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He keeps staring at me with an intensity that has me nailed to my seat, the corner of his mouth curled up in a small grin.
It rolls off his tongue so effortlessly, sounding like music to my ears, a tune only allowed from his lips.
“Just because you’re a cage fighter doesn’t mean I’m afraid to slap you.” The look on her face is filled with power, and for a second, I actually believe her, thinking this girl would not be afraid to kick my ass. Though, I’m not sure I would mind her doing it, anyway.
fuzzy feeling warms my chest while pebbles shower the skin on my arms. I’m constantly surrounded by people who want a lot of things from me. Attention, my body, for me to win my next fight. But no one has ever offered to simply talk to me.
Talking to him feels natural, like I have the freedom to tell him my biggest secrets and he would keep them safe.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him she’s special. One of those girls you cherish for the rest of your life, because you know they will always be there for you if you play your cards right.
Hunter looks like trouble, but he flirts like Prince Charming.
My gut tells me that he has been dealing with life alone for far too long, and I want him to know he’s not alone. That I’m here for him.
“Like the need to keep you close. Forever. Like I can trust you with my life, saving me from the darkness.”
How fucked up is that? Considering your dead brother lucky, because at least he doesn’t have to deal with your alcoholic mom?
Her words combined with the anger surging through me makes it hard to breathe and relax, but I heard them loud and clear. She sticks up for me like I’m hers to stick up for, and even though I’m furious as hell, I’ve never felt better at the same time.
He pulls up to the drive-through and places our regular order without asking. It’s an awareness that warms my heart, loving the small things we know about each other that someone else wouldn’t know or pay attention to. It tells me he listens to me, even though he could listen to anybody else.
“Can your head grow any bigger?” “I can grow anything for you.”
me.
I want her to want me just as I want her. I want her to tell me ‘fuck it,’ even though I know I should never let her. I wish I didn’t have to choose to give her what she deserves or give in to what I want.
She ruins me every time her sass reaches another level, but for her, I’d go to fucking war, no matter how much she destroys me. “I am an asshole. But I’m your asshole,”
Damn him for being so damn cute when he wants to be.
I’m sure as fuck not perfect for her, but I know she’s perfect for me.
“Every single one of them counts, because it means you’re still here. You are still here and whatever you wanna do or whoever you wanna be, it’s never too late.” It feels bittersweet. I’m grateful that Charlotte has a mother like this, because she deserves nothing less, but it’s also a bit gloomy for me, wishing my mother was half as strong as Elizabeth is. She eyes me with a serious look on her face, as if she wants to make sure I’m listening to her. “Because you’re still alive. Celebrate your birthday, Hunter. They are important, because you are important.
You can fool the world, but your eyes radiate the truth.”
But I mostly look forward to the moments he will just stroll into my house like he lives there. The moments where it’s just me and him. The moments we hang out and play rock-paper-scissors to decide who will pick out the movie we're watching. The moments he brings over my favorite ice cream or the moments we just drive around town with no destination at all.
It’s just a quiet place with perfect company, but I live for these moments. I live for the moments we just exist next to each other, without a care in the world. Giving me a sense of peace within my fucked-up life.
He feels like the sun on a cloudy day, his touch magical and capable of pulling me out of whatever numb state I was in before this.
“What if we ruin it?” A gradient of desire and insecurity peers back at me. The question is loaded, I know that. I can’t make any promises, because there’s a good chance I’ll fuck it up. But looking into the eyes that are the fuel of my existence, I know I will do anything to keep what we have right now.
It feels like I’ve been waiting for years instead of months, and even though I can’t wait to rip her clothes off, I also want to enjoy this moment. Take it nice and slow, and drink her in until she’s screaming my name, like she’s done in my dreams.
I will fuck this up, but the outcome will stay the same. Charlotte Roux is mine. But what’s even more terrifying… is that I’m hers. It’s settling inside me like a lifetime scar. She’s planted herself at the very core of my being, and whatever happens, whatever she will choose, she will own me in every way possible.
“You wanna get breakfast, or wanna be breakfast?”
I marvel at her smile, soaking it up like it’s the sun on a cold winter day.
