More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Debra Fine
Read between
February 19 - February 24, 2023
People who excel at small talk are experts at making others feel included, valued, and comfortable.
The first step is to let go of the idea that we are all somehow supposed to know how to converse with strangers and acquaintances.
“All things being equal, people will buy from a friend. All things being not quite so equal, people will still buy from a friend.”
We all fear rejection at some level.
Just remind yourself that there are more dire consequences in life than a rejection by someone at a networking event, singles function, back-to-school night, or association meeting.
It is up to us to assume the burden of other people’s comfort.
If others are comfortable in our presence, then they will feel good about doing business or socializing with us.
Always begin and end your business conversation with small talk to humanize the relationship.
People appreciate a conversation in which they feel acknowledged, heard, and significant.
Start thinking of strangers as people who can bring new dimensions to your life, not as persons to be feared.
Remember, even your closest confidante was once a stranger.
It had never occurred to me that shyness could be mistaken for arrogance.
The first step in becoming a great conversationalist is becoming invested in the conversation and actively working to help the other person feel comfortable.
It is not about an agenda but is simply a way to acknowledge a person as being very real and there.
the best way to get people comfortable enough to open up and express themselves was to look them in the eye and ask What’s your name?
Remembering names is well worth the effort. In fact, learning names is part of hosting the conversation.
Using people’s names shows that you are interested in them and makes them feel special.
Don’t ever assume that someone who sees you infrequently will remember your name, especially when they see you out of context.
Showing genuine interest is flattering and essential to conversing.
The more interest you show in me, the more interesting you become to me.
We easily allow differences of all kinds to bias us against engaging in conversation.
we are all more alike than we are different.
Most people enjoy the opportunity to share their stories, and if you give them the chance, they’ll start talking.
Whenever you begin a dialogue with a question, get ready to dig deeper so that the other person knows you are interested in hearing more.
One of the reasons I love small talk is that you just never know who you’ll meet or where it’ll lead.
the slightest interest in someone is often all it takes to get a conversation going.
Scientific research has shown that people are capable of listening to approximately 300 words per minute.
Attentive listening has three parts: visual, verbal, and mental. Combine these elements, and powerful listening results.
Listening is more than just hearing. It’s a level of involvement that goes beyond reciting the contents of the conversation.
When talking with people, behave as if there are no distractions in the room.
If you’re uncomfortable maintaining full-on eye contact with your conversation partner, look them right between the eyes.
If you are too bored to stay with the conversation, exit gracefully instead of embarrassing your conversation partner by demonstrating boredom.
don’t presume that you are picking up a conversation that started a year ago. Without asking So what’s new?, a question that begs the conversation-stopping answer Not much, seek out what’s new and keep the conversation rolling
One of the easiest ways to start or keep a conversation going is to compliment another person.
The key is that your compliment is genuine, so select something that you can truly support. No matter what you choose, it will fall into one of these three categories: appearance, possessions, or behaviour.
There is nothing that makes people feel more special than to have their finer traits noted and appreciated.
top-of-the-line compliment goes beyond that to give conversation material by expounding on why you like the item. For instance, you might elaborate on the sweater by saying, I love your sweater. That shade really enhances the colour of your eyes.
Again, the ticket to a successful pat on the back is that you offer it sincerely. You may find that the person you are complimenting has difficulty receiving the praise. He may try to neutralize the compliment by denying it or feel obligated to return a compliment. If that happens, reaffirm your sincerity and move on to another subject.
A simple rule that garners great rewards is to start conversations with a minimum of three new people a week.
never talk for more than five minutes before passing the ball. Time can fly when we are talking about ourselves!
The truth is, most people don’t want advice—they want empathy and compassion.
Give the gift of listening and offer advice only when it’s solicited.
Acknowledge that what has been said is important. Providing unsolicited advice is not welcome in almost any situation.
The cardinal rule of the exit is that when you depart, you do what you said you were going to do.
The ability to talk easily with anyone is a learned skill, not a personality trait.
As long as you keep looking for new people to meet and you show an interest in other people, you can make friends and enjoy lively conversations.
Probably the scariest social scene is one in which you are there specifically to meet other people.
To “connect” or “relate” means to find commonality with another human being.
The feel-good factor underlies every aspect of life.
A study conducted with physicians showed those who spend a few minutes asking patients about their family, their work, or summer plans before and/or after an examination are less likely to be sued than those who don’t. Let’s face it. People don’t sue people they care about.
