Falling in Love with the Man of My Nightmares (That's [Para]Normal #4)

by Camilla Evergreen

Zahra was able to talk with Cael in private, joke with Ollie—who recognized her the moment she recognized him. Apparently, they’re both pretty popular online? For a moment, they stood in Willow’s living room pointing at each other, like that one Spider-man meme, and I guess that explains why all this time I’ve felt like I’ve seen him somewhere before…

It’s incredibly telling that I began to feel better the second Zahra was okay again. My entire self-worth really relies a hundred percent on the people I care about, huh?

“You’re going to skate?” “Don’t worry. I will stay close to where you’re sitting. It’s just that Meda asked if I would skate with her on the bus ride earlier, and I found it difficult to say no to my daughter.” My heart does another thing. He takes his phone out of his pocket. “Would you be willing to capture something of this excursion on camera? My pin is 0227.” That’s the date I have recorded as Andromeda’s birthday… My nervous system takes it as another gut punch, but I manage to suggest that I am capable of taking pictures before Pollux steps out onto the ice as though he’s been figure skating his entire life.

This man…should not have given me a phone capable of taking his picture… I am irresponsibly going to send myself things.

“Kass.” Zahra is smirking at me when I manage to stop staring at Pollux’s broad back. Arranging my bag of yarn, and needles, and snacks, I plant a perfectly norm...

I look up and find Pollux and Andromeda with their faces pressed to the tempered glass feet from me. “Mrs. Role! Mrs. Role! I’m going to do a trick with Daddy. Take a video!” Her voice barely registers outside the box, but either her screaming or the shape of her lips as they move helps get the point across. I open Pollux’s camera and hope the trick isn’t something that will raise my blood pressure. “Okay! Be careful!” “In love,” Zahra murmurs as she sits beside me. “Shut up.” Andromeda darts off, picks up speed, then goes flying toward her father’s arms. In flawless sync, he lifts her, turns, and releases her like a bullet to go darting around the rest of the rink. My littles scream, cheering, and half of them scramble toward Pollux on their unsteady blades. “Me next!” “No, me!” “Guys, guys, make a line. Take turns!” Mia demands. Wary, Pollux looks at me, and I catch his worried expression on camera before I turn off the video. Yes, I’m sending the video to my phone. Yes, I’m going to save that expression as a picture.

“Kass.” My heart leaps as I find Zahra, then register Pollux lifting littles, spinning them, and setting them—oh so carefully—down. “No! Send me flying like you did Meda,” Riley shrieks. I read absolutely I will not on his lips before he barely catches the next child who goes rocketing toward him. I ease. “What is it, Zahr?” “You zoned out. Were you thinking about Pollux n-a-k-e-d or bees?” My face heats. “Bees. Shut up

Pollux smacks his hand against the glass, and Andromeda jolts. Glaring, he pinches two fingers down to his thumb. Unless I’m mistaken, the ASL sign for no. Andromeda crosses her ankles. “Oops. Sorry. I got carried away. Must make stories appropriate for Mrs. Role and her wee human-soaked sensibilities.” Smiling, she says, “There was a kerscuffle, but nobody went kersplat.”

When Pollux reaches the rink exit where I’m standing, he’s helpless. Tense. The hand clutching the necklace Andromeda gave him shakes. Pain soaks through every inch of him as he whispers, “I’m sorry; I’m so sorry.” I grip his sleeve. “Shh. It’s all right. Are you all right? Is everyone else all right?” Pollux’s mouth opens, but no words come.

Through the sheer force of an impulse decision, he opened the door. “My bee no longer smells like you, and I’m having a nervous breakdown. Please understand that I am deeply sorry about this afternoon, but I may be unable to express myself or my regret in a manner that you deserve at this time. Once I have gathered myself and my thoughts, you can anticipate a letter from me, that I will recite upon request to assure you I am not attempting to lie in text.”

