Variation

by Rebecca Yarros

By the end of that summer, she was my best friend. By the end of the next, she hated me. And I didn’t blame her.

A beautiful man with a strong square chin, full lips I’d never had the chance to kiss, and eyes that had haunted my dreams for nearly a decade.

No kiss???

“Because”—she straightened her shoulders—“you’re my biological mother.”

Gagged

“I’ve never had a baby.” I shook my head slowly. “I’m so sorry, but I’m not who you’re looking for.”

So it's her sister

“Fine?” Eric’s eyebrows shot up. “She’s a fucking ten, and that’s without my practically-in-laws bias. She’s a teacher, which means she’s smart—you’ve heard how funny she is. Plus she seems to like you—not that you have an issue in that department—so what’s the problem?” I shifted on my seat. “She’s not Allie Rousseau,” Gavin answered for me, sliding two beers to the boardroom crew on our left.

OOOO I LOVE THE MMC NEVER FALLS IN LOVE AGAIN TROPE

“Allie was way too young for me. Too tightly wound. Pretty little thing—” My spine stiffened. “—but too prim, way too proper, too quiet, way too mousy—” “Too fucking mine,” I snapped, flinging a twenty onto the bar top.

Okay this was sexy

Forget logic and the very real reasons I’d ghosted her; every single scenario I pictured began and ended with the one thing I’d never done for any woman—groveling.

“If you want to see me in uniform, all you have to do is ask.” A playful smile tugged at his lips.

I'm heheing

“But we’ve always been good for a summer, right?”

I gestured between us as I rounded the hood. “Same team. Stop trying to draw my blood. Leaving Allie the first time bled me dry already.”

Five minutes later, I found myself ensconced by the scent of vinyl, looking out a clear square from inside a dinosaur costume as the fan puffed it out around me, elastic tight at my wrists and ankles to keep the air in.

Naur

“You expect me to accept this tourist into our family for the next few months until she tires of Hudson and dumps him?” Caroline countered. “What, is she coming camping with us too? Is she going to join the family trip and risk breaking a nail?”

Bitch

The first time Mom had caught me with Hudson on the beach, she’d told me, “That boy is like the river. Pretty to look at, but we don’t swim there.”

“Thank you.” Allie took the bottle, and I sat beside her. Beachman had already sprawled over the chair to my left. “I can’t believe you remember which water I like.” “I remember everything.”

“Agreement amended. My rule is you can touch me whenever you want, Alessandra. Public. Private. Doesn’t matter to me. Any part of me. With any part of you. Anytime you want.”

“So what? Until now, I’ve only dated women I knew wouldn’t ask for a ring. Things change, and I don’t give a shit who she’s dated before, because she’s with me now.”

“This is the last time we’re discussing this,” Hudson warned. “I’m not breaking up with Allie. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever, if I get a say. Letting her go was the worst mistake I’ve ever made in my life, and I’ll be damned if your inability to pull your head out of your ass is going to cost me the only chance I have with her.”

He lifted his head and looked at me like he’d never seen me before. “We’re done talking, Caroline.” His gaze never left mine.

Okay!!!

“Now would be the time to leave if you don’t want this.”

“Variation,” I muttered, dismissing most of his words. “It’s called a variation.” “Fine. Variation. Whatever it was, you loved it the same way she did. If you don’t anymore—”

Title drop!!!!! We all cheer!

“So while sure, it makes me jealous that there are a couple of guys here who have seen you naked, I actually feel sorry for them because they’ll never have you again.” I tugged her close and let the words fly like the revelation they were. “But I will. First means nothing. Last means everything.”

“Think I just figured out why you build walls. They’re more like barricades. Ironic that I’m in the military,” I told her quietly, leaning in as she stared toward the stage, her face a rigid mask of control. “But I suspect you’re the one fighting wars.”

PLEASE

“And I wish I was above using sex as a way to get you, to keep you. But I’m not.”

Caroline stared, panic leaching into her blue eyes.

Bitch

“The middle seat of the last row is always empty. It’s in my contract.” Two lines creased the area between his brows. “And if you’d gone to will call and given them your name, they would have handed you that ticket. That’s in my contract too. It’s always your seat. Every venue. Every performance. I don’t even know why I did it, except I guess I never gave up hope that you’d walk in one day.”

“You are the subject of every fantasy I’ve ever had.”

You can tell this is what inspired Daddy Xaden’s line

“What the hell happened?” Hudson grabbed my hair as my stomach heaved. “Eva took her part.”

“Excuse me.” Eva and a few of the soloists from MBC worked their way down the row below us. She startled, then froze when she saw me and sat immediately, taking the seat in front of Gavin. “Et tu, Brute?” Gavin flashed a smile when she looked over her shoulder.

“What were they?” Allie tensed and stepped forward. “The conditions?” “Besides secrecy? The first was that she could never do ballet,” Caroline told her, blinking back tears.

This is silly

“Real life is what happens out here, you know. With me, with Anne, with your friends, at the barre, on the stage. That . . .” I glanced pointedly at her phone. “That is just a sparkly hall of mirrors, and staring too long through the lens of how other people perceive you is bound to start distorting how you see yourself.

No, God, no. My soul left my body as Juniper’s head disappeared from the doorway, and through the window, I watched her back away, her hands covering her mouth as she retreated toward the railing, like she couldn’t get away from us fast enough.

This is…..silly

“You scared the shit out of me.” “It scared the shit out of me too,” I admitted as he reached for me. “Juniper—” “Not just Juniper.” He cupped the back of my neck and leaned into my space. “You, Allie. You scared the shit out of me. Do you have any idea what you mean to me? You’re my air. And I know you don’t even want to think about going there when it comes to us, that you need things all neat and tidy, but I’m already there. Messy. Tangled. So wrapped up in you that I couldn’t breathe in that ER because I needed to be here with you.”

“You want kids?” he continued. “I’ll give you kids. Say the word.”

*chanting* breeding kink breeding kink

“Every time. You’re. In a. Studio.” He punctuated the words with the snap of his hips. “I want. You to. Remember. Exactly. How this feels.” His face flushed, and sweat beaded on our skin, and the only time he looked away was to stare down at where we were joined. “What. We do. To each other.”

Okay this whole scene was actually sexy

“No, that you’re his dream. He’s in love with you,” Gavin countered.

“She never went back. She never left the car.” I took the steps that separated us and clasped her shoulders so she didn’t stumble off the pier. “And you didn’t leave her to die, Allie. I did.” And there it was.

This is so dramatic like what was he supposed to do

“Oh, Allie.” She came around the counter and squeezed my hand, leash and all. “You could be ninety years old, and it would never be too late for Hudson. I’m so dang glad one of you has come to your senses. Of course I’ll tell you where he is. I just meant that it’s a shame you came all this way, because you drove the wrong direction.”