Like our souls click when they shouldn’t fit at all.
It is as if in that moment a door opens in my head, and he barges in. Making me realize he is meant to be mine. That he is destined to be mine.
But you know what the thing about the mind is? It’s never as loud as the heart, screaming in your ear with a damn megaphone.
Wondering why the sun is still shining bright in the sky, yet everything feels darker than it did five minutes ago.
“he thinks he doesn’t deserve you. But trust me when I tell you, he loves you. It’s written in his eyes. Even a blind man can see the love he feels for you. He’s just a scared fool.”
“He loves me. I know that. But he’s not in love with me.” “Charlotte Roux, that boy has been in love with you since the day you first met. He’s just too stupid to admit it.”
Panic of what the fuck have I done? Panic at what the hell am I doing? Panic at how the fuck can I fix this? Panic at the thought of my heart physically jumping out of my chest as it pounds against my ribcage like it’s in a damn hockey game.
“She deserves better. But she wants you,” he adds. “Are you really going to quit the best thing that ever happened to you?”
Part of me wants to scream at him, asking what the fuck he thinks he’s doing. Hating him for triggering the memories he knows mean the most to me. Hating him for thinking he can just waltz back into my life, like he didn’t rip my heart out of my chest. But the other part is tired as fuck. Tired of fighting life. Tired of wondering what if? Tired of ignoring him, when all I wanted was to share every hard part of my life with him.
“Because she wasn’t you.”
My heart might still love him without a doubt, but I’m team head right now. Wanting him to fucking show me why I should still consider him my friend. Meaning—I want to make him grovel until his knees are bruised.
I knew I wasn’t worthless, but I felt damn alone trying to survive in a violent household.
What we used to have is still there. I just need to convince her to give me another chance, to make her trust I will never hurt her the way I did ever again. To show her I’m in it for the long haul this time. Till death do us fucking part.
I’m not going to push her to do something she’s not comfortable with. I waited seven years. I can wait a few more days, or weeks, or months, or however long she needs. But really, I’ll wait forever if I have to.
“I fucking hate how I broke your heart.” “See, I don’t believe you anymore.” I point my finger at him. “You did that. Once upon a time, I’d trust you with my life. Now I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you.” I continue putting on the rest of my clothes, too angry to look at him. “I know I did. But I’m going to try to fix it for the rest of my life.” “Why?!” I snap my gaze back up. “Because I love you!”
But this time he said I love you. The thought jams into my head like it’s not my own. I can hardly believe he actually said that those eight letters. I’d like to tell myself I misheard, that it was my imagination, but his haunted eyes seared through mine, selling me every word with an urgency I’ve been waiting for since the first day we’ve met. He told me he loved me, goddammit. Fuck him, for knowing exactly what to say at the right moment. Fuck him, for messing with my head again. Fuck him, for finally doing it in the right way. And fuck me for actually wanting to believe him.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he says, as if he can read my mind. “I just want to be part of your life. And if that means I have to be the best friend, I will be the best friend. If you’re happy with Ben, I’m fine with that.” I pull a face. “No, you’re not.” “Not one fucking bit.” He adamantly shakes his head, and I laugh. “But you’re in charge.”
I wrap my arms around her, burying my nose in her hair. Breathing her in, my heart instantly calms down, because all is well in the world when she’s with me.
The world around us goes silent as we look into each other’s eyes, our lips almost touching. “What you want is all that matters, Charlotte Roux.”
“Let me make one thing clear, babe. I’m here to stay. I know I said I want you to be happy, and I’ll be your friend for as long as you aren’t ready to give me any more than that. But I’m not here to be your friend. I’m a persistent asshole, and I’m going to keep trying until I gain your trust again and you give me what I want. Because I want to give you everything. You’re all I see.” I pause, pulling my arms tighter around her torso. “I need you,”
I’m not going to pretend I’m here for anything else but your heart. But I’ll be working every day for the rest of my life to show you I will protect it with everything I got from this day forward. On your terms. Your pace. You don’t have to tell me anything until you’re ready.”
My heart stops beating when I’m not around you. My life is nothing more than an empty vessel without you in it.