“There’s nothing you need to apologize for, Pollux.” “But I failed you.” “No, you didn’t. Stuff happens. This isn’t the usual stuff that happens, but it’s still just stuff.” Her brows bent as she watched him, earnestly. “I’ve been imagining how it feels to be in your skin ever since you left, and it’s cruel, Pollux. It is cruel that the universe built you with so much care and so few outlets for it. You’ve been trying so hard from the moment we met to do everything right, regardless of how afraid and confused you are inside.” A small, real smile lifted Kassandra’s lips as she cupped his cheek with her free hand. “Isn’t it funny? How much of a hypocrite you are.”

Kassandra’s head shook as her thumb swiped over his cheek. Sweetly, she turned her attention beyond him and said, “Meda, sweetie, I’m taking your father away for a bit. Act responsibly in the absence of a reliable adult.” “Hey,” Alexios stated. She turned on her heel. “I said what I said.” And, with that, she pulled Pollux out of his house and dragged him to her car.

Falling in love is better with pizza.

“So. I may have gotten the magic from the tear you cried the day you came home with Meda and had dinner with us.” Magic tears. I’m a Disney princess.

And, dang it all, Pollux—” I drop the smile. “—I’ve come to care about you. Of course I’m willing to do whatever it is I can to help.” In a mere moment, Pollux’s face blocks out the scenery. His breath coasts across my lips, and my heart jumps at the sensation. He swears into my open mouth, an inch away from making contact. His forehead touches mine instead as he mutters another curse. “—promise.” Pain ripples in his eyes. “I want you. So badly. But I can’t act against the promise I made. May I claim you? Would you give me permission to claim you?”

“Would you like me to respond at all?” “Maybe just enough that I know you’re listening and aren’t annoyed?” “If ever I were annoyed with you, dearest, it would not come between me and how much I care about you. I would not make you guess at the origin of my irritation, either. We would discuss it, because your peace is important to me.” My heart responds to that, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Pollux could hear it. It makes sense how he knows when I’m not being genuine if he can hear and smell the things I can’t exactly control. All the same, being intentionally vulnerable is harder than being poorly plastic. “I appreciate that,” I offer before I stare out the windshield, at the distance unrolled before us. It’s similar to being in one of my dreams. Empty and vast. Almost safe enough and large enough to contain me without making me feel trapped.

“Being with you is feeling like I can do or say anything without disappointment. I threaten violence, and you say—” “Please.” My heart skips. I close my fingers against my skirt.

“I hate knowing that this feeling of hiding so much isn’t normal. I hate feeling like I’ll cause problems if I don’t. I hate the way it seems so much like I’m lying with every part of myself to the people I care most about in this entire world. I don’t want to disappoint them. I don’t want to blame them. I don’t…want to have to be the person I need to be outside in front of them anymore.” “But it’s uncomfortable to think about how they might react to more genuine pieces of you as though they are the foreign ones?”

“All this is to say I’d like to move in with you, but I can’t until I figure out how to explain everything to them. Favorably. I can’t keep living in a place where I feel constantly obligated to be the right picture they have of me, but I also can’t leave without at least trying to show them the truth. I love them too much to turn all their best efforts into something I…” My voice cracks. “…I blame them for.”

“Well, move in with you is a bit of a stretch. I’d like to move into the pretty room you were preparing for me. We’ll assess the connotations of moving in with you at other times.” Likely when I’m weak and touch-starved and have accidentally witnessed Pollux fresh from a shower. “I’d just like to come home to a place where I can continue feeling however the day has made me feel without feeling like I have to continue pretending I’m never tired.” “You’re not a burden, Kassandra. Even when you’re tired.”

“I am not an adult. Please treat me as a child and provide me with nap times and snacks.” Pollux laughs. “Gladly, dearest. I suppose in that case, we should change seats and I should get you home to bed.”

“You want to stay over,” he says. “It’s a school night,” I mumble. “We can go to bed early.” “Being in a new place will mess with my mental schedule. I can’t afford the excess strain of attempting to get used to an unfamiliar bed right now.” Pollux nods. “I understand.”

