Shots on Net (SCU Hockey, #1)

by J.J. Mulder

Carter Morgan III is the most posh name I’ve ever heard. And totally unfit for him. I wonder if he did that on purpose—modeled his aesthetic around what people expect him not to be.

The team lines up, knocking their helmets against mine and occasionally giving me the odd hug. This is my favorite part about being the goalie, though I’d never say it out loud. I’ve never made good friends with any of my teammates beyond Vas, but after a win any animosity is gone—they all treat me like we’re brothers no matter how little I’ve done to earn that.

I’m not sure Zeke even realizes he sometimes acts like we’re in a relationship, and I wonder if I should enlighten him. Roommates don’t cook dinner for each other, or read to one another, or stay up until the early hours of the morning to make sure the other gets home okay. But I don’t want him to stop, and I’m selfish. If I tell him he acts like we’re boyfriends, he won’t do it anymore.

I’m usually a little more discerning with whom I spend my time with. I like to take things slow, get to know people bit by bit before I commit to more. It’s not that I want people to earn my friendship necessarily, but that I want to make sure they’re someone who’s going to stick around if I get attached. Too often, people give up and move on, preferring fast relationships to meaningful ones. With Carter, all of that seems to have gone out of the window.

What I’m trying to say is that I can count on one hand the number of people who have come to a game with the express purpose of watching me play. I’m trying to tell him that I thought about him the entire game, and felt like a better player because of it. It’s different, winning for someone other than yourself. I want him to know a lot of things that I’m incapable of putting into words.

I think it might be time to admit I might be more than a little bit interested in Zeke. I wish I knew what the hell to do about it.

“I don’t have a lot of experience though, and when you said that it never crossed my mind that you would mean it the way you did. Guys like you don’t ask guys like me out on dates. My grandma says ‘it’s a date!’ when we make Sunday dinner plans; I genuinely thought you meant it that way.”

Scary Carter Morgan III is a closet romantic—who knew?

I’m not someone who needs attention or approval from the masses, but it certainly feels good to get it from Zeke.

I know he’s only joking, but I like the words he’s saying. I wonder if I need to tell him that I am off the market, for as long as he and I are dating, with or without sex. I’m a one person at a time kind of guy.

“I don’t want to date anyone else, but you. Just to make that clear.”

I’m looking at him and realizing for the first time that I want him.

The only thing I’ve ever wanted is to play hockey in the NHL.

My family isn’t a safe space for me. It’s guilt and the soul crushing weight of unattainable expectations. It’s never fitting in, and feeling uncomfortable in a world you’re expected to live in. It’s the exact opposite of the love and acceptance he gets from his grandmother.

If he breaks up with me after that kiss, I’m not sure I could survive it.

Nobody in the world makes me laugh the way Zeke does.

“I really like you, Carter Morgan. I like you more than I’ve ever liked anybody before.”

I am very, very conscious of the fragility of our relationship—born from proximity and barely a handful of months old. There are a lot of things I could survive losing, but Zeke Cassidy isn’t one of them.

But if there is one thing, I know it’s that we are solid, he and I. We’ve got what it takes to make it long-term.

“Everything you said to my dad. That was…it was a nice thing to say, that’s all,” he says stiffly. “I just wanted you to know that I appreciated it.”

I have no idea how I was able to survive so long without Zeke Cassidy.

“I want you to know that this has been the best year of my life, and most of that is because of you. You remind me that life doesn’t have to be so serious all the time; you are always teaching me new things, and you make me laugh more than I’ve ever laughed before. I wish I’d posted an ad for a roommate years ago, because we might have met sooner.”