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by
Debra Fine
Step out of a conversation with grace
quandary.
Twenty years ago John Naisbitt, in his book Megatrends, spoke to a future world focused on high tech yet longing for high touch.
It has become our custom to be so respectful of each other’s space—or instead, so fearful of rejection—that we no longer know how to begin a conversation with strangers, let alone keep one going.
Always begin and end your business conversation with small talk to humanize the relationship.
that buyers’ choices about where to spend their money are influenced by the presence or absence of rapport. Small talk is a big deal because it is integral to establishing rapport.
Remember, even your closest confidante was once a stranger.
Take the risk. Walk up to someone and introduce yourself. Extend your hand, make eye contact, and smile saying, “Hello. My name is Deb Fine. It’s nice to meet you.”
Chances are, that person is feeling as alone as you are.
snob
reaction. It had never occurred to me that shyness could be mistaken for arrogance. While shyness and arrogance are worlds apart, the visible manifestation of each can appear the same.
Will Rogers nailed it when he said, “Go out on a limb. That’s where all the fruit is.”
Fear of rejection keeps many of us from risking conversation, but the probability of rejection is actually quite small.
precedence
a monologue is a chore and seldom very interesting.
BUSINESS ICEBREAKERS
SOCIAL/GENERAL ICEBREAKERS
Never try to call someone by nickname if he hasn't introduced himself to you by that name. It makes them feel offensive. Just ask them how can you call them. It'd make them feel appreciated and comfortable.
The approachable person is the one who makes eye contact with you or who is not actively engaged in a conversation or another activity such as reading a newspaper or working at a computer.
Starting with a Statement
Like most things that are unfamiliar, starting a conversation appears harder than it actually is.
The simple act of truly being interested in the other person has an amazing effect on the conversation—it
We easily allow differences of all kinds to bias us against engaging in conversation.
How do you break in?
oxymoron
OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS
Whenever you begin a dialogue with a question, get ready to dig deeper so that the other person knows you are interested in hearing more.
How
Learn these
Use discretion when meeting new people: Asking a difficult question could put the other person in an awkward position.
Here are some new ways to ask old favourites:
an astute observer, you’ll discover that your small-talking cohort is giving you a wealth of free information you can use to keep a conversation going.
Being an astute observer means you're taking note of each and every way you can find the information of the person. You can find wealth of information by asking open ended questions, by looking at his appearances, etc. Notice the talker behavior and talking patterns and it'd give you all the information you need to talk more and more.
One of the reasons I love small talk is that you just never know who you’ll meet or where it’ll lead.
the slightest interest in someone is often all it takes to get a conversation going.
You’ll become skilled at small talk the same way you’ve improved in other activities—practice. It’s not difficult—secondary school geometry was much harder than this. All you need to do is practise.
people are capable of listening to approximately 300 words per minute. On the flip side, most of us can only speak at 150 to 200 words per
Psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The biggest block to personal conversation is one man’s inability to listen intelligently, understandingly, and skilfully to another person.”
So great is our need and hunger for validation that good listeners are prized.
Attentive listening has three parts: visual, verbal, and mental.
The physiological process of listening is invisible to the observer. We cannot watch the sound vibrations go into someone’s ears to confirm that they received the intended message. Consequently, the speaker is always on the lookout for cues to validate receipt of the message. Visual cues, which offer the easiest form of feedback, let the speaker know you are paying attention. Facial expressions, head nods, and positive body language are clear ways of expressing interest in your conversation partner’s words.
Ray Birdwhistle, a pioneer in nonverbal communication,
When talking with people, behave as if there are no distractions in the room.
When you cross your arms and legs, you are exhibiting defensiveness—even if your reason is cold weather! If you keep your head down and avoid eye contact, you send a message that you are avoiding interaction—even if your reason is shyness and you actually want someone to talk to you! People generally respond to these signals by ignoring you; you are not considered approachable. If you rest your chin in your hand, it appears that you are bored. Likewise, when you place your hands on your hips, you appear aggressive and unhappy with your conversation partner, or with the words you are hearing.
POSITIVE MESSAGES TO THE SPEAKER
acquiescence
Verbal cues complement the visual feedback you give a speaker.
indignant
Those of us who consider ourselves quiet often congratulate ourselves for our awesome listening skills; at least we keep our mouths shut and listen! But this attitude is sometimes reflected as a lack of participation in the conversation.
In an emotionally charged situation, you gain a side benefit of defusing anger when you repeat the specifics of what the other person stated.
Ten Tips for Tip-Top Listening
I spend two minutes thinking about specific interviewing questions that apply to the person(s), event, or situation I am about to encounter.