Alas. Here I am. Plotting how I could possibly move out by winter break alongside asking Pollux to make me French toast the morning after I move in. He’s a better cook than I am. I bet he wouldn’t just dunk sandwich bread in egg. He’d bake the loaf fresh, whip the cream himself, add strawberries… He’s an overachiever, too, so he’d probably bring it to me in bed and wake me with a forehead kiss before letting me know the orange juice is fresh-squeezed and he can strain the pulp out if I don’t like it, but it’s good for me, and he’d know all the reasons behind it being good for me. So I’d munch on my toast and listen to him tell me about the glories of vitamin C. …gracious. It’s a self-serving fantasy if ever I’ve had one.

“Hypothetically, if I were to move in, how would I contribute to the household? Is there a chore chart I could weave myself into? My cooking is very hit or miss, but I do have a couple recipes that are reliable.” “Xios handles the cleaning. I don’t mind cooking now that I’ve started it to take care of Xios, but I would appreciate you sharing new recipes with us. I fully want to incorporate your existence into the household, so I understand an amount of contribution is necessary to feel like an active member; however…” His brows furrow. “…I don’t want a chef or a maid. My home will become the place you can safely exist and call your own. I want your companionship. Your laughter. To be awakened too early on the weekend because you were up all night making something that you’re proud of. I want to hear your music in the halls and see your favorites in the fridge and take you places and explore things I could not otherwise comfortably entertain on my own. I want to do things with you and be with you. If that is not enough, I will stand next to you as you battle Xios for the right to fill the dishwasher without him rearranging it completely behind you.” Pollux rolls his eyes. “Because he does that.” Focusing his attention on me, Pollux says, “If just being near me is enough…allow me to assure you that just your presence in my life is as well.” I’m tingling. I don’t know if I like the sensation. But the freedom in his words, which can’t be lies, are too alluring to ignore.

“How do I even start to tell my parents this insanity? And what if they think you’re a demon or something?” Pollux finishes the pizza, closes the box, locates a napkin, and wipes his hands before cuddling his crocheted bee again. Peering at me with his chin propped against butter yellow, he murmurs, “It would not be the first time.” I believe it would physically injure me to witness anyone linking this man to something so horrible when he’s like…

Yeah, maybe no. Hello, parents. Guess what Pollux is getting for Christmas? Me! Absolutely I think the heck not.

Falling does not begin to describe the emotions I’m wrestling with where Pollux is concerned. Plummeting is closer. Mom, Dad, I’m in love. Or swiftly getting there. And I know, I know what you’ve taught me, so don’t worry. I’m not asking to move out and live in sin. See, he gave me a kitten, so we’re married. That’s right. Chai is a marriage kitten! Stop looking at me like I’m insane.

Shame, very little is more attractive than a person who owns a motorcycle.”

How dare I not make my husband tiny frogs…

“Breathe,” he murmurs as he gets a pipette, lifts my chin, and captures my tears in a way that should absolutely not be activating my skank-reflex. But it totally is. I giggle.

“Kassandra, breathe.” I inhale deep, and exhale slow, smiling a little foolishly up at my pretty soulmate. “My head’s fuzzy.” “I know, dearest,” he murmurs. “You just tasted Faerie. It drives mortals to insanity, but it’ll wear off in a moment.”

“So you won’t need me anymore?” “I will no longer need to cling to your side worrying that I’ll watch your littles dissolve into puddles of fear again. I will always need you. Intrinsically.”

As though he hasn’t just said something incredibly profound, he nearly beams at the devices he’s prepping. “I can’t believe it. I won’t need to use the self checkout anymore. I won’t have to spend several minutes flattening bills so the machine will eat them. This opens up a whole new world of possibilities.” Does he try to be this precious? Or does it just come naturally? Either way…I love it. And…I’m probably moving in soon.

“You are going to give Andromeda ten tiny frogs.” It’s not even a question. How dare he bring this energy into my presence. “Everyone deserves tiny frogs.” “Where are my tiny frogs? I want all the colors. I will line them up on my desk beneath my monitor,” he says absently, finding his bee on the foot of my bed. I stare at the large man, who seems genuinely pleased to have found his bee as he sets the bag of yarn down so he can cuddle it. Again, he is too precious for words.

