Falling in Love with the Man of My Nightmares (That's [Para]Normal #4)

by Camilla Evergreen

“Please don’t thank the fae, Ms. Role. Not unless you love one enough to belong to them.”

“Do not touch me without permission. Being touched by strangers is one of my least favorite sensory experiences.”

She was his antithesis. His cure. His soul’s mate. And…he was sniffing a washcloth she’d touched. So, clearly, he was painfully at her mercy even in her absence.

Part of having a soulmate was understanding that while soulmates were impeccably crafted for one another, they also served as a means to better each other. Assumption was selfish. And selfishness was the opposite of love.

At least up until the moment she sees a shiny person she knows all the way on the other side of the crowded room and abandons me like she’s not my emotional-support extrovert and the single lifeline I have in this mass of bubbling socialization.

“I’m glad you understand my resentment of the rules this meat prison imposes upon me.”

Pollux sighed, heavily. “You have never seen my real self, Xios. It is more than red eyes and sharp teeth.” “Well, well. The plot thickens. How terrible is it? Are we talking Kyo from Fruits Basket level?” “I don’t know how to interpret what you just said…”

LMAO 💀

“Trust is earned. Love is not. I would die to keep you safe. Do not for a moment take my caution to mean you are not precious to me. I have made mistakes before in not making these feelings as clear. Where I can, I do not intend to make them again.”

“Spooky scary skeletons,” I sing. Pollux exhales a laugh. “I suppose.”

Whatcha makin’?” I lift the little pot. I need to stuff it. And crochet the succulents for it. And put a little “I’m totally okay and don’t dream about horrible fathers” smile on the pot. With tiny blushies. Because tiny blushing succulent pots are important for my mental health.

Now, remember, kids. Do drugs; stay in cults.

“There, their, they are.” “Ah, grammatical comfort. My single solace.”

“I can hardly wait to steal a soul and make myself someone’s favorite. Watching you two makes me desperate for a relationship with someone who would set fire to rain for me.” Pollux let those words echo a time or two in his skull. “What does that mean?” “I don’t know. I just like fire. And impossible things.”

“Do not attempt to rationalize this. Just, I don’t know, kiss me. Give me something that’ll haunt me when I wake up so I don’t have to think about anything else in the morning. If I can’t get my head off you, I won’t have to deal with all the other stuff.”

“Sounds lonely,” I murmur. “It has been. When you spend so much time isolated, you start to break inside.”

“You are my soul’s mate. You are something powerful enough to override the fear of a dream eater. While I am a nightmare come alive, you hold reality in your palm. You can craft dreams and nightmares, truth and lies. You are the sun that eclipses me. The cure I’ve been searching my entire life for.”

“Makes sense. Weird this is how my brain is breaking down the prince title. I like it better than cult leader, though.” Pollux kisses my cheek. “We’re not a part of a cult, dearest.” “That’s exactly what someone in a cult would say.”

“Give my soul to you or to Pollux?” “Yes.” “I really shouldn’t give my soul to cult members. I don’t think that’s very wise.”

By the way, I still haven’t found any proof or anything, but they might be in a cult. Is that cool? Are we cool with that?

Your emotions are important, but they are not the only ones that are.”

“The concept of flirting baffles me. I do not understand the merit in dancing around the truth of attraction. You consume me. I love you. Your beauty haunts me like one of my most terrible renditions of a wraith, yet I welcome it.”

“I tend to put those kinds of feelings in a box.” “I would like to suggest that isn’t healthy. I would also like to suggest that you are an uncountable number of closed boxes. I worry they might crush you if you do not take care in unpacking them as soon as possible.”

“People should not be made to fit into spaces. Spaces should be large enough to fit people.”

“Dearest…it is important to me that I tell you this before you go.” I swallow. “What?” “It isn’t inappropriate or wrong for you to desire affection. As someone who has never before been the object of such desires, would you consider for a moment that it might hurt to learn you are not proud of wanting me?”

Friendship is an agreement that doesn’t erode. It doesn’t need to be maintained. It is a quiet knowledge that people will be there for you if you need them, just as you might return the sentiment in their time of need.”

“Sometimes growing isn’t comfortable. That’s why it is a word often paired with pains.”

“Is Howl’s Moving Castle appropriate for middle grade?” Alana asks. “The male lead turns into goo at one point. It’s great.”

“He kissed your cheek.” “I know. Now I can mark starting a scandal with a villainous rake off my bucket list.” Zylus glares.

I have flushed so much of myself down the drain in an effort to appeal to strangers.

If all you can manage is taking care of yourself, you will still be making a brighter world for the ones who want you to thrive.” Alana slaps the table. “Exactly. Sometimes the best we can do is stay alive. And you wanna know something?” Her gaze bores into my soul. “That is more than enough.”

“Women don’t like cheesy pickup lines, dreamboy.” “Shame. We’d be gouda together.”

Zahra continues, “Can he bite, bite, vampire me?” Pollux’s attention drags off me and goes somewhat thinner as it returns to Zahra. “What is it with human women and the desire to be turned by a vampire? Both Alana and Brittny asked that same question at one point. Does no one realize the health issues associated with such a request?”

“Am…I being threatened?” Pollux asks. I lift my hands. “No, of course no—” “Absolutely. That’s what you get for your snark about my desire to be a vampire. I get that you’re a dream eater, but I didn’t realize you were also a dream crusher.”

“Sure it is. With a soulmate bond, it’s supposed to be instant. Instalove tropes for everyone. Kiss, kiss, fall in love.”

My story arc doesn’t even need to make sense. I’m like that scarecrow guy in Howl’s Moving Castle. The second the real leads are done with me, I’ll just pogo myself away.

I really need to read the book, because the movie felt like an absolute acid trip, and I have a feeling I’m missing so much context…

I wonder if there’s a reason behind why my dreams now are vacant. As a child, they used to be so full of people… But now, I’ve run out of the hope that people will ever be anything other than exhaustion. Now, I’d rather be alone than spend so much energy navigating them.

My lips part as every hair on my arms stands up straight. I’m speechless for several long moments. Because the only words I can think of are the ones I’m not supposed to say…unless I love a faerie enough to belong to them. But, looking at Pollux right now, maybe…I almost do.

Falling does not begin to describe the emotions I’m wrestling with where Pollux is concerned. Plummeting is closer.

“If that binder is information about pronouns, we’re aware of the pronoun thing. We can openly discuss our beliefs and come to a conclusion that respects you. He, she, they. That’s all fine and good. I will need some time if you identify as a helicopter now.”

“At least they didn’t think you were joining a cult.” “My tears were obviously a paid actress that assisted in validating my statements.”

My shoulders relax. “Could you change forms?” “Into what?” I nudge him. “You…know. Monster Pollux.” “Are you going to put marshmallows on my claws?” Blinking down at the bag, I contemplate that. “Well. Now I might.”