanted her heart and her soul for my own too.

Everett's words sent all kinds of alarm bells off inside. For him, family meant support, unconditional love, a safety net. For me? Family was my father's disappointed sighs, my mother's absence, a lifetime of feeling like I was both too much and not enough.

And I was exhausted. And sad. And mad. I was smadsausted. All the way to my core and back.

As they bounced ideas back and forth, a whole new feeling washed through me. It was warm and calming. Gratitude. Here I was, facing what felt like the biggest crisis of my career, and I wasn't alone. It was a novel feeling, one that both comforted and terrified me.

I'd spent so long feeling like I had to face everything alone, and now, suddenly, I had not just Kelsey and Neith in my corner, but potentially an entire network of body-positive influencers and the infamous Kingman family too.

Declan countered. “What matters is what it means. Are you fucking Penelope?” I almost snapped back that what we were doing was so far beyond fucking, that it meant so much more to me than that. But I hesitated, caught between the urge to deny everything, admit everything, and the bone-deep weariness of keeping secrets from the most important people in my life.

But I met Declan's gaze, and I saw something beyond the gruff exterior. Concern. Genuine concern, not just for Penelope, but for me. And suddenly, I was tired. Tired of pretending, tired of hiding, tired of being the Everett everyone thought they knew.

“I love her, Dec,” I admitted quietly, the words carrying the weight of everything I'd been holding back. “I'm in love with her, and it scares the hell out of me.”

Declan rolled his eyes. “Mad? Nah. Fuck off with that shit. I've watched you fall in and out of love with every woman you meet. We were all worried you'd never actually let yourself be happy.” What the shit? I opened my mouth to refute him, but nothing came out.

“You're always so busy trying to help the rest of us be happy and find love, and you know what? It's easier to do that than to find it for yourself.” Again... What. The. Actual. Shit? “You really are fucking mean.”

“Ev,” his expression turned serious, “if you love her, if this is real, then you fight for it. Out in the open where everyone can see. She needs to know you'll burn down the fucking world for her.” Jesus. How was I the love guru in this family? Dec was clearly the one we should all be going to for advice. Not me.

“Babe,” I said softly, taking her face in my hands. She put hers over mine, and I could feel them trembling slightly. “I know you're scared. But hiding isn't going to help. Not from my family, not from the world, not from each other. I promise I will do everything in my power to keep you safe however I can, and I will be there to soothe the hurts I can't stop.”

I was raised to respect boundaries, to seek enthusiastic consent, and allow people to make their own mistakes and learn from them. But I was also raised in a home where love and family trumped all. I didn't think Penelope had that in her life. This was just one more way I would show up for her. So even though I was about to push her boundaries, and she could smack me later for not asking for her consent, I showed Penelope, and everyone else in that room, exactly what she meant to me.

I kissed her so that no one would doubt exactly how I felt about her. Including her.

“You want to know how we're going to handle this? Together. That's how. Because I love you, Penelope Quinn. I'm in love with you, and I'm not ashamed of it. I'm proud of it. Of us.”

Everett loved me. And I loved him. I looked into his eyes, saw the vulnerability there, and I knew this was all real, if I let it be. This was Everett, my Everett.

The man who'd never once made me feel less than beautiful. I was the only one who made me feel unpretty. I was tired. Tired of doubting. Tired of letting my insecurities win. I just wasn't sure how to change that.

“Alright, fam, the slay squad has arrived,” Jules announced, striding in with Trixie close behind. “Oh, and Pen? I'm totally calling you sis from now on. You snuck in on me. Love it. Welcome to the Kingman Queens.”

The room buzzed with ideas and energy, and a familiar feeling tightened my chest. Everyone was so ready to fight, so confident in our ability to take on Odin. But inside, I was still that insecure girl, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Neith, ever the pragmatist, spoke up. “Penelope, your vulnerability could be your greatest strength here. What if, instead of trying to hide your struggles, we embrace them?” Ugh. Now I was going to be the one to throw up twice, because I had a horrible feeling I knew exactly what she wanted me to do. I asked anyway just in case I was wrong. “How do you mean?” “What if we get ahead of Odin? What if you share your journey, doubts and all, on your own terms? Show the world that body positivity is a journey, with twists and turns and falls and mountains, not some sunny, beachy, perfect destination.” I was right. I was going to throw up.

“Look, Pen,” Everett said, his voice gruff and gravely, “you've got an army behind you. We're not fighting because we think you're perfect. We're fighting because we know you're real. And that's worth a hell of a lot more.”

Penelope: Not at all. And that's what we want to talk about today. Body positivity isn't about perfection. It's about acceptance, it's about treating yourself with kindness, even on the hard days. Kelsey: It's about recognizing that your worth isn't determined by your size, your shape, or how you look in a bikini.

“Ev, we can't just—” Pen started, but I cut her off with a gentle squeeze and then threw her over my shoulder and smacked her ass. “Yes, we can,” I said firmly. “You're mine now, and you’re not going through this alone, Pen. I won't let you.”