Kassandra’s gaze flicked to Pollux and dragged away. “You and Mom have shown me what love looks like, how it grows through the choices and decisions we make. I’m sure about this. I’m sure I won’t regret whatever happens, even if it happens on a different timeline than I expect. I’m sure that Pollux is the kind of man who cares deeply about those he’s let in. He’s the kind of man who wants to do right by the ones he cares for without letting shame stop him from admitting when he doesn’t understand. He is the kind of man I want in a partner.” Pollux’s chest contorted as his wife’s words sank into his flesh and heated him from the inside out. He loved her. So much.

He had waited so long to be wanted like this, as someone’s partner. In horrible contrast, the way he wanted her was beginning to make it hard to breathe in front of her parents, and anything could happen was beginning to sound like a cruel promise.

Involuntarily, my entire body gravitates toward his until my shoulder touches his arm and my head rests against him. “I’m glad you understand. I’m sorry you’re overwhelmed right now.” My heart jumps, and I pull away. “I probably shouldn’t be touching you if you’re—” His large arm moves, dragging me in against him, holding me steady against his side as his nose and lips press into the top of my head. “You are a piece of me. My skin will never flinch at your touch.”

“Hey. Could you…” I lose all my nerve. “If I can, yes. Anything.”

“Are you going to put marshmallows on my claws?” Blinking down at the bag, I contemplate that. “Well. Now I might.”

Lifting my face, he presses a kiss to my neck. “I love you.” My skin buzzes, but I am somewhat poor at this, so all I can whisper is a very, very elegant, “…smash.” Pollux laughs, caving into me. His body rocks mine as his nails hook in my clothes. I tilt my blazing face back. “No, sorry. Crap. I messed up. Let me try again. I…to you…also. I think. Probably.”

Pollux touches my arm as I fight to keep myself together. I have been crying so much lately. It’s like my emotions are committing a mutiny and rebelling against their lifetime of being subdued. He says, “It’s okay. I shared the link to the disturbing quiz with them. They are allowed to be in proximity to children.” I close my eyes. Knowing Pollux went that far to help me, and knowing that these people—including an online celebrity, royalty, and a woman about to be an author with one of the most prestigious publishing houses in this country—spent at least thirty minutes obliging, does something to my chest.

And, come on, Pollux is beautiful and kind and he says the heart-meltiest things. For all I know, these could be some very, very good stitches. For all I know, my skank of a mother is correct, and I’ll be encouraging him to help me dye yarn before the start of next year.

“If I’m wrong, how would you phrase it, little lamb? What is your daddy afraid of?” The boy’s ’fraid I’m out of his league. He’s told me that, too, not in so many words. It’s really nifty not having a toxic relationship.

A buzzing breaks up the splintering sounds of my sobs. It fills my skull, demanding enough that I lift my face and look through my gold-lined lashes at…a bee. He lands on the bridge of my nose before I can register what he’s doing here. His tiny forehead touches mine, and peace soaks into the cavern of my chest. The fear that was ripping me apart eases. I’m…not alone anymore?

“I’m not bad at charades,” I say. “I’ve just never played with a bee before. Can you just…please help me?” He glitches again. Then, he’s man. For a split second, he is man, and he’s standing in front of me, and he might be naked, but we’re not focusing on that right now. “Kassandra,” he says—and the word gets caught up in a phantom breeze that drags it away, distant. “I have no time. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” Gripping my hand, he pulls me close. His breath hits my lips— But he vanishes before he can kiss me.

“My girls.”

“Castor has my girls,” he said, dragging a shaking hand down his mouth.

“Why are you doing this, Uncle Castor?” Andromeda demands. “You know it’s bad for her. She can’t be here right now. Daddy hasn’t claimed her yet.” “Little lamb, if you do not stop calling me Uncle Castor, I may grow fond of you.” Andromeda huffs, tiny and protesting. “That’s the intention, you ding dong.” Castor laughs.

Pollux would be here in minutes? Does that mean I get to sit pretty like a damsel in distress and wait for him? I am A-OK with that.

Castor heaves a sigh. “Woman, calm down.” My teeth grit. “That’s, like, the number one thing you don’t say to a woman.” “My apologies, then. In case it isn’t clear, I’m very bad at people